To ask would you ever ask or have you asked your adult children to move out or would you be happy for them to stay at home forever?

[donedown]

Just that really.

Do you expect that with the housing market as it is that they will just stay at home for a significant amount of time? Is this something you are happy with?
Would there be a cut off point or age you would ask them to move out if they where still at home and they could afford to rent and obviously had not found a partner or had a family?

I love my children dearly but the transition from teens to adults has been challenging with one of them and I cannot imagine being 60 and wanting some space and peace to relax and still living with them!

Welcome as long as he likes. Rentals as an example around here are ridiculous. All the agents require you to be earning 4 times in salary what the yearly rent. There's a 3 bed house for rent on our road which £2,000 a month and a studio flat for £1100 a month so they want a salary of nearly £50,000 for the studio

House prices are ridiculous too

I've never understand asking your child to leave at 18 or 21. We were never asked to leave home and we all left once we had started working and saved and this was when I could rent a two bed flat for £500 a month or £300 a month for a house share which I also did.

DS cam stay till he has saved and we've even considered the possibility of extending the house to create enough space for DS to have.

There's a lot to be said for multigenerational living but a lot on here would consider it a failure in life

Assuming my dc grows up to be a nice person, I actually love the idea of multi generational living. I love going on holidays with loads of extended family too.

But only if they wanted the same. If they wanted to move out but couldn't I'd feel sad for them.

I am assuming they will do the same as me and go off to uni and then get a room in a house share wherever they find a job. I will miss them.

I’m 60.It’s circumstantial, but I have got all three at home now. no sign of that changing. I was an ‘older mum’ though.

I am more critical of grown women who criticise others for their choices, without any apparent emotional intelligence as to why someone might be happy if their kids want to stay living with parents for longer, forever, than kids who don't move out. Can't move out. Don't want to move out.

It’s all well and good thinking this but there is a serious housing crisis where I live and even professional couples cannot find housing . Never mind students or young people starting out their careers. My child is only 4 so he won’t be moving out any time said but I hate to think what the housing situation will be when he is an adult.

There's a lot to be said for multigenerational living but a lot on here would consider it a failure in life

You read so many people on here struggling with bills and to provide for their children, yet I've seen those same people judging people in their 20s/30s living at home. It's hardly success to move out and struggle yet many of those people judge others for staying at home a bit longer to make life easier. I'd see them as more of a failure to move out too early and not cope well financially. It's hardly good decision making. That's providing you had the choice, as I said earlier, I had to move out young and had a difficult few years managing at uni and getting established financially. I'd never want my kids to go through that.

I'm sure at least 2 of my 3 will choose to move out but they are sensible and will do it when they are financially well off to have a nice lifestyle.

I would be happy for them to stay forever. However if they want to have a partner move in, they will need to move into our annex. We are lucky to have this option

My eldest is an autistic adult and I expect him to always live at home, or at the furthest perhaps in house on our street, he'd need daily support.

My younger dcs I expect they'd move out eventually, but I could see them wanting to live here through uni and grad jobs, as we're in a good central London location. Most young adults in London end up in house shares, usually in a worse location than where we are, so it makes little sense for them to live elsewhere, except perhaps for the social aspect. I'm not sure I'd ever insist on them moving out but then I just expect that they'd want to.

My children will always be welcome, my eldest is almost 21 and at Uni, I expect him to finish Uni in 2026 and come home for a bit whilst getting himself sorted out. He's fortunate though that he's already sorted a good chunk for a deposit, and is likely to be gifted a fair amount of money fairly soon.

The same will apply for DS2, but I wouldn't be sure he'll go to Uni, and he has some learning issues that may mean he stays at home for a bit longer.

I certainly would never make either of them feel unwelcome. I ended up going home for a short while having moved out. My parents were great for taking me back, but made it awkward (made it clear they weren't happy, but didn't make it easy for me to move on again), so I've always sworn I wouldn't do that for my children.

I think failure to launch is a little unfair in the current climate

When I turned 18 it was worlds away from how things ate now, I don't think I would be able to support myself in 2024 as a young adult.

I definitely think it's healthy for an adult child to move out for a while to learn how to navigate life independently. Personally, I think it wouldn't have been good for me to always live at home.

Multigenerational living can be great if handled well though. I know families where the adult children moved out and have moved back in their 30's with children. These are larger houses or houses with land to build an annex. Grandparents move into a brand-new annex and the adult children are in the main house.

