AIBU to wonder if it’s the done thing when people share their kids ‘big’ achievements online?

[tricerotopsrule]

Just wondering how people generally perceive social media posts or messages from people who post about their kids? Eg, big sports achievements, great exam results, getting a new job, passing a driving test, anything where they did really well really. Some things seem to come across as more acceptable than others eg it seems somehow more acceptable to post about sports achievements but not with exam results. Eg I barely saw any posts about school kids exam results even though I know loads of friends whose kids did well. But I often see football and gymnastics posts etc where competitions have been won etc.

Just wondering how people generally perceive these posts- being a very proud parent or would you see it as being boastful / smug / insensitive?

It's nice to be proud, especially if they've studied/trained/worked hard toward a goal. I don't personally post much in that vein, but have no issue with those who do. It's not exactly hard for folk to scroll on by if need be. 😁

For some of us we have family and friends all over. It's the easiest way to share.

Why is SM inappropriate.

Tbf though I may be slightly confused about why SM isn't the place because ds sports club and NGB post all about it - it reaches a far wider audience than my posts for family and friends!

Same with schools posting about students.

Context is everything. I would always start by asking after the other person’s DC and then if the question is reciprocated, answer appropriately. That’s just normal conversation.

I don’t have FB but when DS has had success I have always got a feeling of wanting to “shout it from the rooftops” so to speak. I think FB is the modern equivalent of walking through the streets and telling your community.

I don't post myself about them myself but happy for others to so, and no I don't feel they are bragging nor do I get anxiety or it doesn't makes me jealous as it's not about me but them

I'm a single parent and I don't post on social media (my social media contacts are only people who know me) but it does mean I don't really have anyone to share that positive moment and proudness with and that can be isolating. So I do understand why some people do it and it may well be attention seeking but attention seeking isn't always negative, social connection in times of celebration are important. My work team celebrates my work colleagues success so not sure how this is different really.

Academic success is tricky as all children get results together and some will be very disappointed or not high achievers but you can celebrate their hard work etc

Sporting success or other areas that are a specialist activity are not an issue because not everyone was up for the award in the first place so it's different

I also like to hear of other people's success and how their children are getting on, whether that eight 9s at GCSE, accepted onto an apprenticeship or swam 10m in the pool, it's nice and positive and there are far too many negatives in the world.

It makes me uncomfortable- this kids life splashed all over social media.

The kid doesn’t get the congratulations, the parent does so I assume it’s a very insecure parent seeking validation. I rarely see it from parents who are successful in their own right.

But I think this is exactly why some don't.

You use the term "brag" because that's how you see it.

Others see it as celebrating. Some as informing a large group of specific people at once (time saving!).

It's not bragging to say your child came first in a dance competition, or won man of the match at team sport. It's celebrating imo with a wide range of people who actually care that your child has.

If your friends and family see it as bragging imo they are the ones with the issue. Why shouldn't achievements be celebrated?

My son expressly asked me not to share his exam results. He got straight As (Scotland) but didn’t want me to share that publicly, which I respected. Stuff like him passing his driving test and that he got his uni place he was ok with

That's not what she said at all is it?

DD worked bloody hard for her GCSE and A level results. She had to. Her results weren't as visibly good as her brothers, which they achieved with very little work at all. Too bloody right I celebrated the achievement on Facebook. I never mentioned what results any of them got though.

I do only have actual friends and family on Facebook though.

I used to post more but as I got older I came to realise it can be damaging to others mental health if they perceive everyone to be smashing it while they're struggling, plus the kids want to control their own online narrative so now I ask their permission and keep it low key, ie posted that we are proud that DD's hard work paid off for GCSE's but not her actual grades.

Personally I love to see my friends and families achievements and I enjoy the posts but appreciate not everyone does.

I would generally say - non-academic stuff e.g. sport - yes, academic stuff - no.

My DD recently did amazingly in her A levels. A friend asked how the A levels had gone in a WhatsApp group (4 of us had children doing them). I replied “Good thank you” as I didn’t want the others to feel bad if their kids hadn’t done so well. The second to reply said “Really good”. It seriously pissed me off! Implication being that her kid had done better than mine. And I felt I couldn’t say “well actually my DD…”.

