To ask would you ever ask or have you asked your adult children to move out or would you be happy for them to stay at home forever?

[donedown]

Just that really.

Do you expect that with the housing market as it is that they will just stay at home for a significant amount of time? Is this something you are happy with?
Would there be a cut off point or age you would ask them to move out if they where still at home and they could afford to rent and obviously had not found a partner or had a family?

I love my children dearly but the transition from teens to adults has been challenging with one of them and I cannot imagine being 60 and wanting some space and peace to relax and still living with them!

I also find it challenging but would never ask them to move out. Might be easy for me to say that though as I know they want to move but can't afford to. If they didn't want to I'd be worried!

I love my space for just me and dh but also miss them if I don't see them.

My DD moved out for uni but came home during the holidays (when she was not travelling) - moved to London after uni and rented for a couple of years till she bought her own place - she temporarily moved back in with us during the 2nd covid lockdown but as far as her DF and I are concerned she will always have a home with us.

If they are working hard to save a deposit, or studying at a local uni, then they will be very welcome to stay, as long as they are contributing to the household - not financially, but cooking, cleaning, contributing to food shop etc. They will not however be welcome long term if they chose to sit on their bottoms, not work/study and have us run around after them, but we will always be a base for them to come to if needed. I moved out at 18 year old until 24, then went travelling for a year, and then back for a short period whilst job hunting, back in a few years later when unwell and couldnt work. It was comforting knowing that this safety net was always there if needed, and that's how I will be with my children.

Happy for mine to stay forever if they want to !

We've talked about it between ourselves and vaguely with the nearly adult kids. I don't want to live in our four bed semi in a village forever and if the kids couldn't or didn't want to move out we'd move out eventually and let the adult children/ whichever of them want to take over the rental contract together as a house share.

However but we live somewhere where private renting is as secure as a UK housing association house, with a certain amount of rent protection and very secure tenancy if you've been in the property over ten years, and it's a fairly common thing to pass on the house like that - because we've been here a very long time it's impossible to get a new tenancy for a one bed flat in the area for any less than we pay for a four bed semi. I'd like to move somewhere different eventually. Obviously this plan wouldn't work everywhere!

That said I don't think it's especially likely that the children will fail to fledge as they are all moving in the right direction and have plans and timescales in mind - though who knows, it's really expensive where we live (a one bed flat is about 800€ a month to rent and half a million to buy, and that's rurally where you can't be independent without a car - prices near public transport are double and in the nearest city are triple... ) but the world's theoretically their oyster and all that...

As someone in my 30s I don’t side eye anyone in this position but I would probably side eye someone who looks down on someone in this position. I am lucky enough to have a mortgage/house but not everyone is and we are living in difficult times.

I've always felt that adult children should move out by 25. Otherwise I think it's harder for them to meet people and socialise and just grow up basically. And, I like my time and space after the kids have gone to bed. I don't want to give that up forever to other adults who also want to watch what they want on the TV in the evenings or just chill out in the living room. I had a great relationship with my parents growing up but I was ready to move out once I finished Uni at 21 and when I broke up with a boyfriend a year later and moved back home aged 22 I could feel myself slipping back into the moody teenager role and wanting my own space! So quickly sorted out a move to my own place and never looked back!

My stayed at home rent free so they could save for deposits, they’re all in their own homes now. I miss them being at home but they all still live locally and we all see each other regularly.

Mine are welcome to stay but they must be saving towards a deposit. I don't want them paying ridiculous rents, it's money down the drain.

Agree, I don't want to forever have that parent child relationship with mine when they are adults, which is inevitable if they are living in the family home

My daughter flat shares with two other girls, perfectly doable with an average wage and we have a great relationship. Always new things to talk about.

I would never ask them to leave but I'd be very upset for them if they didn't.

Can stay forever but they need to live their own lives on their own terms

My DS is 21 and he has given us a terribly hard time as an adult.
He needs to move out in the next few months. He knows this. We know this. I believe our relationship will improve when he does go and that my mental health will improve. I'm 52. I want to help, but I just do not want to parent as much now. My career is all engrossing and makes me happy.
DS's actions over the past couple of years have broken my heart.

I want mine to move out after uni & start their own adult lives. I loved renting & living with friends. I really matured as a person when I moved out of home. In a crisis they’ll always be welcome home though.

The adult children I know still living at home are definitely immature & tend to live quite limited lives.

My kids know we will be selling up and downsizing in 8-10 years time which means they’ve got until their mid 20s max to move out.

My plan (if they live here while working) is to charge rent so they get used to paying it, but secretly put it aside for when they buy their own homes.

