To chose holiday over baby?

[Thelittleenginethatcouldd]

posting for traffic, posted in chat too

I’ve got 2 lovely children, but since my second was born I’ve known I wanted a third.

we have the space (although would need to upsize in the future) and the car and the income about (120k a year) and some great state schools in the area, as well as very generously discounted nursery for instance FT with 15 hrs is about £550 a month. Our mortgage is small and will get smaller when rates drop (we’ve got a high fix). We pay the max into our pensions (about 15% each), save for the kids. Plenty of progression work wise.

BUT, I spent my entire twenties studying and then fell pregnant quite soon after getting married, and there are so many lovely places I’ve always wanted to visit and things to do.

we could afford to do one big holiday every year ( I shop around, maybe every other year if we went really big the year prior) BUT with another child it would be more like one every 3 years. Now I now this is not really a problem, but I’m so conflicted, and due to my age I just don’t really have the time to kick the can down the road. Has anyone else ever thought this? I can’t bring myself to part with any baby things or clothes and I know I yearn for another, but also I feel like there’s so many wonderful places that I’d love to take my kids and see myself (the Caribbean, California, Maldives, Canada, china, Japan etc)

I’m a penny and the bun person as well as a dreamer, anyone else stood where I’m standing now.

edit to say I’m 35

We only have one and do a big holiday every year 😆

I also agree with PP that three is an awkward number for kids, because someone is always left out (it's a bit like that with us and DD TBF)

Thirdly the Seychelles is definitely not somewhere to bother taking kids!

Why on earth would you think that, I have 3, none left out !

I had 3 and all i can say is having a third impacts your life as much as going from 0 to 1 does, It really isn't just one more. 3 teens is hard work. Not all cars can fit 3 in the back, not all hotels have family rooms for 3 children so you have to have 2 rooms. Family day out tickets are normally 2adults + 2 children. It is not as straight forward as 2 but if you really think you need to have another go for it.

I guess kids don’t really care where they go on Holiday - sure my 3 year old told me buttons was the best holiday of her life - when she was in Japan a few months previous 🤣🤣

but we chose locations more for where we want to go and the kids tag along and there’s something for everyone then !

if your not pushed on where you go just enjoy holidays with your family and could still afford it with 3 then why not !

and the baby is free for the first 2 years !!

Also (again) holidays are so much trickier with 5 people, so many are based on 2 adults and 2 DC (we always overpay because there's only 3 of us) but 5 is going into 2 hotel room territory, needing a bigger hire car etc.

@Getonwitit great minds 😆

Two kids is plenty, 3 will complicate travelling and no doubt make it prohibitively expensive for you.

opt for holidays instead OP 😎

I genuinely don’t understand why with 3 kids people think one gets left out?! Do you mean one for each parent and then you just leave the 3rd one behind somewhere? It’s like me saying I don’t understand 2, it feels too neat to me !

It sounds like you are not that fixed on the idea of a third. If you were to fall pregnant in the next month or two, then it would be another 4 years from today till you got to the point where your third would be the same age as your second is now. And as you are talking about travelling now, I assume you didn't before as you thought the youngest wasn't old enough.

Also, you have no idea what a third child would be like. Could be a chip off the old block and similar to the first two, or could be ND or just more complicated. No doubt you would love them just the same, but you can't guarantee you would have the same scenario.

Also, if you are planning on being a family that travels, 4 is more straightforward. One child per parent to oversee, or one hand for each child and the other parents wheels the luggage.

In your shoes I would feel blessed to have what I have and stick with it.

It sounds like you are not that fixed on the idea of a third. If you were to fall pregnant in the next month or two, then it would be another 4 years from today till you got to the point where your third would be the same age as your second is now. And as you are talking about travelling now, I assume you didn't before as you thought the youngest wasn't old enough.

Also, you have no idea what a third child would be like. Could be a chip off the old block and similar to the first two, or could be ND or just more complicated. No doubt you would love them just the same, but you can't guarantee you would have the same scenario.

Also, if you are planning on being a family that travels, 4 is more straightforward. One child per parent to oversee, or one hand for each child and the other parents wheels the luggage.

In your shoes I would feel blessed to have what I have and stick with it.

