To want to educate my child in state but provide the straw that make it like a private education?

[palegazelle]

Is that even possible? I don't think I quite have the money to send all my children private, but I do have some money that I'd like to use for extras like tutoring, music lessons, sports extra
-curriculars and the opportunity to spend some time with them myself on things that others might use a tutor for.

So how do I give my children as close to the advantages of private school as possible without actually sending them to private?

What is the difference that makes the difference and which parts of it can I replicate in the state system? How?

It might not be your reason but it is a benefit that cannot be replicated in state schools.

Our state secondary school has 2 open access points. They’re certainly not locked in all day!

@Muchtoomuchtodo Secure to outsiders doesn’t mean locking children in all day 😆😆

@HappyAsASandboy probably not legal then as you say, more best practice.

It's great if you can supplement your children's school education with the sort of enriching activities you mention - particularly music. The problem might be that many state schools won't be able to run orchestras or bands in the way that private schools can, and this is a tragedy. I think music is where money would be well-spent in state education - it has so many benefits across the board.

But I think it's an inescapable fact that the main advantage private schools have over state ones is that they don't have to put up with disruptive children in classes, or their families. To me, avoiding the awful waste of teachers' time and energy and the damage to other children's education which results from disruptive fellow students is the main reason I would have loved to send mine to private schools. I don't have any prinicipled opposition to private schools as some people do.

If state schools were able to easily exclude anti-social families and highly disruptive children, the whole of education in this country would be transformed and teaching would be a popular profession again. The prioritising of the doctrine of inclusivity at all costs is damaging so many children (and teachers!). Other, more suitable provision, needs to be made for those children who cannot cope with school - as it probably once was!

Same experience for me - and definitely my son.

I am quite concerned with how much the kids are mollycoddled. His private prep is like an overgrown nursery.

Our dc’s primary had fences all around and two locked gates. The kids definitely were locked in all day there.

@Muchtoomuchtodo primary is different to secondary though….

That exist in abundance in every state secondary around me. Add to it canoeing, hockey and many other sport activities. All clubs at schools and free

It isn’t just about what you learn at private schools it’s about the connections you make there. Getting an internship at your friends Dads business for example. Also it’s the social circle you move in which help bring you or keep you up. A friend of mine flunked out of university and does a fairly ordinary job now but still lives a middle class lifestyle because he met and married a woman who is now a consultant oncologist through his old private school chums. Even though he wasn’t earning a lot he fitted in with her friends and lifestyle and his less demanding work meant that he effectively became the wife and took care of the home and kids. However if he hadn’t been privately educated would he even have been hanging out with a bunch of medical students so he could meet her? Probably not.

Its even show in studies people hire those who are like themselves so being a smart capable self starter who went to state school isn’t enough often to beat those who fit in when going for jobs. Sure there will be the odd diversity hire but mostly the good opportunities are gatekept for the children of the middle classes, more now than ever.

And none of it gives a private school experience. Absolutely no level of cultural enrichment will make a difference as it is the connections that are made that count.

as it is the connections that are made that count.
What connections? Are you serious? You must be basing this assumption on the Eton legend. I have completed private education at a university level and I must admit I don't keep in touch with anybody from uni.

Cultivate posh friends with lots of high level work contacts. My DB has a (state) school friend who went to Oxbridge, made friends which one particularly well connected individual who is very well known in certain fields and gave work experience to the guy’s DC before they applied to Oxbridge.

Work experience that is intership program or apprenticeship can be organised for state kids too. I worked in the organisation that had always 1-2 interships on board. I don't recall that I was looking for a private school pupils in particular

As others have said, get then into a state school which provides some of the things that private does.
My daughters state primary - class of 20 with very experienced class teachers, specialist subjects like music, PE, languages, art taught by specialist teachers who are extra to the class tutors, which also gives some slack in the system so they never use supply teachers. Excellent facilities, a baseline of 2 TA's per class, with additional ones for children with SEN. Swimming Lessons for every child year 2 onwards, broad range of extra curricular clubs available, compete at county sports events to build confidence. Huge emphasis on oracy, excellent manners, confidence and sense of self worth. Good behaviour as head sets down very clear expectations of both children and families, excellent SEN provision so children are well supported and able to take breaks from classroom if needed. But has the benefit of being a very socially mixed intake. Pretty much every parent works, more than half I would say are in lower paid jobs - carer, TA, hairdresser, nursery nurse etc.
I honestly do not think I could find a private school which exceed their state school

I don’t keep in contact with many of my uni peers, other than those I work with. I do keep in touch with many of my school friends though and we support each other in various ways.

It's the class sizes, no more than 18 in a class max and the teachers know everything about all the kids and problems are nipped in the bud as soon as they arise.

I have 2 in state and 1 in private, you can't replicate it with tutors and sports clubs no matter how hard you try.

That is rare and not native to private schools alumni. The strength of friendship doesn't depends on private versus state. We make friends all live, not only at school

Often at private primaries the wrap-around care is included. So if you do maths and add the cost of breakfast clubs, afternoon clubs, swimming club, extracurricular sport and so on clubs it may be that private is a good solution as the bonus is less kids in each class.

But at the secondary school all depends on what are the state schools around and if you live inthe area with top performing state schools in UK, an average private may be not worth it

Agreed but the positions my peers are in are likely to be more influential and useful from an added value perspective. It’s not necessarily fair but the old adage of it’s not what you know but who you know still stands.

Are you saying that you achieved a lot in life through cryonism?😄

I wouldn’t say a lot but there have definitely been times when I have benefited from knowing certain people.

Well, I never did. And I accomplished everything I did through excellent education, two masters including MBA from a top US uni, and building my CV from the scratch. I have always got a job as a result of an interview in the companies where I knew nobody.

I would never wish my son was going to any school only because of a prospect of favouritism and cryonism in his future.

I wouldn’t try to replicate a private school, more provide what you think your child needs to grow up into a happy successful adult.

For me I want them to do well academically in order to get into a decent uni. However, if they get 6s-8s in their GCSEs, instead of 7s-9s in private, with less support, i will be very happy. I don’t see optimising GCSE grades as that beneficial long term. I am lucky enough to also be able to help them in most subjects up to GCSEs.

I want them to have hobbies and a variety of friends from different backgrounds. They are both members of a gym and one is pretty successful at a sport. The other has an artsy hobby that he really enjoys and gets lots of friends from.

I also want them to be able and confident to talk to anyone, no matter what background and to have a good general knowledge. Just eating with them and debating with them helps them achieve that.

Whether they have the ‘gloss’ of a private school education is debatable, but they can easily pick that up later should they want to.

But I think it is important to decide what you want for your children, not replicate something which is, at least in part, very superficial.

I agree, both of mine are at state schools but although they have awesome activities I still don’t think it replicates the private classroom experience