To chose holiday over baby?

[Thelittleenginethatcouldd]

posting for traffic, posted in chat too

I’ve got 2 lovely children, but since my second was born I’ve known I wanted a third.

we have the space (although would need to upsize in the future) and the car and the income about (120k a year) and some great state schools in the area, as well as very generously discounted nursery for instance FT with 15 hrs is about £550 a month. Our mortgage is small and will get smaller when rates drop (we’ve got a high fix). We pay the max into our pensions (about 15% each), save for the kids. Plenty of progression work wise.

BUT, I spent my entire twenties studying and then fell pregnant quite soon after getting married, and there are so many lovely places I’ve always wanted to visit and things to do.

we could afford to do one big holiday every year ( I shop around, maybe every other year if we went really big the year prior) BUT with another child it would be more like one every 3 years. Now I now this is not really a problem, but I’m so conflicted, and due to my age I just don’t really have the time to kick the can down the road. Has anyone else ever thought this? I can’t bring myself to part with any baby things or clothes and I know I yearn for another, but also I feel like there’s so many wonderful places that I’d love to take my kids and see myself (the Caribbean, California, Maldives, Canada, china, Japan etc)

I’m a penny and the bun person as well as a dreamer, anyone else stood where I’m standing now.

edit to say I’m 35

Why not, if they can afford it? Who is to say what other people choose to do with their money is a "waste?"

Having a child is worse for the environment than going on one holiday a year.

But you’re not saying you won’t do these trips, you’ll just do them less often.

Only thing is special education needs. I can’t do any of that now as my child is autistic and life is hard. If you’re able to travel with your two then maybe you should stick with them. But I feel like your heart wants to try for another.

Oh for goodness sake it’s one extra child. If you look into this properly it’s not actually the worst thing .

They’ve been (Spain and south of France) and they loved butlins more, this year we did 3 weeks in Florida, exploring, Disney and then the cruise to the Bahamas- come back and according to my eldest, it was neck and neck with butlins. The buggers.

You’re still young enough that you’ll be young for nice holidays when the kids are older, so I’d vote for the child now.

It totally does, I always think about it like if you want a baby, don’t have one, because they are a baby for such a short period of time. But I think I want another member to the gang, another sibling for them to grow up with

You’ll be able to travel once the kids are older but you won’t always be able to try for another. Could you guys have a really great holiday within the next wee while then try for another when you get back?

Don’t want to be rude, but I feel like this is a nice problem to have

How can you let children of only 5 and 3 years of age, have any influence on your holidays or whether or not you have another child OP? They have no knowledge or experience to drawer on, and are likely to vote on the thing that Mummy and/or Daddy seems most enthusiastic about.

That aside, I am the youngest of 3 children, and was spoiled at the expense of the middle child because I was 'the last one'. My own child was advised by some very good friends who had 3 children, not to go for a third one, because it makes life so much more difficult simply because you only have 2 hands, hence causing arguments depending on age difference, as to who gets to hold Mum's hand. Also, travelling becomes more difficult with three, as you can't always get a family of five seated on a plane together. It's harder to keep track of three when you're out and about. Life obviously becomes more hectic, and more expensive, etc., etc., etc. My child took no notice of the advice given, and the middle child has sadly ended up with a massive chip on her shoulder due to 'middle child syndrome' - she suffered in exactly the same way that my own older sister did, with the younger child getting spoiled as she was the last baby of the family. When I was growing up, two of us would frequently side against the other one, leading to major arguments, and unsurprisingly, history has repeated itself in the same way with my grandchildren throughout their childhood, and continues even now that they're all adults. My advice, if in doubt, would be to stick with the two you have, rather than spreading yourself more thinly, and possibly finding in the future, that life goes against you and having had that third child, just makes things so much more difficult. Perhaps another question to ask yourself would be, how would having a third child work out, should that child be severely disabled for any reason. You're already lucky enough to have two children OP, is it really worth taking the risk?? I should point out that I'm only playing devil's advocate here, and wouldn't wish disability on any child, but it could happen, and is maybe worth thinking about.

That’s not rude, we’re definitely not rolling in it, this is largely idealism on my part and being able to take some very cheap hols when my youngest was under 2 and we could get a free child place for the eldest

I’ve said a few times now, on having another child if my children we really really against it, then I’d take it on board.

holiday, yeah we let them have some input, obviously it’s not a case of ‘mummy I want to go to Australia’ so we go there on our next holiday, dh and I narrow it down and and we’ll show them and let them have their opinion

It's a difficult choice to make, so I empathise. I'm also 35, two kids (4 and 20 months). I would've liked a third. I've been thinking about it seriously on and off since 2nd was 12 months.

