Please settle a household coffee debate!

[Flippingflamingo]

Husband drinks coffee
Wife doesn’t not drink coffee, or tea, or any hot drinks.

Wife does online food shop order each week
Husband visits a supermarket 3-4 times a week to buy lunch on his break
Wife does not usually buy coffee on weekly food shop as it’s not a weekly routine purchase

Husband maintains wife should check household coffee supplies and replenish as needed
Wife maintains husband should tell wife when coffee is needed to add to the order. Or husband should buy it himself on his lunch break!

So as the wife… AIBU?

Unfortunately that doesn’t make stupid people actually use it! The only way to force them is to refuse to buy anything that’s not on the list. Because if they get wind that you might buy something that’s not on the list, they will for ever more fail to put stuff on the list.

No, you need to take a hard line and let them suffer if they fail to put stuff on the list! They learn their lesson after their stuff runs out a few times, and then your life is easier because they put stuff on the list. Also you never get the blame for not buying something, because the answer is “Well was it on the list?” 🤷‍♀️

All of this. Why would you have it any other way?

Exactly!
I'm finding it so odd that this is a novel idea to so many people.

The wife is being ridiculous. Plenty of things I don’t consume that my DH or DC do- crisps, biscuits, tea, sugar, peanut butter to name but a few. I don’t do a food shop and only add the things I personally need to the basket because we’re a family so I think of everyone…

It's clearly the most time-efficient solution. It avoids all the labour of someone else who doesn't even use the item having to independently check stock levels.

I do the majority of the shopping in our household, and tend to be the one who keeps track of when things are running low. I have a list on my phone that I update whenever I notice that something needs replacing. My husband will tell me if he notices something too, though, so that I can add it to the list.

Crucially, when I do go to the shop I ask my husband if there's anything we need or anything he wants that he can think of, and if so I buy it. When he goes, he does the same thing. We both drink coffee but there are plenty of things that I consume that he doesn't and vice versa. A little communication is all that is required. If I came back from the shop without something he needed but that he hadn't told me about he would be annoyed with himself, not me!

Husband should take care of his own coffee. I don't have that particular problem as I like coffee and DH doesn't, but he likes milk, and a particular type of bread, and I don't, so after many misunderstandings about getting to much or too little I just told him it was his responsibility to get both. There's a corner shop 5 minutes away so if he can't organise himself to get it from a supermarket he never needs to go without.

Nice partial quote of my post there!

Yes, we have a list too.

But who the fuck can be arsed with running out of stuff and blaming each other "for not adding it to the list!" when it takes a minute to open a cupboard and scan it and even less to open your mouth and ask.

99% of the time people remember to add things to the list but there's occasions where people do forget, why wouldn't the person doing the shopping do a quick double check as a fall back just in case?!

We have the same situation here, in that I don't drink coffee but do the shopping (usually online) and definitely compile the lists. We use Alexa to keep a running list open. Before Alexa, we had a whiteboard that the whole family added to. If things weren't bought because they weren't on the board, that was nobody's fault but theirs. The difference between my situation and yours, I guess, is that my husband does not see it as my responsibility to ensure he has coffee available (or anything else for that matter), because he's an adult and behaves like one. Just tell him, if he knows he's running low and he can't be bothered to actually buy it himself, to add it to the list himself. I can't bear people not taking responsibility for themselves, husbands or anyone else.

In our house hold I only drink coffee. To me it’s my responsibility to make sure I have enough although sometimes DH is more on top of this than me; however I do not expect it at all and would t be even remotely upset if I forgot and he also didn’t tell me I’m almost / ran out.

Wife does not usually buy coffee on weekly food shop as it’s not a weekly routine purchase

Well, it is really. Just because you don't drink it doesn't mean that it shouldn't be a regular purchase. DH drinks a lot of Actimel, so it is a regular purchase even though I don't drink it.

This is rather childish. Although, it is up to him to remind you. I always ask DH if he wants anything when I go shopping. Isn't that what people in a loving relationship do?

I don't think the issue is who should pay for it, or who should physically get it - OP is happy to do this.
It's who is responsible for monitoring when it needs replacing - the person who uses ths coffee regularly and sees the coffee levels, or the person who doesn't and would need to specifically check before every trip to the shops.

Wife does not usually buy coffee on weekly food shop as it’s not a weekly routine purchase

Well, it is really.

No- she's said it's needed every 6-8 weeks.

Yes, this is how me and DH do the shop, whoever is doing it will give a shout to ask if we need/want anything adding, or know of anything that needs adding that isn't yet on the list. And actimel is a great example btw 😂 DH has this all the time, I cannot stand the stuff!!

Good god - even my kids know that if they use the last (or nearly last of something) and don't put it on the shopping list, then it probably won't be bought!

And I generally go round before I head off and ask if anyone needs anything else.

I'm not going around checking the cupboards for random things I don't even use. I might remember to get it, I might not. The way I definitely remember is if you put it on the list. That is why we have a list.

We both have access to the online grocery account.

Whoever puts in the order tries to cover everyone's things but the other person can and does check it for things we are personally more consumers of.

Something that has really helped us is putting in 2 orders a week so it's never that long between orders

Whoever doing the weekly shop needs to just ask if more coffee/ tea is needed. Not hard.

We have a shopping list on the fridge. If someone notices something is running low or they use something up they write it on the list. Sometimes I already have it and can replenish it, otherwise I just buy it. It’s a system that works.

Whoever exclusively uses the item needs to say more is needed. Not hard.

Well clearly it is.

I put a general call out before making a list. Never run out of anything or feel the need to start a thread re disputes.

And yes I think of everyone and say I’m going shopping text me by…. if you need anything specific as does dh when I can’t do the shop. Saves money too as well as being a considerate way of operating.

Only on MN.
😉😁😁

I do not eat peanut butter. Partner does.

I am not The Keeper Of All Things.

If something runs out, tell me or purchase when you're next in the shop.