AIBU to wonder if it’s the done thing when people share their kids ‘big’ achievements online?

[tricerotopsrule]

Just wondering how people generally perceive social media posts or messages from people who post about their kids? Eg, big sports achievements, great exam results, getting a new job, passing a driving test, anything where they did really well really. Some things seem to come across as more acceptable than others eg it seems somehow more acceptable to post about sports achievements but not with exam results. Eg I barely saw any posts about school kids exam results even though I know loads of friends whose kids did well. But I often see football and gymnastics posts etc where competitions have been won etc.

Just wondering how people generally perceive these posts- being a very proud parent or would you see it as being boastful / smug / insensitive?

I use WhatsApp for close relationships where context is everything when sharing news.

Wider social media are much looser connections and can be hugely performative, especially with glory hunger mums.

"Well done hun" nonsense.

You learn to manage people like that for social reasons but keep them firmly at a distance.

Same here. Very much so. I don't have children, but it never ceases to amaze me how quickly people are willing to make their children's pictures visible to the world. It's not something I would have thought to be the best idea going.

I love seeing friend's dc's achievements on the whole.

Although there is a mixture:

1. The one that posts every single tiny thing from the fact the French teacher sent an email saying her year 9 class worked well today on the week of the year the local secondary has a "teachers send a positive note" week through extracts from reports (they do need a code to tell them what teachers really mean!) through to the selected to play for England...
2. The ones who post what they think are big achievements, because they haven't reached the cynicism you get after your first child has left reception. Like posting the "golden award! photo with hugely gushing words, clearly not realising every child (should) get one over the course of the year. Oh and that "your child has been selected to be in a book" one, where every child has, although I haven't seen that for a while.
3. The ones who do it clearly as a memory for them. So you'll get photo of fist day of the year, photo of their golden award, photo of the sandcastle they built at the beach, photo before their ballet show etc. All with a factual statement so when it comes up in their memories they can know when/where/why.
4. The ones who just post big achievements with all details.
5. The ones who do anything except academic (normally ones who do spectacularly brilliantly academically, which is a bit sad)

The only one that gets to slight irritation occasionally is 1. It does mean with no 1s if they don't post then you wonder how badly they've done. The main no 1 on my list didn't post her dc's A-level/GCSE results this year (although we did have the number of crabs they caught on holiday, along with certificate a week later), and so I assume they didn't do as well as they wanted. I suppose at least it gives me warning not to mention the subject.
No 2s I love seeing, in a sort of "bless you, I remember when it felt like that" way.
I feel a bit sad when they grow out of that.
No 3 is how I use it. Love seeing people's general memory items, although mine, if I get a photo tends to be a waved hand towards the camera rather than a big grin now.
No 4 is great. Nice to hear from them from time to time, and always wonderful to see their achievements.
I've put it's quite sad for no 5 because in this country we're happy to hear sporting successes, or artistic successes, but not academic if they're good. I mean, if someone posted on MN "celebrate my dc who worked really hard and got 343321 at GCSE. They've had a bad year and I'm so proud of them, they'll get lots of responses along the lines of how brilliant, fantastic etc.
Post that your dc worked really hard with lots of difficulties over the last few years and they got 5 A*s at A levels and you'll get a few well dones, and some snide remarks about showing off.
When really no one on MN knows whether the first or the second is actually the greater achievement/effort for the child involved.

I really like that approach.

I don't have kids and all my friends with kids do it and I don't have a problem with it. I'm surprised there's so much negativity about it, I guess it's parents being bitter. If one of my friends post on social media because they'd got a new job or got xyz score for an adult education exam or achieved something, it wouldn't occur to me to be anything other than happy for them. Being happy for them doesn't take away from my achievements.

Social media is literally about people sharing their lives and things that are important or interesting to them. Relatives or friends that live far away enjoy seeing updates. It's far more interesting than all the elf on the shelf bullshit.

But you chose to play down your DDs results. That's not anyone else's responsibility to do the same.

My ds came 4th in a European final this year. I was so chuffed and happily shared it. I'm glad for the kids that got medals - and would hate for their parents to have felt that couldn't be celebrated because my ds got 4th.

Because we all know that was more of a shock than those who won medals - he wasn't even ranked to final!

No one's achievements being higher diminishes others. If they do that's in the readers head and own interpretation unless the post specifically says

"Ha, just 3 As - mine got 4 A*'s"

It's a cop out to actively choose what you interact with? Ok then. 🫣

Nope.
Those who are so bothered by other's posts might be a tad insecure though.

Awaits the mnetter post of
"Well I don't even let dc know their results so they don't get big headed. I intercept the results envelope and slide the letter out backwards. They'll get a stern 'that'll do' for A or A*, Anything less gets a curt tssk and try harder."

Personally I don't think so.

My ds is an elite competitor in his sport.

He's NOT particularly academic!

Passing his English gcse was as much (of not more) of an achievement than becoming British champ at a competition.

One post was about how proud I was of him acheiving a pass at English gcse and how hard he'd worked for it.

