To want to educate my child in state but provide the straw that make it like a private education?

[palegazelle]

Is that even possible? I don't think I quite have the money to send all my children private, but I do have some money that I'd like to use for extras like tutoring, music lessons, sports extra
-curriculars and the opportunity to spend some time with them myself on things that others might use a tutor for.

So how do I give my children as close to the advantages of private school as possible without actually sending them to private?

What is the difference that makes the difference and which parts of it can I replicate in the state system? How?

Might be true in a few top private schools, but not for the vast majority. They're kids, they're making friends, not connecting on linkedin ffs

Naah, apart from spending over a decade in marketing departments of two private schools. ,👈😀

OP, spend your money buying a home in catchment for the best state school you can.

Naah, apart from spending over a decade in marketing departments of two private schools

Why did you work in private schools for so long when you seem to think so little of the pupils and their parents?

@Ozanj

The goal is fluent enough to visit france and communicate 100% in French by year 5.

I would love that but simply it is not true. Children in Y5 don't speak even at B1 level at private schools. It is more of a A1, and if they lucky A2 level.
The exception to the rule are the schools like Ecole Jeannine Manuel, EIFA International, Stewart Bilingual, French Lycee Winston Churchill and Charles de Gaulle in London. The rest really are not schools that prioritise French. That is why my son has private tutoring on the top of what is in the school.

Teaching hard work and independent thinking.

All roundedness. Volunteering, extra curricular, sports, debate, music etc.

Tutoring.

If connections you are worried about then go private for sixth form.

Study schools for subjects they struggle in. I went private and I went to a study school for GCSE maths. It was 5 days over the Easter or Summer holidays.

It is your impression that I think little of parents. They go in various kind and shapes. Some were laughing stock, some very nice and cooperative. And I tend not to judge kids. Kids are kids. Reflection of parents and not only.

I wouldn’t say that my privately educated DS oozes confidence but he has learned to go beyond his comfort zone. He is able to stand up and do a presentation in front of a group of people because he has been doing it since reception. He’s now nearly 20 and starts uni at the end of the month, he’s been working in the construction industry, labouring over the last 12 mnths, I suspect this has done as much for his confidence as school but in a different way.
The one thing I have noticed is the manners. We have always taught him the usual stuff but he greets friends and new acquaintances with a handshake and eye contact, holds doors open, opens car doors for women. Walks on the outside of girls. All gradually assimilated at school. I don’t think they are given a long list, more likely they are constantly corrected in a kind way so that it becomes normal.
The connections start before they leave school and continue forever for most with very strong alumni associations.
Pretty much all his year are at uni so it’s no surprise that he knows several in the city he is going to. He has already planned his birthday celebration which is on the day he arrives.

I wouldn’t say that it gives them the academic edge but DS’s school was academically selective and their work rate was accelerated, most pupils joining from the state sector at sixth form struggle to keep up initially. Parents often comment on how hard they work, but for those who have been in the system it is business as usual.

Sport and team work is another area they excel in. Learning to work well in a team is a valuable life skill. I would encourage anyone in state to take their children to organised sport.

Well that’s bullshit. No offence.
drug dealers aren’t ’hanging around’ any school. Private or state, due to the fact that mobile phones have been invented and they deliver, particularly to people who can pay £££ at a time.
Kids get offered by other kids.
Not every kid using drugs suddenly dropout school and ends up in the street either, just as kids who drink at parties don’t become raving alkies.
Independent research has shown,
time and time again, that private school kids take more drugs and start drinking at a younger age than state school children.
Money, a sense of entitlement ( rules don’t apply to them or mummy and daddy will ‘deal’ with any trouble they get in), and lack of parental involvement are all factors.

I know that private school users don’t like to hear this, why on earth would they when they’re shelling out a fortune to buy advantages.

Sport and team work is another area they excel in.
Every year in June the local councils run a Sports Day for all age group. The top of the top selected from each state ans private schools come to that event.
I was pretty shocked that private school pupils were not better than state kids. And I thought perhaps naively that if private schools have sport scholarships then they will secure winners in council competitions.
Not really...

Show me this evidence that private school kids are taking more drugs?

Come on, Google it....

My local private schools have lessons on Saturdays, which is when my state-school educated children have orchestra and sports matches, so the private schools have to provide those opportunities in-house.

DD is doing A-levels in the local sixth form college. She would be there even if she started off in an independent school, as the college is the best in region for what she is studying. There are several pupils from independent school backgrounds on her course.

