To want to educate my child in state but provide the straw that make it like a private education?

[palegazelle]

Is that even possible? I don't think I quite have the money to send all my children private, but I do have some money that I'd like to use for extras like tutoring, music lessons, sports extra
-curriculars and the opportunity to spend some time with them myself on things that others might use a tutor for.

So how do I give my children as close to the advantages of private school as possible without actually sending them to private?

What is the difference that makes the difference and which parts of it can I replicate in the state system? How?

The state schools my DC went to were excellent and had loads of extra curricular activities

Ooops haven't finished and wasn't actually going to post

Disagree....both DD's privately educated from senior (youngest year 5), no connections, zero, South Coast, best decision

Mine were all state educated. 3 in senior management roles, 1 disabled tho has degree and excellent academically.
Grandkids also thriving in State educated.

But I've started so I'll finish

Their primary school was fantastic and gave them all so much confidence and had teachers who were very involved in extra curricular activities and stressed a lot of importance on music and drama

Parents often went in to help when they could and that made a difference too

Lovely summer fetes where parents volunteered that kind of thing

It was delightful actually. The perfect primary school really

I think once the head and some amazing teachers left who'd been there years so were great at establishing boundaries and behaviour from reception it wasn't quite as good

When I look at the adults around me, I don't think that I want my children to have the equivalent of a private education. I want them to grow up like the adults I know who went to excellent comprehensive schools with very involved parents who put time and effort into supporting their children's interests and education and general well-being. That is the background shared by the people I know who seem to best combine happiness with career success.

It’s literally just an observation on my behalf, although some people will reason that as a positive

mine go to state

there is however a certain demographic that make it difficult for the other families - the kids of the parents who don’t give a shit, deprived or not

Where we live though everyone is out and about with their small DC in parks and taking advantage of free events going on

I took mine to weekly swimming lessons and DD did gymnastics for a bit, ballet for a bit, DS did football and rugby for a bit

All cheap nothing too expensive

DD did drama for a bit which was not so cheap so was gifted lessons from DGP

They stopped all these by year 8 ish

DD did netball and football after school and DS did various non sporty activities after school

They were lucky to have choices

Both DD and DS have friends from millionaire families and families from council estates

No one cares no one judges they're all just friends

The ones who judge don't have as many friends

The private school DC who ended up at the state 6th form can be arseholes but some of them get over themselves

I've got one kid who according to this thread has the "private from state" experience and one that doesn't. The one that does has lessons in 3 instruments and plays on the local hockey team. The other one plays no instruments and one individual sport (although did have a heck of a Duolingo streak at one point, I don't think that replicates a private education)
We don't live in a grammar area or a city. Cities tend to have differences in schooling, in our borough there isn't a lot to choose between them. I never intended to allow 3 instruments but I don't have to nag to practice so I allowed a second one, and last week a third. The difference maker is the orchestral / band instruments. The same outcome can come from drama / dance / team sports but I think there is something to be gained from being part of a group where your performance and competence makes a difference. OTOH my other kid hates that pressure and wouldn't thrive with it.

I would ask yourself how you best support your DC’s ability, interests and aspirations rather than ‘how to dupe private education’

Support their school education. Support their interests and enthusiasms. Extend their cultural experiences: theatre, galleries, historical sites. Find things as a family that are new to all of you, discuss how you find it. Travel as much as is possible. Plenty to see in the UK, aim for contrasts, marshlands and mountains, the best of the Industrial Revolution and also rural / fishing areas. Let them discover how things work, in society, nature, and work.

Enjoy it!

God how many more of these threads! It’s quite sad. You don’t need to do this. The vast majority of people go to state schools and many state educated people get top results and go onto have good careers. You don’t need to ape private schools to achieve this.

And a vast amount of children who go to state schools have hobbies, play instruments, excel at sports and do extracurriculars? It’s not unique, all state kids aren’t going home and doing nothing

What do you mean by ‘worked’? … Good exam results? Onto uni at Oxbridge? A well-paying career? If they’re happy?

Surely the last on that list should be the ultimate one your looking for.

My kids are in state. Class size of 18, music lessons, specialist sports tutoring, 100% of children at the school for 3yrs minimum meet expected standards. They absolutely adore school and are happiest when there.

Bit drastic maybe but is moving an option - if there's nothing locally? There are some excellent state schools out there - grammar schools etc. Kent has some great choices, I don't know other areas so well but I'm sure all counties will offer some good options.

The main difference isn't the quality of the teaching, it is the class sizes. You can get through a lot more of the curriculum when you have 12 in a class compared to 30+. Just asking the kids if they had a good weekend takes twice as long. A teacher marking 30 books will be more tired than a teacher marking 12 and the differences in energy levels and enthusiasm increases as the term goes on. I think if you want your kids to do well, invest in what they are good at and what they enjoy. Build their confidence. Talk about career options. I think a confident child with middling grades will go a lot further than a child with great grades and no clue what to do with them.

