Please settle a household coffee debate!

[Flippingflamingo]

Husband drinks coffee
Wife doesn’t not drink coffee, or tea, or any hot drinks.

Wife does online food shop order each week
Husband visits a supermarket 3-4 times a week to buy lunch on his break
Wife does not usually buy coffee on weekly food shop as it’s not a weekly routine purchase

Husband maintains wife should check household coffee supplies and replenish as needed
Wife maintains husband should tell wife when coffee is needed to add to the order. Or husband should buy it himself on his lunch break!

So as the wife… AIBU?

Yabu, grow up. He shouldn't need to buy it at lunch and carry home.

On the other hand, you shouldn't have to remember for him - surely you ask and add stuff to shop as needed? One of us books the shop and then whoever can be arsed fills the trolley.

Oh! Managed to miss the bit about him going to the supermarket multiple times per week. That does change things a bit. He can pick it up himself when he knows it's getting low. Otherwise he's adding to your mental load for absolutely no reason!

I'd be pretty annoyed at that actually so I'm going to change my vote - YANBU.

The person who regularly uses the thing needs to tell the other person if they want them to get it.

We also have a list that is added to when you see something is running low, and we always check "need anything from Tesco? " before we go.

No way am i looking inside 8 different cereal boxes, 3 pasta jars, a rice jar, the big box of teabags, box of fishfingers, packet of dishwasher tablets, etc etc to see how much is in there twice a week. That's why I have the system!

Just to add… we are not going to be signing the divorce papers over this!!

I simply expect DH to tell me when he needs coffee adding to the shopping list. More than happy to buy it. But I carry the mental load of most things in our house, to remember to check whether we have coffee when I’m doing the shop might just tip me over the edge!

We have a shared list on Amazon Alexa so anyone who wants something that's not part of the shop adds it on there. I check it when putting in my order for delivery but if it's not there I don't go searching for what's running out for dh.

We just work it out amongst ourselves I tend to shop more so family tells me what they want in addition to the normal but of dh goes I remind him on things or we text each other

I do the weekly order - but there is pad in the kitchen and we all jot down what needs replacing or anything we fancy trying. If it's not on the list, it doesn't get ordered.

If this was the other way around would he be expected to check the tampon/pad stash and buy them? No 😆

My husband loves crisps. I don’t eat them. I buy him a multipack every week. In our house, I do the online shop at the supermarket, he goes to Home Bargains for cleaning and other bits once a month.

I do the weekly shopping in our house and DH tells me anything of his that needs replacing. Or anything joint that needs replacing. We have a list on a whiteboard on the fridge and we'll both add individual and joint things to that as necessary.

I don't check DH's toiletries, or coffee (he's also the only coffee drinker in the house).

OP do you never make him a coffee? If so wouldn't you know it was low?

Pettiness in the extreme

@Flippingflamingo so any visitors to your home are never offered a cup of tea or coffee????? absolutely weird if you ask me! or dont you welcome any visitors????

put it on a repeat order from Amazon

Wife does all the cooking so usually knows when something is running low. Wife never opens the coffee jar.

Children in the house are trained to tell me if cereal, toiletries they need etc are running low.

But why do you need to remember? Just pick up a pack every couple of weeks. There's no mental load in that. Unless you're very short on storage and can't stock the extras.

I'm sure there's other stuff you buy like that without checking the stock (toiletries, tins of tomatoes, tuna, pesto, rice here).

In our house I do all of the food shopping, I don’t just buy things I eat/drink, its a chore for the family, so should benefit everyone in the family, not just the person doing it.

I don't drink either but because I work in a supermarket Dp will tell me if we are running low and I'll pick it up. I need my staff discount to buy it, as a non coffee drinker the price amazes me.

The person who does the weekly should be the one checking and adding things to the list imo.

I would find it extremely petty if my DH refused to replace something only I used.

Of course they are, but it’s rare we have visitors to be honest. We both work and family are further away. Friends are usually met in pubs or coffee shops not in my home.

The husband is being ridiculous, he is literally in the coffee packet and can see when it's low and could tell his wife or add some to the shopping himself yet expects his wife to do extra work checking the coffee to verify something he already knows but won't do anything about. Pathetic

Buy two. When he starts using the spare buy a replacement.

We have a weekly shopping list where we (usually me) make a meal plan for the week and we add whatever we need. He could add coffee when he is running out. He could also pick up any extra bits and bobs while he gets his lunch.

Exactly, I use lots of things such as shampoo, conditioner, tea bags that my husband does not. I would add them to the shop myself or ask DH to pick up for me when he goes. Similarly he would ask me to add the things he needs that have run low.

My husband and I have a shared Google doc where we add stuff for the shopping list. This is mainly for when we see stuff has run out around the house that we wouldn't already have in a weekly shop (e.g stuff like cling film, stock cubes, oil, batteries etc). Seems to work well, if I don't right it down when I see it I usually forget. In your scenario I think as you would never notice the coffee has run out your husband should just tell you and perhaps the list system we have would help with this.

I'm not sure personal hygiene items are comparable to a cupboard staple like coffee.

Husband should find new wife who drinks coffee with him and they should always make sure there is a spare coffee jar behind the current one should it run out.