I am fortunate in that all of my local state schools are excellent - DD tells me that the comprehensive she attended before sixth form was not typical compared to those attended by her peers from the wider area. But the state primary school that my children went to is about as close to my idea of a perfect school as is realistically achievable, and there is no way that I would have chosen a private alternative. So there is only a 5 year period out of 15 years of DD's education where an independent school would have been anything other than second best.

It’s not coke it’s ket and mdma. And it’s at parties. Attended by teens from - shock - all sorts of school. You just have to hope it’s not your child’s thing.

That was the difference I experienced. It wasn't connections or better teaching or better resources. That was my point.. In one we were treated as potential wrong'uns not to be trusted in the school building when it's pissing down outside and in the other we weren't. I had a nice, warm dry home too but would have still preferred that for my school environment too!

One is from Alastair Campbell and one Daily Mail. Bound to be right.

It is more about the research they are referring to

Sorry my darling, I’m not your fecking PA! Get someone else to do an Executive summary for you…

Plenty of journal citations but if you choose Daily Fail
as your news source that’s your call…

They may not be better but they have more opportunity to try a wide variety of sports, to compete in those sports. DS was average at rugby but was able to play and train 3-4 days a week at school in addition to one night with his club outside of school. They learn to enjoy the game and play for fun. They would all love to play at a high level but are fiercely competitive at 2nd or 3rd level representing their school.
The list of sports they can have a go at it huge and if they enjoy it they tend to continue it out of school.
DS has played cricket since the age of six. He joined an adult team at 13/14 because it was more fun than the U14 team at our local club and at school. He still turns out most Saturdays for them although not so much this year because he is recovering from surgery. But he will be back to full fitness next year and will play during his summer break.
Being able to play at a reasonable standard means he can slot into a team.

Drugs are available to every child in the country if they have a mobile phone. A popular place to meet your dealer is the local drive throughs. Local teens use the car parks to meet up with dealers. They are not out of place because so many, once driving hang out in car parks. If you want to observe the behaviour, just pop along to your local MacDonalds and watch.
They will also deliver to parties and pretty much anywhere.
Most of the drugs supplied to my DS’s year were, allegedly via an ex pupil who had moved to the local sixth form. He discovered a wider network once he left the private school.
We have a massive problem with county lines in our city. It’s rapidly spreading out to the rural schools.
Anyone who thinks that it isn’t happening in their school is very naive.
DS has tried drugs ( weed and edibles) he has told me about his experience. He wasn’t particularly impressed so has not got into regular use. He was spiked 18mnths ago, which really spooked him. He realised how it put him at risk of serious injury so hasn’t voluntarily used any drugs like ket or MDNA intentionally. He’s happy with alcohol and since he hates being sick, has a stop button. Unlike a number of his friends who happily throw up and continue to drink.
I think you are very lucky if your teens make it through to their 20s without being tempted by drugs. And yes I have plenty of friends who are blissfully unaware of their teens habits.

The main UK study on this only looked at 269 children from private school and I can’t see any information about how many of those were taking drugs as a raw number so very hard to draw meaningful conclusions. I think it’s plausible that there’s more experimentation amongst private school students (though that wasn’t my own experience) but I don’t think that study is particularly helpful either way. There’s another US study but that obviously relates to US private schools.

But you have to be careful with these kind of stats anyway I.e is going to a private school causative of a child taking drugs / abusing alcohol or is it having access to money or parents who work long hours which makes the difference, for example. You would need to have a control group of children from affluent backgrounds in state schools and see how likely it is that they take drugs compared to those at private schools.

Dd nearly 16 has been open with me about this recently. it’s not linked to your school as Angry says it depends which social set your teen is in and their nature. Dd socialises largely with private school kids though lots of state too - it’s pretty mixed here your school isn’t really relevant.

Anecdotally the girls she knows who have got heavily into drugs were at private school one is in a rehab type place now.The issues with the girls at state seem to be more related to chaotic backgrounds/ shoplifting etc. Parenting teens certainly keeps you on your toes!

I would rather try and know some stuff then be head in the sand “not at my child’s school” approach.

https://www.ucl.ac.uk/news/2021/feb/10-teenagers-have-tried-hard-drugs-age-17#:~:text=Almost%20a%20third%20of%2017,new%20study%20by%20UCL%20researchers.
recent study looking at drug and alcohol use in a group of 20000 Gen Z individuals who have been studied since birth.
Type of school is not recorded but parents education is.
Most interesting finding is the significance of ethnicity. If you are white you are more likely to have tried drugs and alcohol by 17.

Did she chose Daily Mail? Can you see the difference in who quoted what? Do you know who you responding to?
I did. Not BlouseyBiggal.
The choice of sources limitless if you are predjuced to some. Daily Mail did not do any research, as many sources just quoted it. Yes, I know it is to hard to understand