To want to educate my child in state but provide the straw that make it like a private education?

[palegazelle]

Is that even possible? I don't think I quite have the money to send all my children private, but I do have some money that I'd like to use for extras like tutoring, music lessons, sports extra
-curriculars and the opportunity to spend some time with them myself on things that others might use a tutor for.

So how do I give my children as close to the advantages of private school as possible without actually sending them to private?

What is the difference that makes the difference and which parts of it can I replicate in the state system? How?

Read this thread www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5160079-possible-to-emulate-a-private-school-education?page=3&reply=138121394

Why do you think that loads of state kids don’t do all the things you’ve mentioned. They do. The things that make private different are class sizes, facilities, quality of sports coaching (perhaps)

@BananaSpanner I'm sure some of them do, and I want to know what it is they're doing and if it worked.
@Muchtoomuchtodo thanks that's really helpful!

"some money that I'd like to use for extras like tutoring, music lessons, sports extra
-curriculars and the opportunity to spend some time with them myself on things that others might use a tutor for"

This is an easier question to answer than the one about private education.
Maybe look what home educating families do. Some of that is probably easier to achieve your list above with kids in state school than mirroring a private education is.

If your child is interested in languages let them do some language lessons. Or show them duo lingo. Or find their favourite book in that language. Or watch shows with the subtitles on
If they're interested in music, get them an instrument. Let them wake up one day to discover a piano/ocarina/drum kit has appeared in the kitchen along with a few resources. Let them play, no pressure. It might lead to lessons, or their interest may stop at having a bit tinker. (This approach is called strewing)

Arrange things that you think they will enjoy. Cinema, theatre, music performances, visit cities, visit the home town of their favourite author or character. Think about what you'd show a visitor to your area - that's how we discovered some new places on our doorstep we hadn't tried. Learn about local history. Take them to galleries. Play "which of these pictures would you put in our living room?"

Forget about activities having a certain outcome. Eg connections, grades, qualifications years in the future. Do things for fun....

Talk to people. Show your child that you're interested in the world. Talk about the things you're curious about.

Read Michael Rosen's Book of Good Ideas....

Confidence.

Get them some really expensive hobbies to ensure they are socially exclusive - thats really all you guarantee with a private education. You have the wrong aim - you should be trying to get your kids the best possible education which suits their interests and personality - not copy a particular school system because you have decided its best.

You can’t.

The kind of confidence a private school pupil has (that you’d like your child to have) comes from being sent to that school and knowing that they were ALWAYS going to be in that school, or one like it. Never in the state system.

You can never get what private offers in the state system, the major reason people go private (no matter what they say): connections.

state school kids aren’t all deprived kids that do the bare minimum. Plenty of them have lots of hobbies, music lessons, tutoring.

but they A - won’t be mixing with/making friends with the kids from deprived families

B - will have a lot more one to one attention from their teacher

I also feel like they get a lot more of a tailored education, my friends son gets so many opportunities and has explored what works for him and is thriving since going to a private school

You can’t. It’s confidence and social connections.
next best is to tutor like mad and get them into a grammar.

I will give an example of how I know you can’t replicate- one of my children has recently moved to a grammar from a prep school. Within a week of being there she had formed a friendship group with kids who pretty much exclusively also had been at prep schools. They naturally gravitated to each other. I don’t know why or what you do about that but that cliquey ness is part and parcel of a private education. Some new children have been allowed to join their little group but only as on same sports team.

So how do I give my children as close to the advantages of private school as possible without actually sending them to private?

Send them to excellent state schools.

Lots of state kids get to do dozens of extracurriculars and extra tutoring. Doesn't make it anything like the private experience where they (a) get small classes with no time wasted on crowd-control so all the teaching is fitted into the school day, no need for extra time on tuition and each subject has a single teacher rather than the kid having to juggle what they are taught in class and what by their tutor (b) they get their extracurriculars on-site in lunch breaks and immediately after school so massive time saving compared to having to travel to extracurriculars at different venues in later evenings & weekends. A lot of teens would then be too exhausted to put decent time into homework because of all the extra commitments.