We don’t send our DC private for the potential grades and jobs. I don’t know anybody that does. We send our DC private because of the pastoral care and environment.

We tried our local outstanding state pre school and lasted eight weeks before removing our DC. The teachers were lovely and tried hard but spent massive amounts of time focused on a few students who were disruptive and continuously hurting other children.

The difference in the pre prep we moved to was stark. There is a ratio of 1:5. They really focus on children’s wellbeing over all else, learning is personalised to what suits each individual, there is no disruption to lessons, the additional resources really engage the children and the pupils seem to stay children for a lot longer.

My DS who goes to a very good state is very outgoing and confident, he is also very bright academically. My point is that you can raise a child to be an all rounder, bright, intelligent, confident and yes - 'cool'. (We aren't in grammar area and can't afford private). I invested a lot in extra curricular activities from a young age (sports, drama, cubs, chess club) plus I read with him a lot and take him to museums, outings etc. He goes to a sports club where a few times a couple of boys who go private have been. My DS always got on great with them as he can converse in lots of things. But importantly, he can adapt to anyone because he has been involved in so many different things. He also sticks with a good bunch of friends at the end of the day. Not all academic but a mixture and they balance out well. He is the type that needs both of that. He can hang out and converse with the 'disruptive' kids from state schools (as some like to label them). There is a group of boys at school who are difficult but DS through sport and activities has gained a mutual understanding with them as he knows how to talk with them. But he isn't influenced because he has good grounding. He is great at sports and gains alot of respect for this. The PS boys on the other hand, at the sports club, I've noticed cannot talk with everyone this way and when certain boys came in (perhaps ones that some may also call 'disruptive') they would clam up, as they didn't know how to be with them. They are only confident within their circles or people like them. Admittedly this may be all they will be surrounded with when they're older but I'd much rather my DS was someone who can handle all sorts. It will do him so much better later on in life.

Dd2 friendship group is mixed state and private and there is ZERO difference between the teens. So I’m not sold on the fact it’s the school that instills the “confidence and manners” thing it’s the parents - and to some extent the child’s innate personality.

I really don’t think children who go to private school are more confident because they know they are at a private school

I disagree. They know they're privileged and are being given a head start over other children. Our local, very expensive private school (3-18) is built on a vantage point from where it literally looks down on the whole town. Spending your formative years physically, socially, educationally elevated above others can't fail to convey a sense of superiority.

This was sort of my experience of the school I went to and I can assure you from what I’ve heard most people who felt like that were given a rude awakening once they entered the real world of employment 😂. It’s certainly not an advantage IMO and something I’ll try to avoid for my own kids.

I don’t agree with the connections thing, perhaps if you go to Eton or Cheltenham Ladies etc. but from my regular private school I know a normal cross section of people, same as my husband who went to a bog standard comprehensive.

The “enforced public speaking” thing is also bullshit in my experience, of course there was an option to public speak but it certainly wasn’t forced, rightly so IMO as it would be cruel to force that on a more nervous child. The smaller ratios are good but some schools are certainly very “results geared” and there was a lot of spoon feeding going on which meant some of my peers struggled a lot with uni and ended up dropping out.

On the fence about sending my own kids to be honest, probably leaning toward the really good local state school at the moment, but then we live in a nice area and I suspect I’d feel differently if this wasn’t the case.

Is there any time in that for them to allowed to just be children or is their whole life excpeted to be timetabled?

Totally agree

That is simply not true of every independent school. Likely of Eton, Harrow and Winchester, but absolutely not of most.

My child goes to an independent school but it’s a special needs school, and whilst they recognise and stretch his academic abilities it isn’t as much as if he were at a mainstream independent, so I do try to supplement this at home.

for me it’s about giving him a wide breadth of experiences. I want him to be able to do whatever he wants in life, but when it gets to that stage it would be nice for him to have some foundations in whatever he chooses. So I teach him piano and guitar, he does the Arts Awards at home, I read him classic children’s literature and I encourage him to read a wide range of books. We do some community volunteering work together (fundraising etc). Every night we do half an hour of learning (in lieu of homework) which will be working on his handwriting, spellings, times tables etc. He attends a chess club, Beavers, and a bouldering club where he’s working towards his NICAS level 2. He’ll be moving up to Cubs soon and when he does, he is going to be ‘helping out’ at Beavers until Cubs starts (I’m a leader so he needs to be there anyway and has been given the choice between helping out or reading/puzzles in the kitchen room).

I don’t think this is particularly more than what other parents do, he’s an only child so I’m able to give him a bit more 1-1 attention but don’t expect I do more than others. It’s just about being intentional about it.