AIBU to wonder if it’s the done thing when people share their kids ‘big’ achievements online?

[tricerotopsrule]

Just wondering how people generally perceive social media posts or messages from people who post about their kids? Eg, big sports achievements, great exam results, getting a new job, passing a driving test, anything where they did really well really. Some things seem to come across as more acceptable than others eg it seems somehow more acceptable to post about sports achievements but not with exam results. Eg I barely saw any posts about school kids exam results even though I know loads of friends whose kids did well. But I often see football and gymnastics posts etc where competitions have been won etc.

Just wondering how people generally perceive these posts- being a very proud parent or would you see it as being boastful / smug / insensitive?

I agree. I don't name my children and the only people who can see my posts already know who they are. I never tag anyone. My posting about their achievements does not given them any SM presence.

I think a lot of the issue is people who 'friend' everyone and anyone and accepts requests from the same!

This!

People who have people on SM that they don't already know well are the "saddos".

But otherwise you’re just seeking validation and trying to impress everyone or trying to make others feel small. There really is no other reason for sharing it with hundreds of social media ‘ friends ’.

It's literally never occurred to me to think that someone posting about their child's achievements means they're trying to make others feel small or impress anyone. Sirely they're just excited and proud?.

How could it possibly make someone else feel small unless they were already feeling inadequate or insecure? In which case, that's more on them.

Maybe the answer really.does lie in not having hundreds of strangers on your SM.and calling them friends...

I post about my child's achievements, whether it's sports, academic or other. I'm super proud of them.

My family are spread all over and like to see it, and my friends all say they enjoy seeing it, the same as I love seeing their children's achievements.

Our school does this in a weekly newsletter as well. I get parents wanting to tell everyone if their child has been chosen to represent the British Judo Team but when a parent says their child’s rabbit has come third in the local pet show it seems a little cringey.

For example, my son won his first player of the match award last night. Damn right I put it on Facebook because I was SO proud of him. I'm not boasting. I'm on social media to be social...I'd tell my friends if I saw them irl, so why wouldn't I share it with my friends that live a long way away?

I love seeing all those little snippets of my friends lives and their kids. We don't get to see each other in person but seeing how their kids are getting on and how they're all doing is the primary reason I'm on social media.

I think it's smug and boastful. Letting the whole world know about your children's achievements. What about those who do less well? All seems very competitive and not insensitive. I know parents who were disappointed that their child didn't get an A*.
How does that make the child feel?
It's a big NO on all counts for me.
FYI, I don't do social media and never will, too many negatives

And insensitive

I post milestones and achievements on FB. My kids have competed internationally at events and its nice to look back at these memories, entirely for my benefit, same with holiday photos. My FB friends are close friends and family only and if anyone unfriended me I wouldn't lose sleep over it.

But it doesn’t bother me in that sense. I don’t walk around thinking about it afterwards but I don’t think it’s right that you are outing another person’s life like that, even if it’s your child. The child doesn’t gain anything from their mum’s colleague writing well done for getting 9/10 on their spelling test, the only one who gets gratification is the mum. I am very glad SM wasn’t around when I was a kid and I know my now grown kids don’t want to appear on social media at all. Not even their own. They have all seen the downsides of it.

Disagree entirely. Parents shouting from the rooftops about their children's experiences and achievements at the expense of someone else. All so smug and competing.
I recall people at work enquiring about their children's results and comparing with theirs. Crass and insensitive

’My posting about their achievements does not given them any SM presence’

that seems naive. Even with private settings and small numbers of ‘followers’.

If it’s entirely for your benefit why is it on social media - why not start a scrap book you can show grandparents?

or why not have a WhatsApp group with immediate family. That’s what is done in our family. Grandparents and aunt (me). No one else.

at least be honest - posting on the internet is for wider reach.

I left Facebook years ago. Around the time #blessed and #proudmama became popular. It was uncomfortable.

What is the purpose of social media?

Bitterness and envy. That’s all it is.
God almighty, are you 12?
It seriously isn’t.

A whole generation of people growing up with relentless photos and information about themselves posted online, over which they had no control. That's sad.

@AuntieWithAttitude I agree, apologies! When I said "right to post" I probably meant more in the sense that I can't control what others choose to post. But completely agree that children can't consent to having a social media presence (I'd even argue the same about young teens as they unlikely have a true understanding of what the potential impact and pitfalls could be). We've never posted anything relating to our children even when we were on Facebook for this reason.

No. I'm obviously not 12 🙄

But I'm also not angered by my friends and family being proud of their children's achievements and can't understand why anyone would unless there was something lacking in their own life.

When I posted that my daighter had got into her first choice of university on A level results day, I wanted to celebrate that, with her, with our family, with my friends and with the parents of children who'd gone through school with her.

My only thought was that I hoped her friends had got the results they wanted and were as equally happy.

Almost all of her friends' parents shared similarly and we all celebrated everyone's success.

I just can't imagine being someone who got angry about other people feeling proud of their offspring.

If that makes me 12, then so be it 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m not a fan and it feels like people do it less and less now. In my circle anyway.

at least be honest - posting on the internet is for wider reach.

Some people only have friends and family on fb though.

Not everyone has 500+ 'friends'.

Not always but I think often it can be a sign of living a sort of performative life where positive reinforcement and reflection from others is craved, and often a level of insecurity. Rather than being contented with your own life and your own feelings about events being ‘enough’.

Parents shouting from the rooftops about their children's experiences and achievements at the expense of someone else

I really don't understand this.

If I'm proud of daughter for something she has achieved, who is that at the expense of?

No one lost out because she worked hard and achieved something.

One of her friends got a music scholarship to a performing arts college. I suppose technically she got that at the expense of someone who wasn't as good as her but can we never celebrate anything because, for every winner, there might be 10,000 losers?

although we did have the number of crabs they caught on holiday, along with certificate a week later), and so I assume they didn't do as well as they wanted. I suppose at least it gives me warning not to mention the subject.

Oh you're a better person than me then! After having read all the nonsense from earlier I would have asked 'And how did 'mini-Einstein' do in the exams this year? I'm sure they've made you super proud'.
It seems to me that all the social media stuff about children is just an extension of the Christmas Boast-By-Post that used to accompany every card, we would use what wasn't mentioned to get a fuller picture!

I like seeing what friends and family are doing and I'm happy for their achievements

What I do find irritating is the number of children who are going to “smash it” this year when the parents post the back to school pictures!