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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How Often are you at Home?

222 replies

Aquarius1234 · 07/09/2024 00:13

I feel I prefer to be out the house more often than in it. Even though I'm indoors lots of evenings by 6pm.
It surprises me that my neighbours seem to rarely leave the house apart from food shopping?

Even if I worked from home I would think it's weird to go days without leaving the house?
I also find it annoying that my neighbours seem to be in a huge amount!!
I don't have much of a social life at all but couldn't bear to go months without doing stuff at the weekend or odd evening.
I do stuff alone to get out the house. It's good to get some fresh air . .

OP posts:
Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 07/09/2024 03:01

Sooverwork · 07/09/2024 02:58

This. Should be a clear indication to OP that this neighbour must be housebound due to health reasons or age but she mourns her “lack of privacy “in her own bloody home . For fucks sake.

Show quote history

No it's not the actual neighbour.

Anyway.

OP posts:
ILuvfur5 · 07/09/2024 03:21

I’m grateful for this thread.

I always feel like I’m doing something wrong when I’ve not left the house for a couple of days.

I have severe anxiety and a disability so I don’t work, I get told constantly that I need to get out and about more to improve my mental health.

I go out with my friend or partner but rarely alone except grocery shopping in the evening when it’s quiet. I’ve been abroad once this summer and on 5 mini breaks so I do get out and about but thanks to judgemental people like OP it never feels enough, my neighbours often comment about how I spend full days at a time in the house.
It’s not so bad in winter but in summer I feel like I’m almost breaking a law staying inside on sunny days!

Reading some of these comments and seeing there are other introverts happy being at home makes me feel more normal and I’ll try to put less pressure on myself to go out now.

I don’t think that was the intention of your thread OP but it’s helped me so thank you.
I can also sympathise with your neighbour problem as I have neighbours from hell, there are only 3 other houses in a half mile radius apart from ours and I’m in a rural area so even if you move you can only have one neighbour but one can be enough to qualify for a nightmare!

Iriswindow · 07/09/2024 03:25

You need to move if you dislike being in the kind of housing that what your neighbours get up to actively upsets and obsesses you like this. I live in a terraced house and never give a thought to what my neighbours are up to. It’s a bit sad that you seem so preoccupied by them.

ineedtogwtoutbeforeitatoohot · 07/09/2024 03:29

Aquarius1234 · 07/09/2024 00:25

Ha as soon as I pop back or whatever I can hear.
During half the year when lights are on I see from the resident car park lights always on. When I come back from work or come back at 8pm/ 10pm Sunday 4pm etc etc. And hear voices.
I just find it annoying that I never get more privacy as it were.
And my god why wouldn't you wanna go out for half the day or evenings at weekends!! Or whenever.

Edited

Why don't you have privacy when your are in your own house ? This is very odd

Edingril · 07/09/2024 03:48

Maybe they are secretly sat at home searching the dark web to find ways to hack into your life because they are desperate for you to fall in love with them so you run off on horses together and be pretend cow people who head to ranch called 'Chateau De'lusional' and make wine together?

Frogpole · 07/09/2024 03:51

Back in the old (or perhaps that should be young?) days I used to work away most of the time, and even when I was in the UK "home" was a bit like a live-in job anyway.

By the time I met my now DW and we had place of our own to call home I was still moving around a lot, and we'd grown out of the stage where being in the pub all the time was fun, so going home for me was more like being on holiday, couldn't wait to get there and never wanted to leave.

That seems to have carried over to this day in some ways. We've got a nice house now, and we've made it the way we like it. Or rather how DW likes it, which means I like it too - I'm a little bit institutionalised (my sense of style and taste is on par with that of a small haddock) where's my wonderful DW is something of a savant with things like that. She's always been a social butterfly, she's in a few clubs, does some community stuff and all that, and likes to go out a lot, where's I'm slightly more inclined to stay at home and enjoy what we've got.

Unless they ask for help with something or they're going away and ask us to mow their flowerbeds and weed the lawn I really don't pay any attention to next door.

Raveonette · 07/09/2024 04:43

When I was healthy I was out most of the day nearly every day. I hated being stuck in. Now I'm ill I can go several days barely leaving my bedroom. It's shit.

pollyglot · 07/09/2024 04:48

After 47 years in a demanding profession, I'm happy to be retired on my acre of orchard and gardens. I don't want to go anywhere, as I travelled extensively for years. I love my house, my animals, my fruit and veg. I teach classes here 5 days a month, I write, read, paint, learn, garden. "With a library and a garden, a woman has all she needs." - Cicero.

CheekyHobson · 07/09/2024 04:52

Oooh you’d loathe me! I love being at home. I have a busy job in the central city that gets me out and about and meeting a lot of people every day so when I go home, I want to stay home!

I’ve spent a lot of time and effort (and money) making my house really nice and it’s my retreat. All my favourite things to do - cooking, hosting, gardening, reading - are “at home” activities and while I do like to get out on a walk, if it was a rainy holiday week I would have zero problem staying put the whole time. I even order in my shopping so don’t even go to the supermarket!