We've decided against it and it does feel like the right decision. I, too, would rather take the children I have now on nice holidays, and give them more of my time. However, what clinched it, is that eldest is adamant he doesn't want any more siblings. He loves his brother, but no more for him 😅 that made our decision a lot easier. I can imagine it must be even more difficult if your children would like another sibling.

It’s always good to think about! Objectively speaking (because I think it’s a head decision whereas others would think it’s a heart decision) - would another sibling be in their best interest. As PP says, depending on TTC you could have a 6/7 year age gap with your eldest. Even a 6 year gap will make holidays tricking - a 12 year old and a 6 year old have quite different needs and the gap means they’re less likely to be super close. I had a similar gap with my next siblings and I love them to pieces but we’re not close in a best friend sort of way because we’ve always been at very different life stages. Ultimately if you’re a heart decision that won’t matter at all, but the fact you’ve posted suggests that may not be the case

This was one of many reasons I was one and done. In my opinion there’s a lot more to life than raising kids and I was unwilling to hope I’ll do it when they’re older - there’s no guarantee I’ll be well enough or even alive.

I think it’s just a classic example of not being able to have it all OP. You’ve been quite lucky to be able to have the two kids you have got without making major financial sacrifices by the sounds of it and now a third despite how much you’d want one would change the balance. But that’s just life.

You either don’t have the third baby and enjoy nicer holidays with the two you have or if you really want another in the way you have described then it shouldn’t matter to you that you’d have those bigger holidays less frequently or have more modest holidays closer to home. Only you can answer which of those sacrifices you’re willing to make for the other.

Whatever decision you chose you will make your peace with it and life will continue. Like others have stated this is a really lovely problem to have and I would view it as win win whatever the situation instead of what you’re giving up by not having a child / going to the Maldives - what you’re gaining by another addition to your family or being able to have the lovely quality of life / holidays with the lovely family that you’re very lucky to have 🥰

If, one day, you’re fifty-five and you find yourself wishing you’d had another child, your window of opportunity has passed. If you’re fifty-five and find yourself wishing that you’d gone on a big trip, your window of opportunity is still there as long as you’ve got enough money and your health is good. I’d go ahead and have a third baby.

I had a 3rd at 38, I’d have liked a 4th but dh not keen, and finances were a factor. It was school fees I was worried about though, I can live without glamorous holidays! My eldest wanted 100 more siblings and I have not taken his opinion into account, nor do I consult him about holidays. We plan the holidays and the lucky little crew get to come along.
You are so conflicted I think perhaps that is a sign you should stick with 2.

What if her health isn't good though.

We've no idea what the future holds.

I'd choose travelling the world over a 3rf baby any day of the week.

You also have to consider that a 3rd healthy baby is not guaranteed, being an older mum for this one brings risks for the baby and how would you feel if your final child had disabilities or special needs that meant those lovely holidays aren’t even doable every 3 years? I think it could be naive to think it may be as simple as slotting in another perfectly healthy baby, because you just never know what is around the corner and at 35+ the chances of having a baby with chromosomal abnormalities is higher anyway. It’s just something to consider, you have to think would you still be happier with your third child if that ended up meaning no holidays/local holidays only in that instance?

The holidays you are talking about are adult dream holidays. Because of this I'd say you are just stuck with the idea of a 3rd child becuae thats what you always wanted, but really you want to get on with other things which is all to the good. If you wanted a 3rd that much you wouldn't let bog holidays sway you away from this. Its not like you are talking about not being able to feed yourselves, you can easily afford a 3rd but your priorities have shifted.thats fine.

I know a few families who’ve had 2 kids, lovely life and have gone on to have a third who has then had extensive needs and turned family life on its head.
Of course I have no doubt they adore all their children and I have no idea if they have regrets but from the outside it does look like they’ve gone from having it all to a life where one gives up work (Mum inevitably) and spends her life juggling appointments/hospital stays/respite/back breaking hard work, the pre existing children are shuttled around to whoever can have them whilst they rush to hospital with third, and any sort of holiday is really not on the cards.
If you’ve two children with minimal extra needs and a lovely life as you have described I personally wouldn’t spin the roulette wheel again. Enjoy the great life you’ve created.

Travelling with 2 kids is going to be much easier than 3. One child to each parent. Hotel rooms, family rooms are often for 4. Hire cars, obviously more expensive if you need more space. Meals out etc.

Travelling with 2 kids is going to be much easier than 3. One child to each parent. Hotel rooms, family rooms are often for 4. Hire cars, obviously more expensive if you need more space. Meals out etc.