We live with my mum, (me, DP, 2 dc) as does my brother and his girlfriend and my sister. My mum owns her house, so we all chip in with bills, it’s incredibly cheaper than renting (non of us earn enough to buy a house)
mums stated in her will that it’s a family home and it’s not to be sold if anything would happen to her. Both siblings know this. Dbro is thinking about moving as he and his gf both have new jobs a fair way away, in a cheaper region. But with less people the bills are cheaper, especially with the amount of washing them 2 produce.
it works well, we are very rarely all together at home, and when we are it’s not really an issue. I think what works for your family, is all that matters.

Our oldest son has just bought his own place with his girlfriend.

He’s only 19 so I was thinking I’d be heartbroken when he moved out, but it’s actually really nice - I feel mean saying that!

He was just a messy human, and his girlfriend had moved in with us too while they were both frantically saving, and she was really messy and untidy too. Ironically, their new house is immaculate. I like that he’s independent and grown up, but still comes to visit loads. So despite dreading the day one of my little birdies leave the nest, it was actually a very good day.

Name changed for this as it could be outing...

My sibling still lives at home, they are well into their 40s and have no plans to leave. Their two children who are both in their early 20s also live there, again with no plans to leave. No one pays anything in the way of rent or contribution towards the bills, and my parent often pays for the food shopping. My parent has never asked for any contribution, though it has never been offered. The house is messy and fairly dirty, with fingers pointed at who does the least, but in reality I don't think anyone does much housework at all apart from my parent, who is getting on in age now.

It could be an ideal set up to have multi generations living together. However, it just is not. My parent resents them being there, but also fears living on their own. My sibling resents being there, though they have grown so used to having a completely disposable income, that they fail to see that if they budgeted a bit then they could actually afford to move out and pay rent. Like most of us do. They live month to month and I think they are actually somehow in credit card debt, despite earning well.

It's a weird, toxic co dependent relationship and it's draining to visit and have to listen to both of them moan about the other one. I think my sibling is setting an awful example to their two children, and that they will all really struggle when God forbid our parent is not here anymore. My sibling would have no idea about how to run a house on their own, neither would their now adult children.

For that reason, no way in hell will I let my children live with us completely rent free. I will support them as long as they are in full time education, and will be happy for them to continue to live with us after they have got a job, but I will be asking for a contribution towards the bills and will expect them to help out with housework and cooking etc. So hopefully they develop into a functioning adults rather than forever staying a moody teen like my sibling.

Depends on the circumstances though doesn’t it?
Staying at home because they can’t afford to because times are tough, and staying at home because they can’t be arsed to work and waste the money they do earn on shit? Less sympathy tbh

I'm afraid I would not like to be in a relationship with someone who has never lived independently, whether in a flat share or their own place. I didn't learn fully to fend for myself until I left home and my husband was similar. Whenever he goes home, he is still massively babied by his parents - they enjoy spoiling him and it's not a problem for a few days, but it would not be attractive to see an adult getting away constantly with doing so little. And my parents are the same tbh. We visit our parents for a nice break from the real world, but we and they would find it stifling if we overstayed our welcome. I'd hope our kids would be the same - assured of a warm welcome when they return in the knowledge that they'll soon be off doing more exciting things.

I live with my mum till I was 21. I then moved to another country to live with my Dad. I lived with him until I was 40 due to various reasons. I then met a man and moved in with him. He died 2 years ago and I moved back in with my mum, who had moved to my country in the meantime. I'm 56 and still living with mum. She had health issues so I don't see me moving out as she need cared for.

Coming from a culture where it’s normal for several generations of extended family to live together, no I wouldn’t ever ask my children to move out. Having said that I moved out as soon as I could because my parents were doing my head in and when we had to move in with pil for a few years it was a nightmare. Having said that the idea that living with parents as an adult is somehow a failure just feeds the rat race increasingly individualistic culture and what happens when the tables are turned and elderly parents are being ‘looked after’ by care homes who only care about making profit for their shareholders?

My DS moved out aged 19 due to Covid lockdown rules saying he couldn't see his GF if they were in separate households. They are still together. I am not sure at what point he would have left if this hadn't happened.

@Aussiegirl123456 I absolutely understand everything you say regarding issues of your DS and his GF being very messy and because of that it can be quite nice when they go (so many less arguments in our house) but also how lovely it is when they still come round to see you frequently.

My DC are welcome for as long as they want to stay. I know my DParents feel the same way and I could return home if the need ever arose.

I've had to move back in with parents due to a series of very unfortunate events. Very independent before this, as are my siblings. Multigenerational living can work as long as there's a mutual respect - we all have our 'roles' to keep everything ticking along.
However, I wouldn't have said that in my early teens/20s, when home was the furthest place I wanted to be and I was thriving, not just surviving. I would love to go back to my former years, but that's a whole other thread!