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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH and best friends wedding

618 replies

Strawberrysaucee · 06/09/2024 07:57

Hi,

my best friend of 20 years is getting married next week, I am a bridesmaid.

My DH is causing me stress - He has said in the last few days that he isn't going to come to the wedding.

I have asked why and he says he just doesn't want to and will not be forced.

I said he will have to tell the bride and groom himself that he isn't coming.

He is refusing to do this and has said he just will not turn up or I will have to come up with an excuse ie. no childcare or he isn't very well.

I don't understand why he is putting me in such an uncomfortable position...I would like for him to be there but he is saying why would you want me to be there when I will just be miserable.

My friend will loose money on his meal as they were 115 pound per person.

I will not lie for him though - I said I am not telling my best friend anything, you can contact her yourself.

OP posts:
CherryBlossomPants · 06/09/2024 08:03

I think seeing as she’s your best friend you should give her the heads up he’s not coming as I’d be very hurt if my best friend didn’t tell me this. However I wouldn’t cover for him and say he is being a selfish bastard and just not going for no particular reason.

Does he have any other redeemable qualities because right now he sounds like shite

Zanatdy · 06/09/2024 08:04

Well he wouldn’t be my boyfriend any longer if he was willing to let me down and put me in such an embarrassing position re the wedding. He has zero consideration for the money wasted. What’s his problem with it?

Kelly51 · 06/09/2024 08:06

I doubt this is the first he's been a controlling arsehole. Just fine , go yourself and have a fabulous day.

AccountCreateUsername · 06/09/2024 08:07

Get used to this behaviour every time there’s something important in your life OP. This man isn’t going to improve his behaviours over time. Have you got kids with him?

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 06/09/2024 08:07

Go yourself, it'll be much more fun! But tell your friend and apologise that he's a selfish prick. Maybe she can upgrade someone else?

outdamnedspots · 06/09/2024 08:07

Does your h often try to ruin days that are special for you or where you are the centre of attention?

He sounds like a childish, manipulative dick. You can do better.

MargaretRiver · 06/09/2024 08:08

Tell your friend straight away, she might be able to give someone else a last minute plus-one, or elevate someone from evening-only, so her money isn’t wasted

Original poster
Strawberrysaucee · 06/09/2024 08:11

Thanks - I feel pissed off that I have to do it on his behalf but I do appreciate it's better for my friend to know ahead of time.

He can be incredibly self centered, yes.

OP posts:
Original poster
Strawberrysaucee · 06/09/2024 08:12

it's just embarrassing for me as people will be asking where he is as he has friends that are going too

OP posts:
Stepusername · 06/09/2024 08:13

Tell her as soon as possible, just in case she has someone else she'd like to invite.

Timeforaglassofwine · 06/09/2024 08:13

I agree, tell her yourself to give her the option of giving someone else his place. It sounds as though he doesn't like not having your full attention, but don't let him spoil this for you.

Whatifitallgoesright · 06/09/2024 08:13

Tell her now so she can use the place but don't tell him you've told her. Wait and see if he 'changes his mind' the day before and wants to come then watch him get irate that he's no longer invited and you're off to have a grand time without him.

Changeiscomingthisyear · 06/09/2024 08:15

Strawberrysaucee · 06/09/2024 08:12

it's just embarrassing for me as people will be asking where he is as he has friends that are going too

Tell them the truth. DB has decided not to
come. He can’t be bothered or he doesn’t like it when the attention is not on him.

GabriellaMontez · 06/09/2024 08:15

Clearly this hasn't come out of the blue.

Is he normally such a bell end? If so are you planning to spend the rest of your life with him?

Have you reminded him that next time he wants you to do something for him, it won't be reciprocated?

LikeWeUsedToBe · 06/09/2024 08:17

Strawberrysaucee · 06/09/2024 08:12

it's just embarrassing for me as people will be asking where he is as he has friends that are going too

Maybe he's counting on that so you avoid seeing your friends in future because of this happening again? Or trying to make you fall out. This behaviour is a red flag. Have you been together long? Is this part of a pattern of behaviour?

crumblingschools · 06/09/2024 08:17

Does he not like you having friends?

EsmeSusanOgg · 06/09/2024 08:20

Tell her, but do not cover for him. You do not need to be overly mean, just factual.

Tell his friends at the wedding that DH decided a couple of weeks out that he did not want to go. You have no idea why, he wouldn't tell you. Just said he could not be forced to go. If his friends want to know more, they can call him.

outdamnedspots · 06/09/2024 08:20

Strawberrysaucee · 06/09/2024 08:12

it's just embarrassing for me as people will be asking where he is as he has friends that are going too

It shouldn't be embarrassing for you. It's his behaviour. He's choosing to act this way.

TheFlis · 06/09/2024 08:22

Tell your friend asap, don’t lie about the reason. If she knows you both so well, I doubt she will be that shocked. If his friends ask on the day, tell them the truth as well. Go and have an amazing day without his miserable selfish arse bringing you down. And afterwards think hard about whether this is really someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Original poster
Strawberrysaucee · 06/09/2024 08:26

I am going to message my friend today, he started an argument with me on her last hen do whilst I was out too which is something I very rarely do.

OP posts:
malificent7 · 06/09/2024 08:26

Maybe think about dumping him.

Original poster
Strawberrysaucee · 06/09/2024 08:28

Financially i am going to be in a real tricky spot on my own. I have a child.

OP posts:
Rewis · 06/09/2024 08:29

I so feel you on this. But the truth is you'll have better time without him. Don't lie for him and go and have a wonderful time. And people won't be asking and if they do then just say he couldn't make it or he's doing his thing or whatever you feel comfortable with.

Kelly51 · 06/09/2024 08:30

Is this his attempt to stop you going? Seems like he doesn't like you going out, don't stand for this controlling behaviour.

Rewis · 06/09/2024 08:32

Strawberrysaucee · 06/09/2024 08:26

I am going to message my friend today, he started an argument with me on her last hen do whilst I was out too which is something I very rarely do.

Is his goal to keep you at home and stop you from going out? That's very different from him not wanting to attend events and being fine/encouraging you to go.