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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Telling a 11 year old to be home at 7

271 replies

FreshStart2025 · 04/09/2024 20:13

Recently started secondary school, enjoying the new found freedom with friends. I think it’s reasonable to be home at 7pm for dinner, homework, shower and to chill before bed at 9pm.

She thinks this is totally unreasonable.

How does everyone manage children playing out on a school night?

yabu - Let her stay out later
yanbu - 7pm is late enough

OP posts:
Comedycook · 04/09/2024 20:15

I wouldn't have allowed this at 11. Where is she? What's she doing?

HappyDane · 04/09/2024 20:15

She doesn't get to decide, tbh. And 7 is definitely about right for an 11-year old.

NuffSaidSam · 04/09/2024 20:15

7pm is later than I'd allow on a school night at 11.

I'd have her home at 6pm on weeknights. 8/9pm on weekends but only if she was somewhere specific (the cinema/a friend's house etc), not just hanging round the park.

Propertyladder123 · 04/09/2024 20:16

Yes at that age would expect them in bed much earlier! Far too young to be out wandering/at friends’ houses

HappyDane · 04/09/2024 20:17

(Didn't mean that to sound harsh, I hasten to add. It's just that children don't know what's best for them - you do. And whether or not she thinks it's unreasonable is neither here nor there)

Paisleydad · 04/09/2024 20:17

She thinks it's unreasonable?

Well, the good news is that you have a perfectly normal 11 year old.

bergamotorange · 04/09/2024 20:19

Where is she and what is she doing?

Yellowbananasarebetterthangreen · 04/09/2024 20:20

What time does she get home from school (assuming she left school and went straight home?)
Assuming she gets finishes at 3:30pm - so maybe gets home at 4? Id say play out/friends until 5pm max. Then homework, dinner, time with family, shower, bed.
Plus one or two evenings a week when she might have evening clubs/sports. I would say zero playing out/friends time after 5pm on school nights tbh. Homework takes priority.

RainbowSlidders · 04/09/2024 20:20

My 12 year old in year 8 (13 in 3 weeks) had to be home from the park at 6:30pm, including weekends. If she is at a friends house/cinema/bowling obviously allowed later but I drop off and collect.

Quartz2208 · 04/09/2024 20:21

7pm is too late for me but definitely any later is ridiculous

fightingsleepagain · 04/09/2024 20:22

My dd is 9 and has never been out without us unless it's on a pre-planned play at a friends house.
I can't imagine in two years she'll be out until 7pm

waterrat · 04/09/2024 20:22

Some people can't imagine this level of independence at 11. I can as my 12 year old is allowed to play in the park until dark as its very safe area and not far. In reality it would be very unusual he would be home after abiut 8. Once at secondary and if with friends playing football im fine if I know where he is ....if its still light and sunny I juat prefer he is getting fresh air and exercise after a sedentary school day

British people are obsessed with early bedtime even on beautiful summer evenings. It's so sad i often walk through our local park at abiut 7 in summer ahd the only people about ate dog walkers. All the kids indoors watching tv

Remember when it was Normal to play out til the street lights came on?

This is why we have a childhood MH and obesity crisis

LittleMousewithcloggson · 04/09/2024 20:22

Mine, at 11, had to come near enough straight home from school unless something definite was arranged (ie could go to cinema with friend if planned but couldn’t just hang around)
Didnt mind if they were half hour/45 mins or so late because they had gone to the shop or similar but were expected to be home before 4.30
At 13 they were allowed to hang around with friends/go for coffee straight after school but had to be back by 6 (that still gave them over 2 hours with friends) for homework and dinner unless something different was agreed with us

Motheranddaughter · 04/09/2024 20:24

Depends what they are doing
Mine were doing sports ,guides etc

No way would they just have hanging about the streets

waterrat · 04/09/2024 20:24

@fightingsleep its a huge jump from 9 to 11 ! My 10 year old wouldn't be out either as she is far too anxious. But I truly would love to imagine her out in the park with friends on summer evenings

Remember that by 11 they really should be getting that independence so they can cope ar secondary

waterrat · 04/09/2024 20:26

@yellowbanana my 12 year old today went out st 6pm it was broad daylight and lovely sunshine. He had had his dinner and was running off with a football to meet friends I know in the park. Why on earth would I want his day to be any more sedentary than it already is ??

Are people aware of how much time kids spend sitting down at school ?

Original poster
FreshStart2025 · 04/09/2024 20:26

They went to the park. I mean, it’s still light and nice that she is out and about getting fresh air and exercise. Her bed time is always 9pm so still gives her 2 hours from getting home to bed. It’s not every night because she has clubs on other nights.

OP posts:
Rory17384949 · 04/09/2024 20:28

I think it's quite late at 11 on a school night! I would be saying 6 in time for dinner

TheTigerWhoCameToEatMyArsehole · 04/09/2024 20:29

Tell her she should count herself lucky. Mine goes to bed at 8, or she is a nightmare the next day and can't concentrate. Phones gone at half 6 so she can switch off.

Homesweethome23 · 04/09/2024 20:29

my 14 year old isn’t allowed out on a school night.

MintGlitter · 04/09/2024 20:29

Depends where they are.

7pm would maybe be okay as a one off if at a friend's house, but I have my DD home by 6pm on a school night.

I wouldn't be too worried whether an 11yo thinks you're unreasonable though.

waterrat · 04/09/2024 20:32

A 14 year old who can't go out on a warm light evening ?? Is that for real ?

Op ...this whole thread shows me why kids nowadays are so unhappy. They are constricted all day at school...barely any breaktime in the secondary school day. Then they are expected to sit about in the house from 5 or 6 when it's light until 8.

This is madness. I literally make my 12 year old go to the park. He only gets gaming time if he goes out after ...or before...to run about.

Rory17384949 · 04/09/2024 20:32

On a weekend or holiday when it's light outside then 7 or even 8 is completely fine.

My 9 year old goes to bed around 8.30pm on a school night. 13 year old around 10-10.30pm so I think 9pm bedtime is fine at 11

LittleMissFuckUp · 04/09/2024 20:34

My 8 year old can play out til 7/7.30 🤷🏻‍♀️

Granted they're all just playing on the estate but considering we get home between 5.45 and 6 and her shower/bed/reading starts around 8 I can't get worked up about it.

Talking to other parents and reading on here it seems really unusual that we let the kids roam like we used to back in the day round here.

AppropriateAdult · 04/09/2024 20:35

I'm surprised at most of the answers here, as generally we'd be considered to be on the stricter side when it comes to parenting. My 10yo plays out on the street, or in the park at the end of the road, most evenings, and she'd come in at 9pm over the summer. We've brought that back now to 8:30 as she's back at school and it's getting dark earlier. She pops in and out all evening, comes in for dinner around 6pm and then goes out again for another couple of hours. I'm delighted for her to spend so much time physically active with other kids, I think it's really important. We're in Ireland, though - maybe the tradition of kids playing outside in suburban areas is just more common here?