Please settle a household coffee debate!

[Flippingflamingo]

Husband drinks coffee
Wife doesn’t not drink coffee, or tea, or any hot drinks.

Wife does online food shop order each week
Husband visits a supermarket 3-4 times a week to buy lunch on his break
Wife does not usually buy coffee on weekly food shop as it’s not a weekly routine purchase

Husband maintains wife should check household coffee supplies and replenish as needed
Wife maintains husband should tell wife when coffee is needed to add to the order. Or husband should buy it himself on his lunch break!

So as the wife… AIBU?

You’re both being ridiculous and nit picky
why not add to the online order monthly?
why not pick it up whilst in the supermarket
doesn’t need to be a source of aggravation for either

I don’t eat specific things I put on the order for my DH but I still add them to our shop

How about some kindness and generosity in your marriage, as long as it goes both ways? Part of showing love is considering your spouse even if it doesn't benefit you directly at all.

If you don’t drink it you are not going to know it’s running low. It’s not for you to check it.

Having coffee on the regular shop seems reasonable. Husband picking it up when he is in the shop seems sensible.

Just buy six - 12 packets in one go and keep them in the cupboard.

Same in this household. Dh nips to Sainsbury's when this happens without complaint.

Otherwise he would be seen as a nag.

Lol I literally just had this conversation with my husband yesterday!
He drinks coffee and I dont, the coffee ran out and he asked why I didn't buy any on the weekly shop earlier this week. I told him (like I always have to tell him!) to tell me when it's running low and I'll get more. I don't drink it so have no idea/don't care when it's running low! Granted, he did go out to the corner shop to buy some though 😀

Either way. It isn't difficult to add it to the weekly shop monthly or every 2 weeks or so. Or, coffee drinker could be responsible for adding it to list when required. If it's my turn to shop, I just buy my husband's preferred drink and when it's his turn, he just buys what I like.

Of course he should keep a check on it.
He drinks it, he replaces it.
Ignore him.
Twat.

My husband hoovers vats of cashew nut, almond and hazelnut butters.

I bulk buy them or he does. HE keeps an eye on them, I certainly don't check the pantry to see whats there.

I would happily check and add it to the shopping, and so would my DH if roles were reversed.

Do you check other items too that you might not use? Eg. his deodorant, shaving gel etc. It seems to me you do know full well it is a regularly used item and therefore it makes its way in the usual to purchase list rather than random one offs list. So for that reason I would say it isn't unreasonable for him to expect you to buy it in a weekly grocery shop.

I think doing the weekly shop should include checking all the usual stuff, which would include the coffee. But your DH should also be mentioning when he's running low. Basically, not a big deal at all. If he drinks it daily there should always be a spare in the press, but again that's on you both.

What's the distribution of load here? We both work FT, and DH does the shop. He'll pick up stuff I have that he doesn't that I use on a weekly based, like yoghurt, but I tell him if I need shampoo or tampons that aren't needed weekly. If I run out of tampons, that's on me not him!

But my mum was a SAHM, and she ran the house and kept my dad's stuff topped up. That was part of her contribution to the family, and I think that was fair enough.

keep a shared grocery list and husband should add coffee when he is running low.

doesn’t everyone have a list? Whether it is an old school piece of paper or a shared app?

Growing up we had a paper list on the wall in the kitchen. Anything was running out you added it to the list and the next person shopping picked it up. Nowadays that might be a shared electronic list, or it might still be paper, but I'd expect the coffee drinker to communicate that it's run out. Because the person who ran it out is the one who flags that it needs buying. Saves having to constantly check the status of the millions of things you currently have in stock.

It’s not hard to pop a tin/jar/bag of coffee in the shop really, is it?

This sounds like a pretty crap and exhaustingly petty way to live.

My husband doesn’t use conditioner but he’ll pick some up when he knows we’re running low as a kindness to me. Similarly, I’m not much of a coffee drinker but will keep an eye on his supplies as a cafe near my work roasts their own beans and he really likes them.

This is entirely on the husband. He drinks coffee so it's him that knows when it's needed. It would also be him who'd know what to choose if his normal brand is unavailable or whether to try something else that's new or on special offer.

This is something that the wife has no reason to get involved in.

It's not that hard for him to tell you, you're not going to run around checking every tin and cupboard before doing the shop.

It's also not that hard for him to pick some up at lunch if he knows he's run out.

I buy massive tubs from costco and refill for my other half as I don't drink coffee either. You could do this, it's also tons cheaper

Also it's not like it's perishable, so I don't know why you wouldn't just pick it up every couple of weeks, building up a bit of a surplus isn't a big deal.

I don't drink milk or eat bread, DH does, so a quick shout out when I'm doing a shopping list. Do we need milk/bread. Do you want me to add anything for you. DH also does shopping he does the same, no ones job, common courtesy and kindness. Edited for some garbled text. I need a coffee ☕

I have to be honest I don’t really get this…. I wouldn’t want to divide who buys what based on which one of us likes or uses it. It’s a joint household so if there’s a weekly / monthly household shop I’d add it in to that.

I think the wife is being ridiculous, presumably the weekly shop is for the whole family, not just the stuff that the wife uses? And presumably the wife checks stock of other things in the house when doing the weekly shop so is it really too hard to check coffee levels? Really very petty of the wife.

It's not important. Find something else to argue about.

To add: we have a magnet list on the fridge - I write anything that needs replacing on there. If you had something similar he could make a note when he's getting low. If I were you I'd probably just make a note to myself to always buy coffee in the first week of the month/whatever interval makes sense.

Is his baseline to be horribly selfish or entitled or inconsiderate of you? Otherwise I don't understand why you wouldn't just show a bit of care. Has he got on your case about it or something?

And yet, as is always the case on threads like this, it's always the woman who has to just do the thing that's 'not hard'.

Should the OP be going out and checking if his car needs filling with petrol and taking it to the garage for a fill up if it's getting a bit low?

We have a list on the wall in the kitchen. If you notice any "staples" are running low, you add it to the list. Whoever happens to go shopping, whenever they happen to go, tries to get stuff off the list (sometimes we forget to look at the list, sometimes we go shopping after work etc and so aren't at home to check the list ...).

If stuff runs out, we do without it for a while or we go out and get it when we want it. No strife.

An electronic list would serve us better than a list in the kitchen, but the kids can also add stuff to the physical list, whereas some of them don't have gadgets to add electronically. It's also easier to get them to add to a list that's right there when you discover something is finished/nearly finished!

Why is it the wife's job to do the food shopping? Maybe the husband needs to do it sometimes if it's not being done to his satisfaction