To ask would you ever ask or have you asked your adult children to move out or would you be happy for them to stay at home forever?

[donedown]

Just that really.

Do you expect that with the housing market as it is that they will just stay at home for a significant amount of time? Is this something you are happy with?
Would there be a cut off point or age you would ask them to move out if they where still at home and they could afford to rent and obviously had not found a partner or had a family?

I love my children dearly but the transition from teens to adults has been challenging with one of them and I cannot imagine being 60 and wanting some space and peace to relax and still living with them!

We moved to ensure enough room for our kids to stay as adults should they need to. I am however raising them to be self sufficient and will encourage them to get their own place when they can. They are always welcome home whenever, but better for them if they 'launch'.

Are you truly independent if you can't afford to support yourself without a housemate or partner either?

Surely one could then say the definition of true independence is to be able to be completely self sufficient and be able to afford to live alone without the need for anyone else.

No, if you can't subsist without someone else, you're not independent.

I think being self sufficient is exactly what independent means...

What do you think it means?

I was asking because some on this thread seem to think it's more independent to live in a house share than with parents.

If your housemate moves out, you can get another housemate, it is a bit different to living with your parents no?

With the exception of additional needs, adult children should and must move out. They are only living a half-life, if they don't. Doesn't matter if they can't afford to buy - a rented room is better than still hanging out with mummy and daddy. We'd have been mortified to have still lived with our parents past 21.
Plus, the parents need a life without these extra adults!

In that case there are very few truly "independent" people because the majority of people live with their partner and base the mortgage and living costs on 2 salaries.

I completely disagree, a rented room is awful!

I don't see how if we're purely talking about independence. Either way you are relying on someone else to assist with housing costs.

Well yes and no. We live in a house neither of us could afford without the other but if we divorced, we both still earn enough to be able to get a mortgage on a property for ourselves and our children. I think that classes as independent even though we would need to move

That's fair then, in pricier areas a lot of people couldn't though.

Which is fine but they are not then independent

How are you defining independence? If being self sufficient isn't it.

ive told mine I want them out by 25, we’re about 10 years off that and I’ll be flexible, but I would like them to leave at some point.

I’m happy for mine to stay as long as they need to until they can afford to spread their wings. They both have ambitions of earning and buying their own homes so I don't expect they will be here forever. I actually bought my first home aged 19 and my brother left home at 17 to do an apprenticeship which was a long way from home. I actually ended up moving back in with my parents aged 22 when my relationship failed and spent a further 3 years there until I was in a position to buy another home.
i would always welcome them back if they needed somewhere to stay

Making the switch from being parents living with dependent minor children to living in a house share with your adult children (especially if you have more than one of them) is really quite challenging for everyone even if you've brought your children up well.

Mine are all well housetrained and competent and everyone has "jobs" and responsibilities they do relatively reliably but things like putting their washing on and then going out (so the machine is blocked for use by anyone else unless you either hang it out for them or dump it wet in their room on principle...), being out whenever it's their turn to take the bins out or empty the dishwasher, eating almost all of an ingredient and leaving just a bit but not enough to cook for several people, not clearing up completely after cooking and then being asleep or out so someone else has to do it or leave it for 8+ hours on principle...start to grate and make it hard to keep away from slipping back to the parent -young teen dynamic!

Essentially it is just like living in a house share! Living in a house share, even with your favourite people in the whole world who on balance mostly try not to be slobs and to follow house rules, isn't for everyone in middle age!

I'm not disagreeing with you, I'm just pointing out that by definition not a lot of people can then say they are truly independent, even if they don't live with parents. I myself wouldn't even say I am currently.

We don't have the space for them all to stay indefinitely... I expect them to move out quite promptly in search of their own spaces/lives and I'm more than happy with that

A rented room at 25 is better than living with your parents, but a rented room at 40 because price rises mean that the deposit for a house is always tantalizingly just out of reach might not be better than having lived rent-free with your parents for a couple of years while you put the rent money into a savings account that enabled you to buy a small but secure place of your own.

In that case there are very few truly "independent" people because the majority of people live with their partner and base the mortgage and living costs on 2 salaries.

Or they claim benefits, which also isn't being truly independent really. Still they look down on someone living with parents and not claiming anything. 🙄

@Badbadbunny

Some of his local teenage friends are back living at home, despite graduating, doing work in pubs and retail but that's false economy - they can't afford their own homes because they're on minimum wage. But "chose" not to move away for better paid careers because they didn't want to pay their own living costs. Sadly, some appear destined for a life on minimum wage as better jobs are few and far between in the run down regions.

It's not always about not wanting to pay their own living costs though - some people prefer to stay within their local area because that's where their friends and family are.

I get what you mean about only lower paid jobs being available in some areas, but equally housing costs tend to be cheaper in those places so sometimes one's quality of life can be similar - just on a cheaper scale .

I completely disagree, a rented room is awful!

This.

I've done it as my parents were abusive. Renting a room was not fun and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. If my kids want to do it, that's fine, but they'll never be forced to.

The problem is, there's no guarantee that "living rent free for a couple of years" will enable you to buy a house - so what then? Are parents expected to house their children until 30? 35? 40? Indefinitely?

I think there's a middle ground between kicking children out the minute they turn eighteen, and having your adult offspring still living at home at 30 because they "need to save for a deposit".

Independence is surely doing it yourself and having the ability to do it yourself.

The people on here giving their children substantial house deposits how are their children more independent than a child who has to stay at home to save their own deposit?

What about the ones who are paying their children's rent or rental deposit, they aren't living independently either.

And I'm curious to know just exactly how many people on here are living with a partner they can't afford to leave because costs are to high?

Yet we expect our children to be completely non reliant on us, independent and to never need us?

I'd feel like I'd failed as a parent if they didn't want to move out.

Mine, also age 10ish, insisted on staying at home forever, but then added I can come and visit whenever I want. So it seems it’s me that’s moving out…