To chose holiday over baby?

[Thelittleenginethatcouldd]

posting for traffic, posted in chat too

I’ve got 2 lovely children, but since my second was born I’ve known I wanted a third.

we have the space (although would need to upsize in the future) and the car and the income about (120k a year) and some great state schools in the area, as well as very generously discounted nursery for instance FT with 15 hrs is about £550 a month. Our mortgage is small and will get smaller when rates drop (we’ve got a high fix). We pay the max into our pensions (about 15% each), save for the kids. Plenty of progression work wise.

BUT, I spent my entire twenties studying and then fell pregnant quite soon after getting married, and there are so many lovely places I’ve always wanted to visit and things to do.

we could afford to do one big holiday every year ( I shop around, maybe every other year if we went really big the year prior) BUT with another child it would be more like one every 3 years. Now I now this is not really a problem, but I’m so conflicted, and due to my age I just don’t really have the time to kick the can down the road. Has anyone else ever thought this? I can’t bring myself to part with any baby things or clothes and I know I yearn for another, but also I feel like there’s so many wonderful places that I’d love to take my kids and see myself (the Caribbean, California, Maldives, Canada, china, Japan etc)

I’m a penny and the bun person as well as a dreamer, anyone else stood where I’m standing now.

edit to say I’m 35

You could choose to prioritise travel, and then one of your existing children could grow into a terrible traveller. E.g. travel sick, sensitive to the sun, home sick, fussy eater.

The type of holidays I take now are nothing like the ones i imagined I would take, due to the DC having strong opinions about where they want to go. We go abroad 1 year in 3, and do the things they prefer other years.

If you didn't have the baby, and then didn't get the holidays, would you regret it?

Child benefit tails off at £60k. It doesn’t stop. Childcare hours ‘stop’ at £100k, except they don’t really as it doesn’t include pension and you can salary sacrifice to make yourself eligible again.

To be clear though that’s only certain kinds of pensions, and not most work place pensions (learned that a few years back with child benefit)

I had the third and so glad I did it. The first two children absolutely love her. We still have holidays every year one abroad and one at center parcs. My third has really brought the fun back to the other two because they are all very silly together and it’s actually brought us all closer as a family because we (the parents) get in on silly action lol.

I know my want for another child would never have been satisfied no matter how many long haul holidays I could go on.

No, in calculating your net adjusted salary for eligibility for funded childcare hours or tax free, you always deduct your pension contributions.

If you and DH want a third child and literally the only significant financial difference to your lives that a third child is going to make is that you have to wait a little bit to go on an exotic holiday and then go every three years instead of every year, then this would be a absolute no-brainer to me. You have probably several more decades of your lives to go travelling. I also tend to agree with a PP that it's not always good for kids to bring them up with very high lifestyle expectations that they then won't necessarily be able to afford for themselves as adults. Better to teach them to be content with a slightly more modest lifestyle (which in your case sounds like what most people would consider as a normal lifestyle and "normal" holidays in fact, definitely no major deprivation involved!) and then if you can afford to offer everyone the occasional "big" luxury holiday it will just be all the more exciting when it comes. Why not plan one to celebrate your fortieth, for example?

This thread is the stuff of nightmares for any environmentalist

We did the online calculator and put all the info in, and it still took into account gross pay rather, so base salary and bonus before pension deductions

Not sure what calculator you used, but it's incorrect. The government guidance on eligibility and how to calculate it is very clear.

It was the government calculator as part of the self assessment tax return, we provided all of our information as is and it took the gross salary

That's for child benefit – not tax free childcare or funded hours.

Yes!

Oh ok, lol! We're talking at cross purposes then!

Oh sorry I hit sent too soon, I meant to say YES great point! Oops

Anyways, just have a third.
you know when you both have a nap in bed and you wake up with them next to you and they’re all warm and snuggly….do that

I was desperate for a third and it has been difficult. I want to point out that I wouldn’t change anything before the trolls start on me.
these are the things I didn’t realise:
I am raising three children and I’m responsible for an upbringing that shapes them as adults. Raising older kids can be harder than raising a baby. I only thought as far as having another baby. I didn’t stop and think I was having another human being that turns into a teenager and then adult.
i am constantly dividing myself in 3 as each one needs me in a different way as they are all different ages with different interests.
my older two do not naturally gravitate to playing with the youngest. I am conscious not to make them “babysitters”.
my husband struggles to parent our third so I am left doing everything. Be sure your marriage is strong.

Not as much as the energy used by your 3 kids and their 9 kids etc etc

Seems like you earn enough to have another baby and travel. Just go on slightly shorter holidays, or spend less when you get there.

We debated a lot about this same thing for number 5, but I’m so glad we went for it. Holidays and adventures still happen, but the joy from the child by far outweighs whatever we gave up. There will be time for travel

I love having 3. It was not a plan to have 3 and there is a 4 to 5 year age gap each time. Time runs away with you and my eldest has left home, the absolute joy when he comes back for a couple of nights is priceless. Yes holidays would be fab but we just changed big hols plans and did UK beach family friendly with pool which they all talk so fondly of. It makes me wince when others say they’d forgo a third for holidays but that is such a personal thing, I have the third one so that skews my perspective. I love 3. It is not an odd number at all, they all do stuff with each other at different times. We aren’t locked together as a unit all the time. We do whatever suits who at any given time.

YANBU. We only had one for the very same reason. People look at us like we’re stupid when we are honest and say we only had one because we like nice stuff and holidays. But I’d rather be honest than lie. It cost so much more to take two or 3 children. We are now 41 (dh) and 43 (me) with a 15 year old. Go to Florida every 4 years in the years in between we go away 2-3 times a year. Have a very small nearly paid off mortgage and are in a good position to fund him through university without him going into debt. Having lost my dad at 23, he was 47 I can tell you that memories are priceless and if you can give your two children amazing memories that’s priceless. Unless you’ve got an out of this world income then children are expensive. We have an income similar to yours. Some people will tell you you’re selfish depending on their children stance but you’ve got to go with your heart

Have a baby. You're never going to look back in your old age and think "Sarah sucks I which I'd chosen the holiday instead of having her".but sounds very much as if you will regret not trying for another baby.
You can travel the world once your kids are grown, and they will have their own adventures as adults.

Two for us is perfect. More than enough and we can give two so much more as not spreading thinly. But some really love parenting I guess personally could only stick it twice the thought of doing it all again brings me out in a cold sweat. I would rather be dancing on a beach now am nearly 50 not still dragging on to the primary school <shudder>

@Gemst199 its so presumptuous to assume that Op will be fit and well enough to travel when her kids are all grown. We could all get run over by a bus next week! We have to seize the day and do what’s important to us now rather than assume we can do it 10 years time - tomorrow is never promised.

Travelling would have a much lower environmental impact than having another child…