AIBU to wonder if it’s the done thing when people share their kids ‘big’ achievements online?

[tricerotopsrule]

Just wondering how people generally perceive social media posts or messages from people who post about their kids? Eg, big sports achievements, great exam results, getting a new job, passing a driving test, anything where they did really well really. Some things seem to come across as more acceptable than others eg it seems somehow more acceptable to post about sports achievements but not with exam results. Eg I barely saw any posts about school kids exam results even though I know loads of friends whose kids did well. But I often see football and gymnastics posts etc where competitions have been won etc.

Just wondering how people generally perceive these posts- being a very proud parent or would you see it as being boastful / smug / insensitive?

What I find ridiculous is the use of “smashed” e.g Lily smashed her first day at school”.

Something very out of the ordinary fair enough, eg getting a pilots license or something. What I really loathe is parents posting excerpts of their child's school reports (some even do this for nursery reports!) It's normal for teachers to give praise and it's as if parents don't know that.

I think it’s fine and I do it, I’m not sharing to the “whole of the internet” as my social media is limited to people who I want to share aspects of my (family) life with and equally keep up-to-date with theirs. I love hearing about other people’s successes in this way, it’s a great way of keeping in the loop with people you may not speak with on a regular basis (ie cousins, friends who’ve moved away etc). I actually hate this cultural thing of having to downplay or hide things that have been hard earned and where a bit of praise is deserved.

There’s been a very obvious shift away from over sharing which is so much healthier. My FB feed is mainly my groups. My children haven’t been mentioned on Facebook for about ten years. In fact I never see posts like these!

🤣

I love reading about my friends' children's achievements on social media. And the achievements of the parents. There's so much doomscrolling and genuinely bad news that if someone wins a competition or gets into a great university or sings a lovely solo or bakes a delicious cake or grows an enormous pumpkin or teaches their dog a new trick or learns to roller skate or gets their dream job or redecorates their hallway, I want to know all about it!

I’ve seen people post about all sorts of things. I usually think aww that’s nice. Sometimes if I know the backstory (awful domestic abuse, childhood cancer, additional needs) then it’s particularly heartwarming. But it never bothers me. It’s just a nice moment they are sharing.

Yes, I agree with this 😁

I celebrate my children's achievement online - they’ve worked hard, not had privilege of private education or tutors so why not celebrate top grades. I don’t see why it’s anymore boastful than celebrating them winning a swimming gold medal. If people don’t like that then so be it, that’s what social media is for, discussing achievements in life. If people don’t like that I’d assume they wouldn’t be on places like Facebook where that’s how it rolls. I post the good and bad, not only when I go on holiday. Though I don’t tend to post as much these days.

Absolutely agree, as I said in my own post that’s what social media is for and I’d much rather celebrate special occasions with people that the terrible news we often see constantly.

I've never done this at all. We celebrate my daughters' achievements within the family, not with the wider community.

A family WhatsApp group for the wider family I would consider, but we don't have one as the only remaining grandparent (my mother) doesn't do mobile phones, computers, internet.

I have absolutely zero interest in social media witterings about the children of others and I expect them to have zero interest in mine.

Strongly dislike it for all achievements and dislike it for ‘milestones’ like first day of school and holiday snaps. Unless you have a tiny number of ‘followers’ on SM eg family and close friends it’s just broadcasting ‘news’ to acquaintances.

Disagree with the poster who suggests that doing this is ‘celebrating’ and ‘making a fuss’ of DC.

This. I keep my social media small to friends and family. I like to see other children succeed. I don't share their whole report but I will mention it and say we're out for dinner to celebrate a good report.

I don't know why in this country people (particularly in state schools) are so against the sharing of academic achievement. My youngest son recently won an award in maths only one other person three years above had managed to win and the school didn't celebrate it at all. He got his certificate in a brown envelope in his book bag.

My friends kids are at private school. There are prizes for academic achievement from Year 3. Success is celebrated. Even in reception they have a chart to show who is moving up in reading or whatever.

At our state school, awards are given to the slightly better than average kids. But the really high flying kids. They don't need it apparently (even though they struggle in PE, never get picked and are last every sports day but sports is different so yeah, let's celebrate success there).

Drives me Insane.

I don't do it personally and even the thought of me doing it makes me cringe. I do share achievements with close friends and family privately.

I don't think negatively of people posting the big things though, e.g 'well done x for working so hard on your GCSEs/passing your driving test' etc. Every house point, certificate or whatever is a bit embarrassing though. I think it smacks ofpeople living vicariously through their children.

Because broadcasting it far and wide is not “celebrating”, by any definition, it’s boasting.
How can you not see that?

I don't do achievements, but I have done first day at school and the like - we don't live near family, and also several of the staff from their nursery had asked to see a photo etc. Easiest to pop it on FB and restrict to friends only than to try figure out who wants to be bothered on WhatsApp! On FB anyone who doesn't care can ignore.

The only thing I shared was that mine had got into university and which university they had got into with a "Junior clothes is off to Mumsnet university!" As with others I feel it's their lives and their news to share.

To those saying it’s ok to share success about sporting achievements but not academics - why? Surely getting stellar results in exams takes as much talent and hard work as it does in sport?

More generally, I think it’s lovely to publicly declare how hard your child worked and what they achieved and that you are proud of them. It can be done without denigrating others. It’s all about tone.

I post because I like things coming up in my memories. I often forget what the kids have done and my memories remind me. Plus I'm bloody proud of my kids they've been through so much, and achieved so well. (I'll pop my hard hat on now)

I think it's symptomatic of parents boasting about their children which I see as healthy and positive. It doesn't matter where.
In my days, parents were boasting at the school gates or over diner with friends. Except mine.

I don't care if my DC are low, mid pr high achievers but I will be boasting about them. :)

I don’t see why being proud of your child’s hard work (in the face of much adversity) has to be seen as boastful and not just proud. I don’t particularly care if people think it’s boastful, it’s not me who has achieved it, it’s my daughters hard work so I’m not boasting I’ve achieved something special, as it was her who did it. I’m acknowledging and celebrating her hard work and if other people didn’t care there wouldn’t have been over 120 comments about it. If some people want to pull a face and say she’s just boasting then let them. Let’s face it that’s what social media is for. Most people don’t post the hard stuff, just the nice stuff they’ve achieved, new jobs, new babies, holidays etc. If you don’t like that, don’t go on social media.

For the reasons I said upthread - children who struggle can't really opt out of academics. And I say that as someone who has achieved a lot academically but hasn't a sporty bone in her body.

Exactly, my daughter put just as much hard work into her GCSE’s as someone training for a competition. She didn’t just show up and not had to do any preparation. I’m very proud of how much hard work she put in.

All of my friends on Facebook are friends in real life so why wouldn’t I be interested in their children’s achievements?
i have lived on five different countries and it’s lovely to see the children grow up.

I think I have bias because I had parents who boasted and still boast in RL about their DC to all and sundry. Think to do with their bad experiences as children. It was embarrassing and poor social skills IMO!

often people wouldn’t ‘broadcast’ it if bumping into an acquaintance in the street but do so online. It’s the same thing, isn’t ‘lovely’ and doesn’t benefit DC.

Agree that it’s inconsistent to differentiate between types of ‘achievements’ unless perhaps between team things (eg performance arts, some sports) and individual ones.