Not criticising if this is what you can manage and if your child has the energy for such extended days it's just unrealistic to think it's like a private education.

@TitusMoan
I really don’t think children who go to private school are more confident because they know they are at a private school. That imputes some very adult concepts around class, money etc. onto children who generally won’t even know that their parents pay for their school at least to start with. And it’s unhelpful because it suggests that confidence is some elusive quality that only private schools pupils can have.

Private schools are usually very intentional about creating confidence in their pupils. E.g every child having to speak to the whole school in assemblies from a young age, children greeting parents and giving tours of the school etc for visitors, almost every lesson children will have to stand up and speak to the class etc, every child having to be in a school performance, specifically teaching and enforcing manners etc. I think competence also builds confidence and a good private school will try to make sure every child is competent at something.

Many state schools will also do these things. They’re not expensive or particularly difficult to do. Just the private sector generally seems to put more emphasis on them.

Also there is nuance, not every private school is Eton & some states have tiny catchment areas where you need 1m plus for a house.

@KickAssDrinkMilk You seem to be suggesting "they A - won’t be mixing with/making friends with the kids from deprived families" is a good reason for sending to private school?

Sadly you can never emulate private school outside private school. The staff to pupil ratio, the individual attention and encouragement each child gets, the astonishing array of extra-curriculars - private is about this, not idiotic outdated notions of ‘connections’.

But you can choose a great state school and enrich your child by enabling them to take up hobbies/ travel/ go to the theatre asap.

You can through some state grammars. Some even offer boarding.

Close as possible to private without the costs.

For some it is seen as a good reason sadly. Parents don’t want any avoidable distractions to learning and kids from deprived backgrounds often have other issues/ more like to risk take. And I say that as someone who works with deprived families.

People don't privately educate their dc solely because they think it's a superior education! It's to 'mingle' and create 'networks' within the more wealthier spheres of society.

And the sense of 'superiority' ingrained within it.

LAMBDA Speech and Drama Classes.

@palegazelle so mine do the vast majority of their extracurriculars at school either before or after & some lunch clubs. They have done tennis, tag rugby, cricket, hockey, gymnastics, ballet, art, coding, cheerleading, debate, chess, quiz plus many others over the years. I encouraged them to try a lot of different things before they narrowed down what they prefer & then we could top up externally if they wanted to do more. They have done LAMDA & do music lessons/orchestra through school. I started tutoring for the eldest in yr 5 & will do similar with the younger ones although may start one in yr 4.

You can’t emulate a 1 to 6 teaching ratio when you have a 1 to 30 teaching ratio (that’s the difference between my local state and private primaries). The private school has small class sizes with a teacher plus a TA.

I have worked in state and private schools.

Pay for tutoring to help them get better GCSEs. Send them to extra-curricular clubs that interest them, art, tennis etc.

Most importantly support and encourage them at home with their education.

Many children do very well in state schools. Private schools aren't the holy grail, some are pretty poor.

My DD moved to private at year 7. I don't think she will ever gain the confidence that the kids who went to prep school have. Though I didn't gain that from all through private school either. Admittedly, DD seems to think that many of the children who went to private all through are entirely unaware of their privilege, which isn't a great outcome.

I don't think you can really emulate some of the differences we are seeing between DD's school and the local comp her friends have gone to. They are things like having subject specific cover for teacher absences a lot of the time. One of DD's teachers was off sick for most of a term and was covered by two teachers from that department. In contrast her friends haven't had an MFL teacher for most of last year and that language has been dropped for some year groups due to teacher shortages.

DD is also not seeing the significant behavioural challenges and persistent disruptive behaviour in lessons that her friends have at their school.

I think so much depends on the individual schools you are choosing between. For us, we could tinker around the edges, but couldn't come anywhere near the same experience as her independent school.