To want to educate my child in state but provide the straw that make it like a private education?

[palegazelle]

Is that even possible? I don't think I quite have the money to send all my children private, but I do have some money that I'd like to use for extras like tutoring, music lessons, sports extra
-curriculars and the opportunity to spend some time with them myself on things that others might use a tutor for.

So how do I give my children as close to the advantages of private school as possible without actually sending them to private?

What is the difference that makes the difference and which parts of it can I replicate in the state system? How?

Probably UCL source will not be legitimate because....Daily Mail quoted it once.

Really? I have uni mates and many of them who went private school now vape as they are ex smokers...

Well a mum I know had a fit on finding her son and his pals all vaping they attend the poshest school possible that begins with M! So you are talking absolute nonsense Jane Doe!

UCL is probably a better read than Daily Fails interpretation. It is a longterm study of a group of young people born between 2000-2002, who are surveyed regularly.
The newspapers cherry pick the data to suit their narrative.

You did not read Daily Mail. It is just a high level info and the same research mentioned.

I am really surprised even that it is not obvious that it is all driven by money. The best clients for drug dealer are those who have money and not state kids who have hardly any pocket money

They are using it to get off cigarettes, I am talking about teens going on to vapes who have never smoked. Definitely seen as chavvy where I am

Well possibly, but all the privately schooled young 'ladies' at the riding school/stables where my DS hangs out most weekends would disagree!

@Janedoe82 Chavvy? Do you look down your nose at anyone 'below' you or who doesnt have money or the social means to attend a private school? Are the 93% of kids who don't attend a private school chavvy scum? Why don't you get out of your bubble and enter the real world. OP posted this as she can't afford it and is looking for advice. It is not a choice for the majority of the UK so slagging them off for circumstances beyond their means is absolutely useless and downright nasty.

Honestly countless “middle class” children off to RG universities and oxbridge with lovely friends interests and manners who have never been near a private school! Have confidence in yourself as parents and your own kids. You really don’t need to ape these schools to succeed in life - certainly not these days. They have excellent marketing departments I’ll give them that!

Riding schools are different- there is an inverse snobbery in them! On way now actually and yes smoking is very common!

Shame you don’t know anything about me/ I work in a square mile of the UK that at one stage had the highest crime rate and just this afternoon was discussing options to stop injecting cocaine. Believe me I don’t look down on anybody and am hugely aware of social inequalities and how different groups live and interact. I just don’t sugar coat it.

There is a huge amount of snobbery in relation to schooling and trying to compare even one of the less exclusive private schools, or even a grammar with your average state comprehensive is like comparing apples and oranges. There are pros and cons to both but they most definitely are not offering the same things.

No I don't know anything about anyone here except how they present themselves on MN. Yes we all know the ridiculous elitist school system that exists in the UK, and yes the massive class division that does exist. But you seem to think no one in private schools vape or does drugs. If you have worked in a high crime area then yes you will have seen the worst of it and probably the worst of state schools. Like you say there are also huge inequalities between very good state schools and bad ones but you don't acknowledge that many kids get an excellent state education and that can be achieved - so far you have just separated private and state in an elite vs chav argument with nothing in between. That between does exist. Perhaps you haven't seen that, which is more useful to OP's question. Yes it will never match a lot of the elements of PS, but they can definately have a great education and plenty go on to top universities.

Of course there are good state schools! I am not disputing that.
With regards to drugs and vaping- yes I know there are drugs and vapes in private schools but in my experience no where near on the scale of the secondary schools where I am in NI.

I think this might be one of the keys to what makes a difference that maybe I can't do much about just by adding extra curriculars and support at home.

For happy children I do want them to have good education and the ability to get good grades and go to great unis, which I know is possible in a state school, but there are the other things that aren't examinable.

Not having to deal with violent children.
Not having to deal with 30 kids in a class and all the extra disruption.

From reading through the responses this seems to be a major area that made a difference for kids going to private school.

I suppose it may be possible to achieve by moving further out to get to a smaller school. But then that might result in fewer opportunities for extra curricular activities. It's a dilemma.

@palegazelle 'Not having to deal with violent children'?
This isn't a perfect world where you will have only shiny fantastic people around you in life. We all have to compromise somewhere unless we are very wealthy, can afford private schools and never have to leave an area which is a perfect bubble of human existence. A friend of mine went to a very good school in an affluent area but was very badly bullied because of racism which still affects her today. I went to quite a rough state school and yes it was cr*p, I still went off to to a very good uni because my family pushed me, but my high school experience is why I moved to an area with outstanding state schools with great extra curricular activities. I chose the city life over a village life with a small school but few activities. My DC are very sporty, and I had to choose the curricular activities over small school. This was the most I could do within my circumstances - and this is what is key. Yes of course there are still disruptive children, there always will be, but as my DC are in top sets for most core subjects, as I did a lot of learning with them, you will find there is much less disruption there. I would absolutely love for them to go private but I can't afford it. Yes I know they won't be rubbing shoulders with affluent families, yes I know they might have to deal with different sections of society without the same principles, but in my circumstances I can't dwell on it. I have done the utmost to give them the best with what I am now capable of. For what it's worth I do get how you feel as I absolutely hate the elitist class schooling system in the UK, it is shocking compared to Europe, never seen anything like it.