To chose holiday over baby?

[Thelittleenginethatcouldd]

posting for traffic, posted in chat too

I’ve got 2 lovely children, but since my second was born I’ve known I wanted a third.

we have the space (although would need to upsize in the future) and the car and the income about (120k a year) and some great state schools in the area, as well as very generously discounted nursery for instance FT with 15 hrs is about £550 a month. Our mortgage is small and will get smaller when rates drop (we’ve got a high fix). We pay the max into our pensions (about 15% each), save for the kids. Plenty of progression work wise.

BUT, I spent my entire twenties studying and then fell pregnant quite soon after getting married, and there are so many lovely places I’ve always wanted to visit and things to do.

we could afford to do one big holiday every year ( I shop around, maybe every other year if we went really big the year prior) BUT with another child it would be more like one every 3 years. Now I now this is not really a problem, but I’m so conflicted, and due to my age I just don’t really have the time to kick the can down the road. Has anyone else ever thought this? I can’t bring myself to part with any baby things or clothes and I know I yearn for another, but also I feel like there’s so many wonderful places that I’d love to take my kids and see myself (the Caribbean, California, Maldives, Canada, china, Japan etc)

I’m a penny and the bun person as well as a dreamer, anyone else stood where I’m standing now.

edit to say I’m 35

What does your DH want? And how old are your children? Forgetting about holidays, can you afford to help all 3 with uni etc?

YANBU, I only had one child and this was one of the reasons (among others though to be fair).

Sounds like you are ready to move on from having more children and want the freedom.

Yeah he’d like more but not the extent of seeking ivf if it didn’t happen naturally .

they are 5 and 3. We currently save £75 a month each child. Opened with £1k. Plus now child benefit in an investment isa which we’d use to subsidise them at uni if they wanted to go away for uni. Topped up with additional birthday and x mas money relatives give. My advice would be stay close to home and live at home or look at degree apprenticeships but if there is a subject that can only be studied far away, we can subsidise.

But equally I really want another baby and I always wanted 3. And I’m quite envious of the pregnant announcements I see etc (not in an evil way but in the I wish it was me way)

basically I want it all.

Would you be happy to go on holiday to those places without the children once they are a bit older and can you leave them with someone? Anyway, I think you can probably have the baby and do the traveling, it doesn’t have to be one holiday every year and you can still travel once your children grow up. Maybe cut down somewhere else?

Thing is, I mean we could but I wouldn’t want to, I’d want to experience it with them. We’d probably be able to do a big holiday every 3 years and then cheaper holidays abroad to fill the gap

I'd prefer freedom and seeing the world.

Also consider the environmental impacts. Your existing kids will have a better chance at a livable future if everyone contents themselves with fewer children.

I guess the biggest test would be if you decided no more how would you feel . The holidays could come later - however the age gap at this point would be so much easier

But there’s equally an environmental impact for me travelling over the world

Exactly! I think this is it. And I think id be sad and regretful but I’d also be gutted I couldn’t take my kids to the Seychelles but then I suppose how many do take their children to the Seychelles

How old are the kids now? If they're in primary school I wouldn't rock the boat when you've got to a good place of freedom and can start experiencing things like holidays etc, give them the childhood you want them to have. If they're preschoolers I would be more on the fence.

Your kids won't give a shit about going to the Seychelles. I would have loved a third and would have definitely done it in your position.

I think if you’re asking this question then you already know the answer.

It sounds like you have a nice little set up and both of your kids will have nice lives.

I also think an odd number of kids is less fair than an even number of kids.

I never understand why people want 3, because one gets left out or treated differently (usually the middle child).

Sorry to derail, but how do you get the free childcare hours and child benefit on that salary? I thought you didn’t get any of these on £60k or more ?

I'd take the holidays. Also think of how much more you can offer your 2, a third would be more stretch.

One just starting reception and one nursery

We didn’t claim CB until this year because now you don’t repay it until you earn over 60k so we’ll pay back like £300 I think.

we get tax free childcare and the 15 funded hrs for my youngest, you only stop getting those when you earn individually over 100k.
the nursery is discounted because it’s subsidised by the LA I think.

In some ways I would have loved a 3rd and often feel slightly sad/jealous when I see people with 3 but I focus on the things we can do with just 2 and can see lots of benefits to having stuck at 2. I was going to say if you are going to do it then do it soon for a close age gap but that is perhaps just because mine are close in age. What about waiting a couple of years and doing some amazing trips then have a 3rd at 38/39? Or have the 3rd now, DH take a sabbatical and do a big trip?

Have you been? It’s not somewhere I’d take DD (personally). She would be bored out of her mind. Admittedly I went a long time ago- couples holiday. The flight time alone, just for sun, sand, sea.
I’d personally ditch the third child idea in favour of holidays with older children, trips, luxuries, cars, house deposits. But it all boils down to how much you want that third child, you are still young.
We were older than you when we had DD, I never wish for another child and DD doesn’t want a sibling.

On such a high income with low outgoings, isn’t it possible to have a third dc and still nice holidays? Maybe not the Seychelles but somewhere lovely.

if you want another baby you could afford it - just depends what you want. I’d choose baby.

I wouldn’t but that’s me I prioritise travel in my life !!

using my maternity leave with my second to travel !! Husband took a Sabatical and we are off for 3 months on Saturday with the 2 kids

I’d rather have a few trips every year and not have another child

what about your current children you’d be taking away something from them too - they lose out on holidays because you want a baby?

but then I planned ttc aroindt whether I got Glastonbury tickets or not 🤣🤣🤣

We’re lucky we did a lovely big trip this year. It was magical. It’s definitely sparked my want to do more

id worry about waiting too long into my 30s and the opportunity slipping away and risk for complications increasing.

So we’d still go on hols, maybe not a Caribbean cruise or Mexico every year but we could do a few last minute steals of 4* standard I’d think

No I’ve never been, but it’s on the list, same with Maldives and lots of other places. I have wanderlust