Please settle a household coffee debate!

[Flippingflamingo]

Husband drinks coffee
Wife doesn’t not drink coffee, or tea, or any hot drinks.

Wife does online food shop order each week
Husband visits a supermarket 3-4 times a week to buy lunch on his break
Wife does not usually buy coffee on weekly food shop as it’s not a weekly routine purchase

Husband maintains wife should check household coffee supplies and replenish as needed
Wife maintains husband should tell wife when coffee is needed to add to the order. Or husband should buy it himself on his lunch break!

So as the wife… AIBU?

HE can put it on a repeat order at Amazon, why is this the wife's issue to solve.

I have the same with sugar, I don't use it, i don't check it, if it's running out and I'm off shopping, tell me. Or I dont buy it cos i dont know. As it happens DP sorts it out all by himself as a grown ass adult should.

There are plenty of things DH eats and I don't.
If he runs out he writes it on the shopping list on the fridge and if I am doing an Ocado or going to the supermarket I usually ask if he wants anything.
Its no effort at all and why wouldn't I?

We have a whiteboard and anything that’s running low is put on there. My kids (11 & 13) & husband know this. There’s things that I don’t use that they do and I don’t have time to check everything every week. Rule is, if it’s not on the board it doesn’t get bought!

She knows coffee is needed, so she would check how much is left, jusf as she would check if the squash, eggs, beans etc are running out.

For this reason we have a magnetic wipeable shopping list and if the things that individuals like to eat run out they need to add it on there. Then whoever is next at the supermarket picks them up and wipes it off the list.

All the people mentioning tampons, deodorant, women's items and so on, yes my husband would check if he was doing the shopping. It's a household item like any other. We're each independently capable of supporting our own household. He irons his own shirts too.

That's probably one of the reasons why I'd go over and above to be considerate of his needs - he doesn't take the piss and expect me to do everything/carry all the mental load.

How hard is it to ask the other person if they need anything? Doesn't need to be a sexist thing.
We have a chalkboard in the kitchen and whoever notices something is getting low writes it down.

We have a blackboard on the wall and everyone writes things that are running low on it, or when they use the last one from the cupboard, so whoever is doing the shopping knows what we need.

Works well with us..

I have a shopping list on the side to add to whenever I remember to add something, DH does the same, it's really simple.

Yes dh can pick some up if he knows he's running low but now you're both being awkward about it.

I find it sad that people of mumsnet live like this, constant battle of wills within the household rather than just communicating with each other.

But I carry the mental load of most things in our house, to remember to check whether we have coffee when I’m doing the shop might just tip me over the edge!
ffs the level of pettiness, I assume you check for whatever else is needed in the shop or do you only buy or check what you use?
Just add coffee to the bloody shop!!

The poll results are very reassuring, considering all the "You should do everything. He shouldn't have to think" responses..

Doesn't everyone just add what they want to the list?

Do people genuinely do this every few days before they shop? Go around every item in the kitchen/bathroom, looking in every packet and container in case someone has used it up?

This is a total eye-opener for me. I would lose probably at least 30 mins a week checking in every box in the cupboard, fridge, freezer, bathroom, utility room.

It takes approx 3 mins a week to write it on the list.

What are the benefits of the first system over the "remember to write it on the list" system?

She isn't refusing to buy it, just asking that he lets her know when she needs to buy it.

The procedure in our house is that the coffee-drinker/biscuit-eater/ketchup-user reaches the end of the packet, tin or bottle and make a mental note "need to buy some more of that". Then they either forgot and have a "ffs!" moment the next time they need it or they remember and bask in the satisfaction of a nice hot cup of coffee early in the morning.

Tbh, it had never occurred to me that my husband should be monitoring my coffee usage to make sure I don't run out. Though I'm the first to kick off if he's not pulling his weight, the poor man works very hard and has a lot on his plate so I'm happy to take responsibility for making sure I have what I need (as he does for himself). Neither of us are running a hotel!

Depends if there's a list to add things to?

Depends if there's a list to add things to?

Tea and sugar are not on my radar, I need to be told they are needed which I dont think is an unreasonable ask

Start one.

Life is easier with one.

It should go in the household shop but husband needs to tell you when he’s running low. Equally, DH is in the supermarket so could just pick some up if he’s missed the weekly order.

Don’t you check the cupboards to see what you are short on?
I do the shopping and don’t drink coffee either but I know what a nearly empty jar of coffee looks like.

YABU

Should be included in the weekly shop by wife.

Husband should either write it down or tell wife when he has run out.

I do the weekly shop in my house and my husband just lets me know when he needs coffee (I don't drink it) or shaving foam etc etc

@Flippingflamingo when i am doing the big shop, I ask him if he needs shaving gel, razors, deodorant etc. I also check daughters supplies and sons supplies! I dont just run out and get the food I prefer. other people have different preferences so their wants are met also!

Anybody that's wants anything added to the weekly shop in this house just writes it on the magnetic pad on the fridge. I look at the list when I do the order. It's easy.

DH should just let you know "can you add coffee to the shop this week?", or, just buy it himself.