I’m just as bad though bragging on here!

I wonder how it makes children feel when they mess up or fail at something in life when all their achievements and triumphs are always trumpeted on social media?

Surely it must make them feel that they have let their parents down more than if was always clear to them that life is full of ups and downs and that's why it's important to share good news with close friends and family, but not make an announcement to hundreds of people.

Nice wee stealth boast. 😁
Seriously, well done to him though.

I generally think it's nice that parents are proud of their kids and want to share it.

Personally I wouldn't share academic results because it seems braggy and I'm aware it would be difficult to read that sort of post if your own child is struggling.

Ds does act and sing and I am guilty of occasional "proud mum moment" posts with pictures from the shows, I'd put sporting achievements in the same category as this and when I see a sporty post I'm sort of vaguely pleased that they're happy but not that interested.

We're talking once or twice a year though, I do find it a little bit silly when parents post every certificate, badge and positive teacher's comment with #proudmumma type things.

The one thing that does wind me up for some odd reason is the phrase #smashed it!!
Especially when used for a fairly mundane activity that pretty much all kids do (EG having a good first week at school)

I think sport/ music etc achievements are different to exams such as GCSEs because generally children who aren’t sporty won’t be taking part in sports competitions so you don’t have children who are failing or do badly and in most cases with sports/ music etc even if an event goes badly you will do well in another, it’s not a one shot opportunity like exams. Everybody has to do GCSEs so there will be children who failed or didn’t do well finding this out on the same day those who did well are being celebrated.

I’d have been mortified if FB was around when I was a kid and my mum had posted all my achievements on it (though she wouldn’t have).

School reports make me laugh. I was a teacher so can recognise a copied and pasted report when I see one, yet the parent thinks it’s absolutely wonderful that their child got this incredible report. I never burst their bubble though, that wouldn’t be kind.

Eh?
You choose 'good'.
She choose 'really good'.
It's all subjective.
For one child 3 Cs might be 'brilliant' because they expected 3 fails. For another 3 As might be 'good' because they've been on track for 3 A*s all year!
We're in Scotland, I know folk who did better/worse/differently than my son, but it's about their achievements and their feelings, not a comparison.

so it's only OK for sporty/musical kids to be celebrated?

I see it as very attention seeking and I don’t like it when parents do it to their kids or when they boast about themselves. I think it’s undignified and I don’t think it’s something that people with a robust self confidence do. They are just chasing likes but at the expense of their children's privacy.

I live in a part of the world where we do the 11 plus.

lots of disappointed small children and bloody clueless parents jumping up and down shouting their children’s results.

I think a lot of parents are just not emotionally intelligent and this really shines through when they want to boast about their children. What are they teaching their children!!!

I actually saw a parent brag and brag and brag infront of another parent and child. One little girl started to cry and the child of the bragger went over and hugged her and told her results don’t matter. While her mum was still showing people a video on the phone of them opening the results.

people are stupid

I'd suggest those bothered by it msy actually be the less confident ones. Scroll by if it doesn't interest you.

I don't mind any of it and quite enjoy seeing it.

I think on a family WhatsApp you only post actual results if asked specifically

I think it's part of a bigger picture with social media where we're teaching children to seek validation externally over internally.

Absolutely this @mummabubs , and also that being the message for ourselves too. Performative is the right word. So many things posted for likes, and then if you don't get them the negative feelings that go with that. Too much!!

I left SM about 3 years ago for mental health reasons (keeping up with the Jones's just wasn't good for me, didn't have good boundaries!), it's amazing how quickly you forget that this sort of thing is the norm. Feel much healthier without it. Try and have solid smart phone boundaries around my young DC and will be keeping them off social media as long as I can.

I do wonder though about the 'right to post', as it's their children's digital profile they're building and the children who will have to live with the consequences of it. Doesn't feel like it should be a given right that parents can post anything/everything they want to. Appreciate the post was about achievements, but there's a general wider chat about boundaries too. I know some friends who have non private profiles and regularly post pictures of their kids with no clothes on. They see no issue with it at all. I'd be mortified if I found a photo of me nude on the internet, no matter how young I was in the photo.