To ask would you ever ask or have you asked your adult children to move out or would you be happy for them to stay at home forever?

[donedown]

Just that really.

Do you expect that with the housing market as it is that they will just stay at home for a significant amount of time? Is this something you are happy with?
Would there be a cut off point or age you would ask them to move out if they where still at home and they could afford to rent and obviously had not found a partner or had a family?

I love my children dearly but the transition from teens to adults has been challenging with one of them and I cannot imagine being 60 and wanting some space and peace to relax and still living with them!

I think it's probably a lot easier to live with an adult DC if you have a large house - definitely if you have more than one bathroom. It's also easier for them to leave home if you are in a position to support them with deposits / rent etc. people's circumstances are not equal .

I think I will have to give my DC rents or deposits to move out, as we are in London and they have chosen professions that will likely be confined to London. Honestly, I never anticipated this. It's going to be tight.

Ds 26 bought a house two years ago with his fiancée and got married last year. Ds 22 still studying and working part-time, no serious partner - I'm putting the max allowed each year into his lifetime ISA so that either way, by 30 he should be able to afford to buy an apartment - sooner perhaps if he meets someone.. I'm in no hurry for him to leave, he's good company and we have plenty of space.

I hope my two move out when they are ready, ideally in their early twenties.
More for them than me to be honest, they can stay here for as long as they want/need but I think they would be missing out out the freedom of young adult life stuck at home.
I left home at 20 and I loved not having to live according to my parents routine, I hope my kids will be the same.

There's something wrong if your 42 year old has never wanted to move out of home

I have 2 still at home. One is 18 and saving to travel (gap year) the other is 23, moved out for uni, but has moved home and is working. She plans to work abroad in a couple of years time. They are both very welcome to stay/come and go as required.

Fully fledged adults living with their parents for no good reason is a big fat no from me. Somewhere along the line, there’s been a failure in healthy development and dynamic. If the parent is happy to have them living there, then there’s a psychological issue with them too.

What professions are tied to London whereby you can’t commute in?

People talking about multi gen living. The houses in places where that is common are built for that. Typical british 3 bed semi is not....

As one pp said, I would also not consider moving in with someone who wasn't living independently before and I advise this to many young women and men too. Sharedhouses are still usually doable and provide the independent experience.

I don't necessarily see my house as the 'family home' as such, moreso the place we all live in now (2 children 17 and 13). I am also single and once the children are reared and fully gone early 20's?) I will be living life on my own terms, including possibly moving, dating, downsizing etc. I may do none of those things or all of them, the point is that housing my adult children will not be one of the factors under consideration. Their Dad lives close by in a much larger house - the original 'family home' - so what he does is up to him. I love my children dearly and will always be there for them and if I have space wherever I am they are welcome to stay for short - medium periods but my expectation is that as two reasonably intelligent and independent young people that they will be off living their own lives, making their own mistakes and figuring out how to make it all work as people have had to do forever. Lots of the people I know in their 20s living at home could in fact move out but they are too busy having multiple holidays per year, buying the best of everything and generally benefiting from living in much more comfortable accomodation than they could afford - but that doesn't mean it is the right thing for their development as independent adults running their own lives within the limits of their income.

Mine will always have a home here as long as they need it. My oldest is 17 and while I can see her coming home to live for a while after university, she’ll want to make her own way and move out anyway. Second child has ASD, ADHD and various issues that go along with that, and hopefully one day he will be able to live independently, we wouldn’t want to push him to before he’s ready. Youngest isn’t born quite yet but the same will apply to them- no one’s in a hurry to make them move out.

I moved out at 19 to live with my boyfriend who was abusive. But it was to get away from my mother who was also abusive and pushing me to leave. She then complained she was short of money because I was no longer giving her any. I’d hate for my children to ever feel like they’d been forced to move out before they were ready and didn’t feel safe where they ended up.

It'll depend on what they're like as housemates. If they're noisy and messy they'll be encouraged to get out sharpish I'm not a very tolerant person, if they're considerate and nice company our house is big enough there wouldn't need to be a rush. I'd like to know they have a plan, I'd feel like I'd failed if they weren't making plans to move on, but we'll see, maybe if they make a life for themselves locally and get a job and friends here I won't feel like that.

I would let them stay at home forever.
I would probably be on here posting on AIBU a lot when they got on my nerves from time to time, but even so I would let them stay.

I moved out at 17 and moved back in a couple of times with my mum and then my dad, neither really settled situations. I would have loved it if I had a bedroom that was truly mine there as I was such a mess.

On the back of that I am adamant to never ask dd to leave it make it so she can't come back. I was so lost for so long I want her to have a stable base

I'm pretty sure that if my second dc hadn't left home after college (ten years ago) that we would have probably driven each other crazy.

They were always very independant, party animal, messy and our personalities clashed. They couldn't wait to move out as they didn't like rules. They had to move home a couple of times for short periods and it was very unpleasant for their siblings. But it sounds awful but I couldn't wait for them to leave. We have a very good relationship now.

I'd definitely always have a bed for any of my dc though.

I currently have 2 dc still at home. One saving for a mortgage who's very quiet and respectful, mucks in and my youngest has additional needs so might always be here and I'm fine with that.

Dh and I regularly have short breaks together to have our alone time. We thought that we'd get to this time in our lives and we'd have sone freedom and time together just us but it's definitely not turned out that way. Our home is a revolving door for grandchildren too lol.

The commuter belt is also very expensive.

I feel my job is a parent is to grow them into people who can be independent and have their own lives, not for me to look after them their whole life.

They can stay as long as they like and they'll always be welcomed back too.

There are plenty of commutable and affordable places. I’ve lived in many of them.

We live near family and that's what my parents did also.

It is truly wonderful and though I've lived further away, I made my way back and I couldn't be happier.

I definitely hope so as both my DC want to move out once they get proper jobs. One is still in education, one just got her first starter job which hopefully should lead to better things.

DS1 will likely go to uni next year, DS2 a bit younger. Both are neurodivergent and the dynamics of house shares could be challenging particularly for DS2, so I can see one or both of them preferring to live at home until they can at least afford to rent without having housemates.

I won't be doing the live at home rent free so you can save for a house thing though. If they are working age adults and they are working, then they will be getting into the habit of paying board and contributing to bills and food. Otherwise it's a rude awakening when you move out and you go from most of your income being disposable/saved to suddenly it all going on survival stuff. I've seen so many ND young adults struggle because their parents frankly made it far too easy for them. I may well save the board for their longer term needs (house deposit, car, if one of them needs to relocate for work, etc and needs extra support to move) but they will absolutely be paying it.

We're lucky we have a lot of space so I'm happy for mine to stay here as long as they like. I might feel differently in a smaller house though 😆🤣

Well if our teenager stays as they are now sure if it works fine

For their sake I hope they do leave home but we have absolutely no issues them staying

Mine are little still. I’m hoping to be able to pay for a renovation/build that has a comfy upstairs that adult children can stay in. I’m also only building an upstairs with the clear understanding that children living there clean the bathroom tidy and vacuum so that will extend to adult children! I’m also the only local family member with a decent sized house so expect to host the visiting family, so am quite incentivised to have enough space to be able to do this comfortably, it’s not all about planning for the dc.