To ask would you ever ask or have you asked your adult children to move out or would you be happy for them to stay at home forever?

[donedown]

Just that really.

Do you expect that with the housing market as it is that they will just stay at home for a significant amount of time? Is this something you are happy with?
Would there be a cut off point or age you would ask them to move out if they where still at home and they could afford to rent and obviously had not found a partner or had a family?

I love my children dearly but the transition from teens to adults has been challenging with one of them and I cannot imagine being 60 and wanting some space and peace to relax and still living with them!

Mine know I expect them to forge their own lives, which means leaving home.

But they also know they are always welcome here, and I mean that. Even when being as mardy as hell and underfoot in all the wrong ways, I love it when they're here!
(Two have flown, one still at university)

Mine are welcome to stay as long as they want, although dd1 bought her own house and moved out 2 years ago. DD2 is at uni and still at home. She can stay as long as she wants.

From the age of 14 my DM made it clear to me and DSIS that we both had to move out when we were 18 - DSIS left home just after her 16th birthday and I left the same day at 18. My DC will be more than welcome to stay for as long as they want/need.

Mine have additional needs. They might well leave home and live entirely independently but I’d also not be surprised if they didn’t. Either way we will make it work. I certainly don’t have a cut off age in mind.

I think if a child didn't leave home (if they are not disabled) I'd have failed as a parent. Literally a Failure To Launch.

It's right and natural to leave the nest whenever possible and make your own way in the world.

My siblings and I were made to feel so unwelcome that we moved out very young.

Our children are welcome to live with us forever if they wish to. I'm sure they'll be ready to move out at some point and we'll help them buy a house when they're ready. If they choose not to though, that's fine with us.

I expect mine to be with me a long time. I have 4, all with various issues.

I'm happy for them to stay with me as long as they need.

I'd want them to have the experience and fun of a house share. They are affordable on a full time wage.

There seems to be a false expectation that adult children should not move out until they can afford to buy their own place. They're missing out!

Our children are welcome to live with us forever if they wish to. I'm sure they'll be ready to move out at some point and we'll help them buy a house when they're ready. If they choose not to though, that's fine with us.

Blimey. How old are your DC? You would be happy for them to stay living at home forever.

It isn't healthy tbh.

Do you want your children to be able to have their own place or do you want them to move out?
They are two very different wishes.
I think if it’s just about asking them to move out it’s a bit wrong.
You should be realistic in your expectations - sometimes you just can’t put a deadline for this.

I don’t know that I’d be ‘happy’ if they lived at home together, at some point I’d like them all to move out so dh and I can start doing things like we used to before they came along, like have sex in the kitchen on a Tuesday afternoon just because we can 😂
I do always want them to know whatever happens in life they can always COME home but I’d like them to leave and live independently once they are ready and can afford to.

My 2 DS's didn't leave until they had saved deposits on their own home. Eldest was 35 youngest was 27. Both given help with deposits. I enjoyed having them live at home. None of them caused any problems and both cleaned up after themselves.

Daughter moved out after A levels, briefly returned during Covid (not a success, v stressful) Now living with boyfriend.
Son returned after uni & stayed about 4 years. I charged him rent after 3 months, & slowly raised it to near market value. He really needed to move, but got too comfortable. They need to learn to support themselves.
My partners two sons left for uni & didn’t return (to his exes house, where they lived) and both live independently.
I firmly believe if they stay in the family home too long it impedes their maturity.

I'll never make my dc feel unwelcome. My home will always be their home too.

However I'm raising them to be independent and want their own homes and lives so my 2 adults moved out, one ds got his own flat at 18, the other is 20 and just moved to uni.

My 16yo is at college just now, but she has a job and plans on travelling for a couple of years once shes done at college and has saved, my 14yo probably won't be able to move out for many years, if ever, and if she does it will likely be to move in with one of my other dc. I expect my 2 under 10s to be pretty independent as well.

I should add both of my boys had ADHD so they took longer to manage on their own.

Mine all left home naturally -the oldest, 18 years ago when work took her out of the area, another when she moved in with her boyfriend and the youngest never came back from the city her university was based in. But they have all been told if they ever need to return home for whatever reason they will be made welcome. But, we had my adult brother move in with us after my parents died (he was 57 and had never lived on his own) and it nearly broke up my marriage. After two years he moved into sheltered accommodation. I think if any of my children came back home to live I would have to say to them that there would have to be an agreed time limit as my DH and I are too used to living on our own now even though our house is big enough for them to have their own lounge. Otherwise I think it would affect both our relationship with them and each other.

I'd like DS to live with me forever but he has a partner his own home and a career so that isn't happening. He came home for a very short time after uni then left to get on with his own life so I guess I have done my job.

I definitely don;t want them to live with me forever; I have a small house. I am not putting a time limit, but I absolutely want some peace and quiet before long.
Personally, I don't see anything wrong in house sharing or renting. I did.

I think if a child didn't leave home (if they are not disabled) I'd have failed as a parent. Literally a Failure To Launch
I agree with this. I actually believe some parents are controlling by having their DC live at home, rent free until they are in their 30's.
My DC will always be welcome but only if it is enabling the next step in their independent life.

No and no.

They could stay with me forever and come home whenever too.

Currently I have two at uni and one renting as they work too far to live with me.

My kids can stay with me as long as they need/want. My middle son stayed long enough to save for a down payment and bought a place a little over a year ago. He never would have been able to save enough if he was paying rent (he paid me but far far less then rent would have been somewhere else)

I think they will be here until their 30s.

Don’t really care about others thinking ‘failure to launch’.

They are no problem now as young teens and clear up after themselves, so as adults will have even more of their own lives, so it’s no problem at all. I left home at 16 as I wasn’t welcome but my kids will always have a home here.

We brought a big house as they still have years until they are old enough to work to save for a house deposit, so plenty of room. I imagine by the time they are ready to buy a place, prices would have doubled again.

I hope my children will have enough to move werever they want on earth.
Also, I do hope they will want to live close to me (or in a flat shared very big house, but I would never push it on them).
They are just so fun to have around.

Blimey. How old are your DC? You would be happy for them to stay living at home forever.

It isn't healthy tbh.

Thanks for the judgement. 🙄

Yes, I'd be happy if that is what they decided, I'd also be happy if they decided to move out. Whatever they want.

My children are teens and 20s. One has lived away at uni for a few years previously but is back home now whilst working, doing some travelling and saving. One currently lives away at uni in term time and is home for the holidays, he plans to move back with us fully after finishing uni and do the same as his sibling, work. travel and save. Youngest is in year 11 and will probably live at home and go to uni locally after A levels.

Oldest two come and go as they please, they have their own lives, relationships, good friends etc. All three do washing, cleaning, cooking etc. We have a large house so there's plenty of space. They're welcome here always but we'll support them in moving out if/when they want to. I'm not sure what is unhealthy about that. Just a family that likes and loves each other. HTH

I agree,@BMW6, I'd be concerned if my two weren't interested in and working towards living independently. My DD (19) is in her second year at uni sharing a flat and says that she prefers living with her friends - she asks us for advice on managing bills, etc., but she likes her independence. She may have to live at home for a while after graduation, but I can't see it being long term.

I wouldn't kick an adult child out, but if they were mid-20's and not showing signs of preparing to move out (e.g. saving for a deposit), I'd discuss it with them. I think we'll downsize at some point anyway.