Another would be about how he competed well and became British champ.

The truth is the second achievement was a given if he did what he can do. Doesn't mean he would have done it but a 4 in English - which many would see as the lesser achievement was by far the biggest achievement for him.

Bitterness and envy. That's all it is.

I love hearing about people's achievements. I'll celebrate the achievements of a random person on the train to Plymouth if they share it with me (and have done!)

Life can be hard and disappointing at times.

I think people probably need to do a bit of work on themselves if someone else's chiild achieves something and they genuinely feel angry about it!

I don't out my kids on SM

I suppose sporting or musical achievements are not something everyone is doing at the same time so perhaps it feels more a)exciting and b) less comparative to share than gcse results when everyone else in the country is getting them at the same time.

if someone has been working really hard and is chosen to captain of the netball team or has got their grade 8 piano - then I suppose it is a bit different. Still would chose to share on family WhatsApp vs anything public

I posted a graduation photograph of my dd-without the class she got-because lots of people were aware of the difficulties she had gone through and had been very kind.

I love seeing posts about my friends' children's achievements, big or small. If I lived closer I'm sure I'd hear about those achievements in person but I moved abroad years ago so social media is my insight into their lives and the chance to celebrate.
And I share my children's achievements too. I mean I don't post pictures of school reports but I'll say they did well, and when my DD won a stipend for best grade average I definitely shared that because it was a big deal, she worked really hard for it. But this is only on facebook, with my friends and family, not on public social media like instagram.

I guess one reason why I'm so unbothered (negatively at least) is because I actually have very few people on my SM and I actively like 99% of them (the rest are family) so I am curious about what's going on their lives/kids' lives and happy to celebrate with them.

This .

I don't have anyone on there is dislike or who irritates me. What would be the point in that?

My DD1 (20) recently thanked me for not posting about her on SM. Privacy is so hard to come by for young people with ever present cameras and tagging that NOT being known by SM is a huge gift. Why do we think young people are anxious?

'Celebrating ' your DC achievements on SM is just bragging and you need to look hard at your own motivation (insecurity? A status thing? Lack of personal connections with whome to share? Absence of your own interests and achievements? Sorry I can'tactually think of any positive motivations). Sharing with people who are personally invested is completely different and no, SM is not the format for that.

It's like couples who post about each other gushingly on SM. Seem to correlate quite closely with relationships in trouble.

I made my choice not to read other's brags and insecurities by leaving SM. My life (and my DDs', who have led by example in this) is much better for it.

I don’t post about achievements and find it really cringe when others do… especially those who list exam grades or headteacher awards or stars of the week/ year or talk about how totally amazing their DC are (I have one friend who does this all the time, her children seem to win every school and sport award going). For me it only ever comes across as smug and boastful.

There is an exception though, and that’s for kids who’ve come through adversity to achieve something meaningful eg SEN or chaotic home lives or bereavement… those things I think are worth sharing.

But otherwise you’re just seeking validation and trying to impress everyone or trying to make others feel small. There really is no other reason for sharing it with hundreds of social media ‘ friends ’.

I think this is more about how you see and use social media. I see social media as a tool to stay updated in the lives of people of like without it having to be personally directed to me. So, I really enjoy seeing all the little and big moments of my friends and their children’s lives. I couldn’t imagine getting negative feelings because someone I like because they posted a photo about how well little Tommy did at sports day or whatever. In fact I think ‘wow that’s cool he must be a speedy little lad’. Or a friend whose 3 yr old can write her own name, I literally just think ‘what a little superstar’. Why do people judge their friends for such minor things? Or if they’re not friends why are you following their lives?

Privacy is so hard to come by for young people with ever present cameras and tagging that NOT being known by SM is a huge gift. Why do we think young people are anxious?
But don't you have to give permission to 'tag' also why be friends in life or sm with people who you think would be nasty to you?
I think a lot of the issue is people who 'friend' everyone and anyone and accepts requests from the same!

But the " kids" that apparently people are " boasting" about are including thos who are doing degrees and passing driving tests so it's likely they will have SM prence

Mind you I would've possibly posted if ZDS had done a good job of cleaning his room. That would've definitely been a major achievement for him lol

Depends what you mean by social media. Sharing with your own network is perfectly acceptable - just like you’d mention to your network in person something you were proud of. It’s like, would you have put it in your Christmas letter? Or something you’d mention catching up with the person in person?

I’d expect both the way you post and what for to vary with the age of the child. It’s weird if you’re posting that your 40 year old child got good feedback on their work report, not word to mention they won a major career award. If your child is 4 then mentioning the good report is fine.

I think people forget that if your privacy settings are tight on FB that a post is as private as sharing via what apps groups.

For me I'd rather do I post than 8 different what's app groups. The same people see the info and want the info.

I like seeing my friends' children's achievements! I don't like full reports and I never share the academic achievements , not sure why but that feels more braggy - maybe because everyone's children are going through the academics and not everyone's are interested in the same extra curriculars!