Hi, I love a big holiday and I've just had my 3rd. We did Tokyo last year and Florida the year before. I completely understand where you coming from and our lives have changed dramatically since having our 3rd but now she's here I don't mind missing out. This year we're going to Centre Parcs and my kids my is equally excited about that and the other holidays!

I desperately thought I wanted a third, but we made the decision to spend the finances we have on the kids we already have and not try and make it spread further. It was tricky, but now I'm so pleased we stuck to our guns.
Plus if we'd had a third, we would have seriously struggled when my health took a turn for the worst a few years ago. Always something to consider

We stuck at two kids.
Age 7 and 9 Lapland
Age 8 and 10 Florida
Agr 9 and 11 Barbados.
Covid put a stop to Thailand so had a few years of European hols
Age 13 and 15 the Maldives - it's not an adults place, it's for everyone.
We were due to go Zanzibar this year but building work in hotel so swapped to Cape Verde.
Next year 16 and 18 we're going to Mauritius.

In between we've had Spain or the Canaries.

I want to show my kids the world. Work hard, play hard.

We're not wealthy, earn less than OP but prioritise family holidays as we both work full time.

tbh this is one of the reason (as well as my age) I’m sticking at 2.

I DO want a third but…

I want to go on nice holidays again and I want to go frequently
I want to retire at 60
I want to sleeeeeeep (managed this more with second mat leave thanks to night babies but that cost ££££)
I want to have time to go to the gym
I want to pretend I might send the kids to private secondary 🥴

on the holiday side of things….

id caution you on Maldives… I and a few others I know agree it’s really overhyped. unless you loooooooove beaches is massively massively overrated and a shag to get to. Ditto Bali (I went because I was in Singapore for business and it was FINE but really otherwise I would not have bothered with it)

i really recommend Cape Town and Kruger for slightly older kids 6+ maybe? Soooo much amazing stuff to do and bush drives 😍😍😍
and for young teens / if you like national parks and nature Madagascar is incredible the biodiversity is unreal! And lemurs are wonderful!!!! 😍

Edit: and Iceland - absolutely incredible can’t WAIT to take the kids there!!!!

The kids won't but OP might, that's the point.

I wonder if you will always feel sad about giving away the baby clothes etc and even if you have a third this won’t make a difference. Some women are just like this; they never feel “done” with having children or like their family is fully complete.

I'd absolutely prioritise the children you have already and the wonderful life and adventures you can give them.
But I'm another who stuck at 2 and prioritised travel! DS6 and DD3 so far done Majorca, Menorca, Salou, Portugal, Holland, Belgium, France, Disneyland Paris 4 times, Florida next month. And current plans for Iceland, New York, Tokyo and Hong Kong.
Also consider if you had a severely disabled child, which could then make any travel very limited.

@PrimalLass

this! What about what Op wants?

That is assuming your third will be healthy. Life becomes even more difficult and restrictive for everyone when disability is a part of it.

Give your children - the ones who actually exist right now - the best life. Go travelling and make many great memories. It's a big world out there.

Your kids won't give a shit about going to the Seychelles.

My kids would absolutely pick the Seychelles over another sibling, tbh I think they'd pick Blackpool over another sibling!!

Mine would pick Blackpool over the Seychelles!

There’s going to be at least a 4 year age gap and depending on when you conceive a 4 or 5 academic year gap. When your eldest is starting upper 6th and your 3 year old is in Y11 and your family is about to have A levels and GCSCs in one year, your youngest might only just have started senior school.
We have three. I adore them and wouldn’t change a thing. The fact is family hotel rooms are set up for two adults and two children, cars are easier with two car seats in the back. Swimming lessons and brownies on the same night can just about be juggled. Throw in football club for the third and something has to give. Theatre trips, holiday clubs, school trips when they’re at senior school might be easily doable for two, but be a stretch for three. Driving lessons and university halls of residence for three is financially crippling.

Mine want both lol they are desperate for another sibling too.

Hi OP, I would do a big holiday (or 2) now, then get pregnant afterwards.

I’m 34 and due with no.3 in Oct, we’re going to the Maldives in March as a family of 5, but I did tell my husband it would have been easier and cheaper to do it before ttc. But we did manage to fit in the Caribbean 3 times before expanding our family.

We’re planning 4 kids, so hopefully we can fit in another big holiday before ttc no.4 😂