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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wonder if it’s the done thing when people share their kids ‘big’ achievements online?

263 replies

tricerotopsrule · 07/09/2024 08:20

Just wondering how people generally perceive social media posts or messages from people who post about their kids? Eg, big sports achievements, great exam results, getting a new job, passing a driving test, anything where they did really well really. Some things seem to come across as more acceptable than others eg it seems somehow more acceptable to post about sports achievements but not with exam results. Eg I barely saw any posts about school kids exam results even though I know loads of friends whose kids did well. But I often see football and gymnastics posts etc where competitions have been won etc.

Just wondering how people generally perceive these posts- being a very proud parent or would you see it as being boastful / smug / insensitive?

OP posts:
GivingitToGod · 08/09/2024 18:22

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 07/09/2024 19:01

I don't mind posts when the children are small, but I do think the posts about secondary school children are unnecessary. So many children really struggle at secondary school so it just feels really insensitive.

It's all very well saying 'it's a milestone' but what about those who just aren't hitting those milestones? It's just another slap in the face for those children and their families who are sometimes already hanging by their fingers tips.

Brilliant summary of exactly how I feel too, thanks

DinosaurMunch · 08/09/2024 18:25

tricerotopsrule · 08/09/2024 10:48

Thanks everyone for the comments, I didn't expect so many!! Lots of food for thought and I can totally see both sides.

For context (and I think I didn't post the details before out of fear of being seen as 'braggy' even though I'm immensely proud of my DS.) He has just found out he's won the Dux award at school for the highest in senior school, he put so much work into studying, he's at a state school and he did it all himself, no tutors and didn't even want us to help him study. He consistently studied well over months and he's over the moon and amazed he got the Dux. The school will post it on Twitter at the Prize Giving and I wondered about sharing that post, but then wondered how this might be perceived.

I am quite sad that beaming with pride for your child and sharing this pride is such a no no in some peoples eyes though. Especially for academic work. It's almost like it should be hidden and shouldn't be celebrated. We are obv celebrating at home but I've told no other parents and no parents have contacted me (I assume they probably know from their own kids, DS's pals). I can see that getting achievements might make others feel they've not achieved the same but also it's a real shame we then tip toe around great achievements in case we upset anyone too.

I'll have a think and obv ask DS too as he may not want me to post about it but I was genuinely curious as to how things like this are perceived. I'd be interested to hear any more comments now that I've given some context too.

Thank you all!

You are right to be proud and it's a fantastic achievement. Does he have grandparents, aunt, uncles? They are the people who will want to celebrate too. And he will get recognition from teachers and school friends.

But as for sharing it further, ask yourself what you're hoping to achieve. Chances are most of your wider circle won't be that interested and a proportion will think you're boasting. It might generate some likes. But what's the point? You should not need external validation to be proud of your son. He knows he did it and that's all that matters really

LadeOde · 08/09/2024 18:37

@NetZeroZealot Genuinely curious, why is it acceptable to boast about excellent sporting achievements but not okay to boast about any academic achievements? what about those who have no sporting prowess whatsoever but shine academically, are they never to shine in anything?

Commonsense22 · 08/09/2024 19:55

I think those saying that GCSEs and A levels are not the same miss the point entirely that those are the achievements of those children. They may not be good looking or popular or have a boyfriend/girlfriend or be good at sports any of those things that bring more self-confidence and popularity and often happiness than 4A*.

It's probably a problem I'll never have as my little one is amazing and ever so different to me and I'm actually really grateful she's not so academic because being academic is, and this thread confirms it, more of a curse than a blessing and something incredibly isolating that makes your life inherently socially unacceptable to discuss until you reach university.

cherish123 · 08/09/2024 20:38

HeyPrestoAlakazam · 07/09/2024 08:24

I see it as boastful/attention seeking/all for the likes and comments.

You can be proud of your child without plastering them all over social media.

(Dons hard hat)

Edited

Exactly

coxesorangepippin · 08/09/2024 20:39

Mate always posts about her kids: Brazilian jujutsu, piano lessons, botanical information sessions etc etc

It's all just so attention seeking

Original poster
tricerotopsrule · 08/09/2024 20:45

I've been wondering why I've thought about sharing it online and when people here asked if there's grandparents and aunts / uncles to share it with maybe that's where a large part of the issue comes from. All 4 of DS's grandparents have died in the past few years and they would've been SO proud of him. So maybe I'm missing someone other than just me and DH being mega proud of him.

DH is an only child and I don't have a close relationship at all with my siblings (never see them anymore and they don't have any relationship with DS) so I wouldn't even think of telling them.

OP posts:
Lookingfornewdirection · 08/09/2024 20:51

Commonsense22 · 07/09/2024 08:28

When I was younger my parents were so afraid of boasting they never spoke about our achievements. Later in life they'd call after we'd achieved something asking us not to share of SM for fear of us being seen as boastful.
When the time comes, on social media or not I will publicly celebrate my children's achievements. Every child deserves to have their achievements celebrated and made a fuss of. Including the high achievers.

Sure, but achievements don’t need to be celebrated by posting them on Facebook or instagram. Surely there are other ways.

bumsnetto · 08/09/2024 21:01

Don't agree. If they want to share it's ok. My little boy managed to walk today for the first time, around 1kilometre, with reins on. He's not managed more than around 10 metres until now. He's 16 months old. I'm ridiculously proud of him

PassingStranger · 08/09/2024 22:43

Createausername1970 · 07/09/2024 08:39

I don't think it's appropriate to post stuff about other people. If they want their information on sm they can post it themselves.

A school mum used to post everything about her child - school reports, achievements, days out - and it has caused a rift between them. Child (adult now) says they might as well have been on the Truman Show.

This is just what I posted earlier.

I've seen pics tonight of someone's kids in the bath. It's just going too far and feel sorry for the children.

GivingitToGod · 08/09/2024 22:48

DinosaurMunch · 08/09/2024 18:25

You are right to be proud and it's a fantastic achievement. Does he have grandparents, aunt, uncles? They are the people who will want to celebrate too. And he will get recognition from teachers and school friends.

But as for sharing it further, ask yourself what you're hoping to achieve. Chances are most of your wider circle won't be that interested and a proportion will think you're boasting. It might generate some likes. But what's the point? You should not need external validation to be proud of your son. He knows he did it and that's all that matters really

Show quote history

Spot on

FHNow · 09/09/2024 04:43

Nobody I know does this kind of bragging really. If we hear of successes via the kids, we text the parents. We let immediate family know unprompted as they will want to know.

OP I don’t know what dux is but the highest in the year sounds fabulous! But that achievement is just as good even if just you and him know it. The school is proud and so are you. That’s enough. Maybe after the Twitter announcement, parents will congratulate you too?

My parents used to brag about us. In person, before social media. The kids of their friends resented us due to comparisons made by their parents. I absolutely hated my mum bragging about me. It made me cringe so much. Don’t do it.

newnamehereonceagain · 23/08/2025 18:34

Unhelpful imo to start children off thinking that validation comes from ‘likes’ as opposed to the hard won achievement (at whatever level that might be).
Also it’s divisive and insensitive for those who might be disappointed. I don’t think posting is a good idea.

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