I think I'd feel I'd failed.

I'd like him to live nearby, but not with me as much as I'd miss him bitterly.

It's my job to teach him independence.

Why would you consider yourself a failure?

House prices and rentals are insane and unlikely to improve.

Someone can live with you and be independent, I don't know why people base their success and achievements on how quick their child leaves the family home

I'd be OK with them staying for a few years beyond 18 in order to save for a deposit etc. I'd like to see them make their way in the world independly though.

There's also the lifestyle issue- when they're 18 I'll be 50+ and value my own space, peace and quiet etc. I won't want boyfriends or partners hanging round in my living room or staying over and in the kitchen at breakfast time. Having worked hard all my life I think I'll want to relax and start to scale back work etc and have my home to myself more.

It's their home as much as mine. I can't understand parents who charge their children "rent" for staying in their own home or exodct/ask them to move out. They're not landlords/tenants for goodness sake!

I just want my kids to do whatever makes them happy

My kids are in their teens. I'm expecting them to live with us for a while as adults as we live in London and both are likely to want to stay in London, but I don't see either having a career that has a high starting salary, nor would I ever tell them they ought to go for a higher paying career just to stay in London. We're not badly off but we're not going to have a spare £100k+ each to give them a London deposit!

We're hoping to do a loft extension one day, mainly to facilitate them being able to stay at home longer and have more space to themselves.

I would expect them to use the time with us to make preparations to live independently, though.

I have also considered that I want our kids to know that if they want their own kids but are worried about money, they should let us know as (provided we get on OK with their partner) maybe we might offer to let them a partner and a child/children to live with us for a while if that will enable them to start a family when they want. NB, I have no expectation, or even desire right now, to have grandkids, but I want to help my kids if they do want to have children.

The financial side of getting a first time house is unlikely to be a problem - he'll have enough for a deposit, provided he's not totally feckless. And I'd be disappointed if he was. I wouldn't want him to leave before he's ready but I would expect him to get his act together and take responsibility for himself. I'd want him to want to move out too because that's the stage of life he should be at and want to have. Mainly because that's invaluable life experience and it should be an adventure.

Living with mum and dad forever isn't wanting to get out and make the most of life.

DD1 bought her own place a couple of years ago. She largely lives there but does nip back to us from time to time. She's 29 now and also spent several years living away at uni, though home in the holidays.

DD2 would like to move out and live with her boyfriend but neither can afford it at the moment so it will take some saving. She's 25 and working locally.

DD3 is 22 and has just finished her university degree. She's looking for graduate employment whilst working shifts in a large chain of coffee shops and at a local hotel to pay down her student overdraft. We'll then see where she ends up needing to be when she eventually gets the sort of work she hopes for.

I think it's great when my children move out and become independent. I'm delighted for them. However, they'll always be welcome with us if they need it too. We are here to support.

I'd never set limits on it or issue ultimatums. It's usually possible to encourage independence without doing that.

As someone in my 30s, I massively side eye any peers that are still living with their parents. I don’t think you can be truly independent as an adult while living under mummy and daddy’s roof, sorry. Similarly, I don’t understand people who stay in the same street they grew up on… I have a family member who goes for dinner at her parents every night…

Not sure if my autistic DD will move out one day. It is hard to imagine but she is a very young 15 year old at the moment, so hoping she will manage to if she wants to. I am way too attached though and the thought of not living with her fills me with dread if I am honest. I do want what’s best for her however so won’t let her know how I feel.

It was never, ever on the cards for my kids to do anything other than start work and flatshare with friends straight after university.

They loved those years - working and standing on their own two feet. There's lot of dignity and self-respect in being an independent young adult.

We all agree that it was a very good thing that right from the start of working life they were budgeting for rent/ bills/ groceries/ travel etc.

I wouldn't feel I have failed if they don't move out, but at some point in my life, I need to be top priority, after putting my kids first all my life. I don't want their partners or children living with me. I want my own space in my golden years. I don't think that is unreasonable.
Sadly, I have no room for an extension.

For her own benefit, I hope my dd is independent enough to want to move out. However, her room will remain & this is always h t home no matter what.

Mine are only 9 and 3 but we’ve said they can stay as long as everyone is happy and respectful of each other (and we have enough space for 4 adults!). My caveat would be that as long as they are with us, they save what they would spend on rent to put towards a deposit.