What age is appropriate for school friend sleepovers?

[StrawberryTartIet]

My DC aged 10 has slept at Grandparents and a friends house who lives a few doors down from us that we are all friends as grown ups to. I don't allow school friend sleepovers yet. It's becoming difficult as school best friend has slept at ours but I don't want my daughter to go to their yet but they are asking. I know the parents and they havent done amything to bother me but I just dont feel comfortable handing my child to them overnight! I feel the risk of SA is not worth it, however upset she is mow it would be worse to find out she was placed at risk of SA!

But what age do we have to ignore our fears!!?

Seems quite mean to say a flat no sleep overs are a big thing for older primary / early secondary aged girls.

Clearly this is a personal decision but I was happy with my daughter going to her best friend for sleepovers from age 8.

I knew the parents well and have talked to my daughter in an age appropriate way about her body etc so was comfortable they risk was minimal.
The number of friends moved from this one to another couple between 9-10.

From about 11 I was more relaxed about not needing to know the parents properly as at senior school things are different.

Mine have been having sleepovers since they were 9 ish. Ds attends a small village primary so we know his friends parents and they all live within a 5-10 min walk which is great.
At 10 it's not long before your dd will be heading for secondary school so it might be worth slowly allowing more freedom before the huge shock of y7.

I think your risk assessment is a bit off tbh, by your measure of SA is worse than no sleepover and SA you could stop everything from holidays to avoid potential plane crashes through to anything enjoyable incase a masked assailant is around the corner. You need to use a little more common sense than you are currently, SA is not inevitable, she will be with a friend, you know the parents.

Not really sure how being 12 will help any potential SA advances vs being 10 either?

Her greatest risk is from family members not friends parents.

Don't let your anxiety impact her life. We can't wrap them up in cotton wool to make ourselves feel better.

DD has been having sleepovers since she was 7. It does make me nervous but she really enjoys them and it's important to me to nurture her friendships and independence.

Blanket ban in my house.

I don't allow my DC to attend sleepovers or playdates at anyone's house, I don't care how well I 'know' the parents.

We don't really know if someone is a predator. We don't know what people are like behind closed doors. I will not be taking any risks with my kids.

Meeting friends in the park, bowling, cinema is fine with me there whilst they are young.

As they get to their teenage years and can handle themselves better, they can go by themselves.

This. How controlling.

How ridiculous a comment.

How do you know the friends parents are safer than family members?!

By the same account, those friends parents are also someone's family members, make it make sense.

@Jellybeanbag that's a real shame. You might think this is the "low risk" option but your children are really missing out, some of my most favourite memories were sleepovers growing up, Lord knows why really but it was such a fun part of childhood and I know my children think the same.

@Jellybeanbag

The stats.

My son and daughter had regular sleepovers with school friends from age 7. Happy memories of those times! We hosted too of course.

Wow no sleepovers or play dates. How old are your kids @Jellybeanbag that seems insane.

Back in the real world...every kid I know has sleepovers. It's a fun and exciting part of childhood. I remember asking another mum what age they should start. She had 4 older children so had more parenting experience than me. She said 8 years old if they're emotionally mature enough. Worked well for my children.
Some of my favourite memories from childhood were sleepovers, the midnight feasts, the whispering and giggling so we didn't wake up the parents.
I think it's sad that parents' paranoia is limiting children's lives these days.

10 is when we started doing sleepovers with school friends.

But mine had also been doing sleepovers and camp with beavers and cubs from age 6.

@Jellybeanbag god that's sad 😢

Id say about year 4
Its not so much the age of the child, it is also how well you know the family. I know my DC friends parents very well and am happy my DC would be safe in their homes.

The stats

Makes sense, regular ongoing contact and likely on their own, not with a friend.

I don't blame you op

Sleepovers ..... you don't know WHO will be in that house!

My kids won't do sleepovers either. My son is 12 and is happy enough to see his friends and come home to his own bed.

My daughter is 8 and hasn't expressed an interest. I would be happy to host sleepovers but I don't trust people enough to allow my kids to sleepover in other people's homes.

This is a bit controversial but as a recently separated mum, I know that one of the biggest threats to kids is "mum's new boyfriend" which is why I won't be having one. NAMALT but enough to not risk it.

When living with my husband, I would totally understand if a mother wasn't comfortable with their child sleeping over at mine.

Sleepovers are not required for a happy childhood and I'm with you OP.

Do you mean you've never let your child go for an after school play, and tea, at a friend's house without you there?!

You must know that your fear is extreme, and probably pretty irrational.
Is it worth getting some therapy for yourself, to try and work out what has made you feel this way?