Sooverwork · 07/09/2024 04:55

Aquarius1234 · 07/09/2024 02:38

I don't think it's weird to wonder how often you spend out of the house.
I assumed it had probably been covered on mumsnet numerous times before.
Bit like asking how often do you socialise outside.

Totally weird.

GoldenLegend · 07/09/2024 05:11

Aquarius1234 · 07/09/2024 00:37

Yes I want to be at home sometimes and them not be there!!

Thank goodness I try to go out even when I'm not bothered.
I do think it's weird to be home 24/ 7 actually.

I think it’s weird to care that much that your neighbours are enjoying the privacy of their own home.

Frieda2024 · 07/09/2024 05:22

Haven’t RTFT and agree in general with the maxim of ‘live and let live’ so I don’t really think about what my neighbours’ habits are regarding going out or staying in much as I think it’s their choice. Though I do keep an eye on my 83 year old neighbour a bit to try and make sure she is ok, though I have to admit, I sometimes forget when my work hits busy periods. But all of that is easy to say when you are not being affected by noise.

When I lived in an 1980s built mid-terrace, the sound isolation was terrible and I did feel we were all kind of living together. We had the neighbours’ TV blaring most of the day on one side and a dog barking constantly at 4am several times a week when the other neighbour left to work an early shift! We had to put on noise cancelling headphones and moved after about a year of it. If this is the case for you @Aquarius1234 and you can’t/ don’t want to move, I would seriously explore the cost of some sort of sound- proofing as we felt like it was driving us mad. For the garden, can you do some kind of screening or invest in awning/pergola type thing for next summer so you feel a bit more private?

0BonneMaman0 · 07/09/2024 05:28

Aquarius1234 · 07/09/2024 00:39

But in general I think 50,/ 50 is fine or 60/ 40.

Ideally I'd be out 2/ 3rds of the time if I had more of a life and friends.
My neighbours seem so strange in comparison. I'd get itchy feet .

Just stop thinking about them. It's not git anything to do with you. Weird.

ICallPeopleDudeNow · 07/09/2024 05:45

Aquarius1234 · 07/09/2024 01:12

For the people thar stay in most the time and or work from home.
Do you pay any attention to neighbours going in and out of their houses? Driving in and out etc.
Do you ever notice?

No. HTH 😊

JustWonderingWhatToThink · 07/09/2024 05:56

I get you OP I used to have to go out at least once per day if only for a little trip out.
Now as I'm older I could just about do a day at home without going out.
I know people who could go all week without leaving the house once, I don't think I could do that.

OldChinaJug · 07/09/2024 06:13

Of all the things I've ever wondered about my neighbours, how often they go out is not one of them!

I also live in a terraced house and the sounds of my neighbours don't really bother me - a young family on one side and three 20something housemates on the other so its not quiet. I'm out from 7.30 - 6pm weekdays for work but rarely go out in the evenings. In school holidays, I can quite often go for days without leaving the house because I like being at home and my own company.

Do you pay any attention to neighbours going in and out of their houses? Driving in and out etc.

No, I've literally never given it a thought.

JaceLancs · 07/09/2024 06:26

I am out and about all the time during the day - only at home between 8pm and 7am and even then am out some evenings
I start to feel claustrophobic if I’m forced to be at home eg due to illness

TubeScreamer · 07/09/2024 07:00

I’m in and out all day long.

5 part-time jobs, 3 wfh but 2 requiring me to go out
dogs walks
school run
meetings for various volunteering things
bellringing

very rarely in Monday to Thursday evenings

Drearydiedre · 07/09/2024 07:16

I'm with you. I will always go out it I can. I find it sad that society has become so insular. We can work from home and have our shopping delivered. It's become quite normal and accepted on places like here for people to share how much they hate socialising or just want duvet days.

I know we all have different needs and personalities but I think it's a sad trend that its become normal not to connect with people outside of close family and friendship circles.

ICallPeopleDudeNow · 07/09/2024 07:33

@Frogpole (my sense of style and taste is on par with that of a small haddock)

Haha love this! You could be describing me. I wasn’t in the queue for style and taste before I was born either…

Catza · 07/09/2024 08:09

Aquarius1234 · 07/09/2024 01:12

For the people thar stay in most the time and or work from home.
Do you pay any attention to neighbours going in and out of their houses? Driving in and out etc.
Do you ever notice?

I work from home and I am also an artist and so the "second shift" in my home-based studio. During the week, I only leave the house to go to the gym, shop and to walk the dog. I have no idea if my neighbours are in or out. I also have a hedge in my garden so I am not concerned about lack of privacy there.

Peakpeakpeak · 07/09/2024 08:10

ineedtogwtoutbeforeitatoohot · 07/09/2024 03:29

Why don't you have privacy when your are in your own house ? This is very odd

Show quote history

Yep totally bizarre!

Longma · 07/09/2024 08:15

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. at the request of it's author.

Longma · 07/09/2024 08:17

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. at the request of it's author.

Doggymummar · 07/09/2024 08:19

I leave the house rarely. I WFH and have food deliveries, no need to go anywhere.Edited to say I went to the hospital and the dentist this week so I'm not a hermit. Just no need everything I love is in my house.