AIBU to wonder if it’s the done thing when people share their kids ‘big’ achievements online?

[tricerotopsrule]

Just wondering how people generally perceive social media posts or messages from people who post about their kids? Eg, big sports achievements, great exam results, getting a new job, passing a driving test, anything where they did really well really. Some things seem to come across as more acceptable than others eg it seems somehow more acceptable to post about sports achievements but not with exam results. Eg I barely saw any posts about school kids exam results even though I know loads of friends whose kids did well. But I often see football and gymnastics posts etc where competitions have been won etc.

Just wondering how people generally perceive these posts- being a very proud parent or would you see it as being boastful / smug / insensitive?

I think it depends on who and why they are posting. 2 examples no 1 A DS of a friend has overcome major health and disabilities to become a professional in a field that a disability could prevent access to. He went to local academy ( our old comp)I love reading his mother's posts. He is inspirational.
no 2, the DD of 2 highly paid professionals, with DDs at expensive private schools posting 1st day at St Trinians, and how she will continue to shine...well, yes, she has every privilege. I roll my eyes.

@JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn Thanks x I think I'm a bit sensitive atm tbf.
The thing is, we are ALL proud of our kids, but the playing field is never level. Some of us aren't able to have kids. Some people's children meet with awful accidents or die. Some children have disabilities. Should that mean you shouldn't post about your kids good news? No of course not. But I think in the old days you'd just tell close friends & family. SM is hard to get away from - it's everywhere. I use FB, but I don't post about my kids on it (as they don't want me to). Most friends do though.

Fair enough. But I don't ever post anything without my daughter's express consent and never in a way that would embarrass her. She'd soon tell me if I did!

Reading this I remembered all my year’s actual gcse grades were published in the local paper - each name and the breakdown of grades 😯 I imagine this no longer happens!

I never post anything with ds consent. But he's already given consent for anything he does in sport to be posted so that ship has already sailed to a MUCH wider audience than our family and my close friends 😂

Without ds consent 🤦‍♀️

@GreyCarpet I guess I'm feeling very sensitive about all the achievement posts as my DD is in the depths of despair with mental health problems and I can't see where it's all going to end. I just want to scream. It's wonderful that you're able to celebrate your DDs achievements. I'm genuinely happy for you.

I don't post anything any of my daughter's stuff, but I sometimes enjoy seeing some of the congratulatory posts. Make my heart smile.

Exactly!
Academic children aren't less deserving of praise. My parents were so worried about those struggling that they never expressed pride in our work.
Others my find it easier to form relationships, have children, and reach other kinds of milestones that get celebrated very publicly. If your highlight in life was 4 A* and a scholarship to Oxford but you weren't celebrated because x next door was struggling with their GCSEs, but x next door then goes on to have a massive beautiful wedding and 5 gorgeous children at a young age when you stay single ... it's not fair either.

Life's too short to keep quiet sometimes.

Life's too short to keep quiet sometimes

Absolutely. Someone wise once said to me "someone's eulogy is not the time to celebrate all that they were if that information is a shock to those friends and family gathered there".

(Paraphrased)

It really stuck with me that you should celebrate the living for everything they do so they know how much they are valued for anything contribution or achievement.

My point exactly, so competitive and unfair on those who haven't achieved what they needed to go to their first choice of wherever. Upsetting for kids too

@itsgettingweird I think social media has a lot to do with children’s anxiety - I doubt it is caused by parents not boasting about them😂

l manage a lot of graduates and I would say they suffered form over praise and never being criticised or corrected.

I have men and women in their twenties expecting high praise for the most basic of tasks. Saying they don’t like how they are being spoken to if they are gently corrected. The tears and tantrums from some of these young adults if you tell them they aren’t yet performing at a standard that would justify promotion.

I don’t think parents are doing this generation any favours at all. Many are used to being highly celebrated for pretty routine achievements and struggle when they are in more competitive environments.

It's not boasting it's a proud parent celebrating. Normally after months of hard work its nice to see some recognition. Part and parcel of social media. I like to see the positive posts, there's enough depressing news reports.

I find it so bizarre that it's a thing in the UK to keep academic success quiet. There was a ridiculous thread recently, where some people believed that people who had achieved a Doctorate were all sorts of horrid things, simply for using the title they had earned.

People shouldn't have to censor their own social media posts in case someone else is upset that Little Johnny didn't get into Oxford. That's life.

It's also very strange to me how sporting achievements are perfectly acceptable to be celebrated. Personally, I value intelligence more than the ability to put one foot in front of the other, or whack a ball with a foot.

I'd be shouting it from the rooftops too in your circumstances. You have every reason to be proud.

It's sad and tbh ignorant that people begrudge/mock others when they know nothing of their situation.

They may be routine achievements to you....to the family involved it may have been overcoming an almost insurmountable obstacle. You simply can't judge unless you walk in their shoes.

Most people follow their friends and family who they actually like so are happy to see their achievements. I think unless someone is particularly braggy and OTT it says much more about the people who don't like seeing it. Most of my neices and nephews live in a different city so it's nice to be able to keep up with what's happening and by the same token with friends.

Some people have a huge family and a wide circle of friends. Also fb is passive you have to go and look for it, whereas WhatsApp is more accurate as you're pushing the info

Over praise is different though.

I know many parents of children uni age (as is my ds) who wouldn't hold their children to account for their behaviour. And yes it has an effect.

But praise for actual achievements isn't a problem. And not praising a child for actual achievements is a problem.

It's a fine balance - I agree. But I think never allowing a child to feel proud of themselves or being to share their successes with people takes away some self esteem.

And I think it's not like people don't notice is someone has won a race, or they don't know the child is awarded man of the match, or it's a secret if they gone to Oxford uni they have great a levels.

Another thing I hate is the performative “I’m so proud of you Jimmy, you are such a kind little boy who is smashing school and we love you so much” when Jimmy isn’t going to read it because he is 4 years old.
It just seems so twee and false. Why address the kid who won’t read it? Why not “Proud of our Jimmy for his kindness in school… etc”

But honestly, if I ever found out my mum had posted a status about how proud she was of me, I’d have died a thousand deaths of sheer embarrassment!

Why?

Which part is the why referring to?
I’m not being rude, I genuinely want to answer your question but I don’t know which bit you want me to expand on. The bit about my embarrassment if my mum posted or the first bit?

Yep- I only have people I actually know well and like on social media, so if Molly has passed grade 1 piano I like hearing about it, because I care about Molly and how she is getting on.

Saying that I don’t put pictures of mine on SM, and I’m a SEND/disability home ed mum so no school report, exam results etc posts.

I do post things like little Jimmy tried a new thing today, or got his next karate belt… I figure if his dad/granny/aunties/friends/god parents don’t want to see these posts they can mute/un follow/un friend me!

I don't do it myself, but I find the parental boasting quite endearing, especially when it's something mediocre. Coming third in the sack race is the kind of boast I like. Or a child dressed up for prom and they're no great looker, but you can see that through their mother's eyes, they're beautiful. And every child should be seen through that proud gaze at some point.

Sorry for the brief why. Yes, I meant why would you be embarrassed if your mum posted .