DH and best friends wedding

[Strawberrysaucee]

Hi,

my best friend of 20 years is getting married next week, I am a bridesmaid.

My DH is causing me stress - He has said in the last few days that he isn't going to come to the wedding.

I have asked why and he says he just doesn't want to and will not be forced.

I said he will have to tell the bride and groom himself that he isn't coming.

He is refusing to do this and has said he just will not turn up or I will have to come up with an excuse ie. no childcare or he isn't very well.

I don't understand why he is putting me in such an uncomfortable position...I would like for him to be there but he is saying why would you want me to be there when I will just be miserable.

My friend will loose money on his meal as they were 115 pound per person.

I will not lie for him though - I said I am not telling my best friend anything, you can contact her yourself.

Sorry it has taken a while to update - we broke up not long after this all happened.

He is of course begging for forgiveness/another chance but I feel very at peace now and it is wonderful. I thought I would feel upset but actually I do not!

It sounds like the right decision. Bigger and better things lie ahead for you.

I would generally say that I’m sorry to hear that you’ve separated but I’m really not.

It’s obvious that you can do so much better than him.

He’s controlling and wants to keep you in his little bubble.

The world is now your oyster and you are free to come and go as you please.

I’m so happy for you OP.
Please keep us updated, as I believe you’re going to have a great life now 💐

Absolutely fantastic to read.
Well done for getting such rid of such a horror.
I have no doubt you feel at peace.
Protect that at all cost.

I'm so pleased for you.

One of my favourite plots in books and films is where somebody really horrible gets their comeuppance. It's good to know that this can happen in real life too!

That takes guts, well done you.👏🏻

Well done. Great to hear how well you are adjusting and welcoming the change.
Reads as if you have great family and friends supporting you.
Take care of yourself and your family going forward.

That feeling of weight lifting is great isn't it op? You've ripped that plaster off. Onward and upward wil be easier now.. Well done!

Brilliant news - stay focused and firm and don't let him weasel his way back in. Beware of him using your child to manipulate you and call him out on it immediately if he does.
(I bet your friend's pleased he isn't on her wedding photos now! 😉)

@Strawberrysaucee Im sorry this happened to you but at the same time, it is heartening to read that an OP has actually freed themself from a shit relationship and moved on!

You have a bright future ahead of you! 💐

Fantastic - well done and good luck for the future!

❤️

Having been with someone like this, I can tell you that they push you to the point of resentment. So that when you do finally leave them, it feels like a weight has been lifted!

I had the same, all the mind games, the gaslighting, the threats to leave. And one day I just lost my shit when he did his usual threat to leave. I told him “Go on! Fuck off then! I’ll help you pack shall I?” and proceeded to dump all of his clothes on the living room floor and throw them into binbags. His face was white with shock. And then the backtracking started.

Once they’ve pushed you to that point, there’s a shift in how you feel towards them. And when you finally get rid, you feel relief.

Of course now he’s lost control of you, he’s reverted to begging. He’s panicking.

Well done you for being so strong and making the decision you have.

Please keep this thread to re-read for when he ups the ante on his promises and tries to guilt trip you.

He has shown you repeatedly what a persistently nasty man he is - that his MO is to undermine you, confuse you and disrupt your life to spoil your joy.

You have absorbed this for too long - but when he went as far as doing the same to traumatise your young child that's when you know he is capable of destroying anything. He is a wrong'un.

Has he moved in with his DF permanently - do you have to move rentals now?

Have you emotional and practical support from your DM and friends?

Just take it one day ata time and be proud that you have taken the hardest but best step and given your child the greatest gift - because they now have a mother who is not being eroded by an abuser so has more emotional headspace to nuture them - you will have a much better relationship with your child in a calm, gentle, peaceful and respectful home.

@Strawberrysaucee I guess I should say that I am sorry to hear that - but I'm really not sorry. It will be hard for a bit, but you will be so much happier in the longer run without him. He sounded so controlling and a plain miserable Git you are well rid of him. He will try and guilt you into taking him back. Stay strong. You and your child deserve better than him.

Aw good to see an update here OP. I'm sure things feel tough right now but soon all will be well

How selfish and what a position to put you in. Tell your best friend the truth and tell her ASAP, it doesn’t reflect badly on you but it does on him

Well done OP.
Your life will be so much better without him.

@Strawberrysaucee good for you. He played a stupid game and lost. It sounds like he’s always been very self centred and emotionally manipulative, I’m glad you were able to see him for who he truly is. Enjoy your peace.

Just tell them honestly that he is a selfish prick and walk away .

Well done!

Onwards and upwards!

Keep up!

The wedding and the OP's marriage have been and gone

Wonderful update!!

I had one like that. Unless he was the centre of attention he would kick off. Anytime, any place, anywhere. The moods, temper tantrums and sulks came from nowhere. He won’t change. Don’t ever take him back, OP.