AIBU to wonder if it’s the done thing when people share their kids ‘big’ achievements online?

[tricerotopsrule]

Just wondering how people generally perceive social media posts or messages from people who post about their kids? Eg, big sports achievements, great exam results, getting a new job, passing a driving test, anything where they did really well really. Some things seem to come across as more acceptable than others eg it seems somehow more acceptable to post about sports achievements but not with exam results. Eg I barely saw any posts about school kids exam results even though I know loads of friends whose kids did well. But I often see football and gymnastics posts etc where competitions have been won etc.

Just wondering how people generally perceive these posts- being a very proud parent or would you see it as being boastful / smug / insensitive?

I'm not keen on parents' posting anything about their children on social media, tbh.

I keep mine off social media completely. Too many weirdos about.

I see it as boastful/attention seeking/all for the likes and comments.

You can be proud of your child without plastering them all over social media.

(Dons hard hat)

I don’t put my kids on SM at all.

I grew up believing you shouldn’t brag about things, so I find it quite strange. I recognise people are proud of their children but sometimes the gushing posts come across very braggy.

A friends kid recently did a play with his theatre group. He’s only young so it was very much a kids stage play. All I heard for weeks after was what a star he is and that everyone who saw it thinks he’s got an incredible gift and he outshone all the other kids.
I’m fairly sure all the kids parents felt their kid was the best, but I nodded along.

Yes sports ones are ok. I’ve only know of three that post academic stuff. I’ve got one on fb that screenshots her kid’s school report every year. I don’t think she realises that it’s the exact same report as everyone else’s in the class and it’s quite obvious hers is pulled from the ‘mediocre’ comment bank. It comes over as smug and silly tbh

Big things I am happy to see and I am pleased for my friends.

I do know someone who posts her primary age children's school reports and things like "well done little Xxx for getting above expectations in reading" which I personally find a bit ridiculous

When I was younger my parents were so afraid of boasting they never spoke about our achievements. Later in life they'd call after we'd achieved something asking us not to share of SM for fear of us being seen as boastful.
When the time comes, on social media or not I will publicly celebrate my children's achievements. Every child deserves to have their achievements celebrated and made a fuss of. Including the high achievers.

Most of what I see are ridiculous little things that nobody would ever care about, braggy and attention seeking, does my head in.

I wouldn't mind if it was something big and actually impressive.

I actually think it depends on how the post comes across.

If it comes across as too much then yes it comes across as boasting and smug. I think I'm thinking of one person on Facebook (who's actually lovely and not really boastful in person) but she always posts about her child's end of year report. I always think that one comes across as smug. And just a bit unnecessary. So perhaps it's the detail she goes into about it.

I don’t post about my dc on social media. It’s their news to share not mine.

The exam results one really irks me in a completely unreasonable way! I don’t know why!

Boastful & undignified about academics.
friend recently posted about her DS getting a First at Uni, well so did mine but I didn’t think it appropriate to share on Insta.
Sporting achievements more acceptable- but must be really good, e.g picked to play for county or country. Not winning the sack race at primary school.

I don't think much of it is appropriate, boasting at best. Also sometimes what may seem a minor achievement may actually have taken more application and dedication than someone else's several A* at A level, for example.

The thing I don't get is posts along the lines of "Congratulations to Emily on your first day of pre-school!", when Emily is 4 and has no social media presence at all and will be completely oblivious to the post and gushing responses addressed to her... For some reason it gets my back up much more than posting the same picture but with a message along the lines of "Emily's first day!". It seems a bit sort of... false.

I am really pleased and proud of my friends children when they achieve something. It's nice to hear about it. I don't care if I hear about it on fb first.
I like to leave to leave a positve comment for them to read.

When the time comes, on social media or not I will publicly celebrate my children's achievements. Every child deserves to have their achievements celebrated and made a fuss of.

i agree it’s good to celebrate success. But i don’t think social media is the right way. The child doesn’t have access so how is this a positive way to praise them?

Exactly. We have a family WhatsApp group with grandparents for sharing the kids’ achievements. Not the whole of the internet.

I'm with you on this. I tell my children how proud I am, I don't need anyone else to chip in and add to this. I think telling close family is very different to posting to Facebook.

I think it's part of a bigger picture with social media where we're teaching children to seek validation externally over internally. Whilst this may not sound fair, for the couple of friends I have who post anything and everything about their kids on social media it comes across as an invitation to comment on how great a parent they are or how great their life is (when in real life they often talk about how they lack confidence in themselves as parents or are going through a particularly rough time). The whole thing feels performative, personally.

I will say my views come from a place of a) barely having a social media presence myself having come off it all years ago and b) working in children's mental health services I see the negative impact of social media short and long term as opposed to positives. At the end of the day people have the right to post whatever they like and I have the right to ignore it when it pops up on my feed 😅

I like seeing family and friends' childrens achievements - passing GCSEs, A levels, driving tests. All those milestones towards growing up 😊(and parents thinking, 'Phew we've got thru that one').

Why does anyone “deserve” to have their achievements broadcast to the world at large, most of whom really couldn’t care less?
Keep it to those close enough to actually give a toss.

I don't really post anything like this, although I'm not anti pictures of kids on social media generally. I just can't bring myself to post achievement stuff as it feels so showy, cringy, inappropriate if it may trigger negstive feelings in others etc. Having said that, it's weird because I actually don't judge others for doing it. If no one did this there would be no Fbook for me to mindlessly scroll through! And I do like to see kids achieve in general.

I don't mind hearing about achievements, some are better than others at hitting the right tone and coming across as proud rather than boastful! I also have one that posts her DD's report which is incredibly cringe and I'll never look away.

I do think posting about GCSE or A Level results is a little different. One thing to say you're proud but quite another to boast and state the straight As. Everyone has to go to school whether they struggle or not, and results day isn't happy for everyone. Different to posting about a gymnastics competition - the ones who are shit at gymnastics just don't do gymnastics! Whereas the ones who struggle with school still have to go five days a week.

I don't think it's appropriate to post stuff about other people. If they want their information on sm they can post it themselves.

A school mum used to post everything about her child - school reports, achievements, days out - and it has caused a rift between them. Child (adult now) says they might as well have been on the Truman Show.

I have 2 people who constantly boast about their children's achievements & FB & always have. The "children" are now adults & I'm amazed they go along with it. It's completely cringe-worthy.
I used to put occasional things like driving test & University places (without any grades etc) & my FB is very private with only a few close friends & family on it, but I have to say I don't think I would do it now, & I feel a bit embarrassed that I used to, even though it was very low key.

I think your second para sums it up for me