Telling a 11 year old to be home at 7

[FreshStart2025]

Recently started secondary school, enjoying the new found freedom with friends. I think it’s reasonable to be home at 7pm for dinner, homework, shower and to chill before bed at 9pm.

She thinks this is totally unreasonable.

How does everyone manage children playing out on a school night?

yabu - Let her stay out later
yanbu - 7pm is late enough

But where do kids develop their social skills? I'm after school activities they are doing "stuff", supervised by adults. At school they are supervised. At home they are supervised.
how and when and where do they learn to related to each other unfettered, how to start to assess and take risk, how to recognise danger, to develop difference persona depending on whom they are talking to, to relate in a more adult way, how to relate to the opposite sex, how to...well grow up?

Up thread someone said their kid had never been anywhere alone...how will they cope when they are alone as an adult?

I’d have found 7pm way too early when I was 11. But none of my 3 kids went out to play / hang around parks / the streets. I am glad as I know what we got up to, and I regularly see bunches of teens and pre teens getting up to no good in my old town. I had a great time growing up and I am glad I was able to enjoy my childhood / teen years and I do sometimes feel sorry my kids didn’t get to have as much freedom. But around here kids don’t tend to hang around as much. It is nice though to spend time with friends after school, I do wish my daughter (16) would do some structured meet ups with friends on the weekend instead of constant school work.

Stick to 7pm, it’s late enough for an 11yr old and you don’t want her out when it’s getting dark

7.30pm bedtime for an 11yr old is bonkers.

So they aren't allowed to see friends out of school unless they happen to go to the same activity club? That sounds rather depressing for secondary school children.

7.30pm bedtime for an 11yr old is bonkers.

Depends what time they are getting up.

NHS recommends 9-12 hours sleep for children of that age. 7.30 up to bed, Allow half an hour for teeth cleaning, bedtime story, settling down to sleep. For a child that needs to be up around 7, 7.30 bedtime is fine.

So they aren't allowed to see friends out of school unless they happen to go to the same activity club? That sounds rather depressing for secondary school children.

I rarely saw friends out of school. I spent 6 hours a day with them, that was enough.

It wasn't depressing at all. Kids nowadays are still in contact with friends at the end of a day.

Not the chidren of the poster I quoted. They engage in family activities, music practice or reading for pleasure or go to scheduled clubs.

Of course it's fine if you don't want to see your friends out of school. But to not be able to do because you have to come straight home and do your homework, sounds rather controlling for secondary school children.

But to not be able to do because you have to come straight home and do your homework, sounds rather controlling for secondary school children.

Yeah that was pretty much my life. There was no option to see friends after school. It was absolutely fine.

@BoredZelda

The vast majority of 11 year olds do not need 12 hours’ sleep. I suspect the parents who insist on this simply want them in bed out of the way.

Its pretty normal for children who need to use school buses to have to go straight home from school.

My DD doesn't hang out with friends after school as they all live in different villages... they meet before school, they hang out at break and lunch, they do a club together after school... then go home. But have been together 8-4pm by that point!

Bedtime story for an 11 year old secondary school child??

Bedtime story for an 11 year old secondary school child??

Yep. My daughter and I were reading our way through pratchett's discworld at that point. Sometimes she read, sometimes I did. She's 15 now and just the other day asked if we could finish the one we left half read a couple of years ago.

That time together is really precious for us.

The vast majority of 11 year olds do not need 12 hours’ sleep. I suspect the parents who insist on this simply want them in bed out of the way.

And yet it remains the recommendation by the NHS.

Mine definitely wasn't firing on all pistons if she only got 9 hours sleep.

Just as with adults, we've forgotten what good sleep health looks like.

Ds is 15. At weekends and school holidays he stays up later than me. I need to be asleep by 11, ideally, as I'm up at 6. He can't fall asleep and earlier regardless of lights out. I was the same at his age. It was the reason I was able to go out on the lash on Fridays at 16/17 and still get up for work on Saturday.

Oh for goodness sake! 🙄

There are two McDonalds within a 5 minute walk of my house. Plus any other big chain fast food, coffee shop, etc you can think of. My kids would never have to walk 2 miles to get to anything.

3.30-5.00 gives her an hour and a half to do all of those things. Often she’s home way before that anyway. Why would she want to wander the streets in her school uniform for hours?

@StolenChanel = I think there is a misunderstanding here. Those of us who have children out at 6 / 7pm are allowing them to play in parks which we know - with friends that we know. No children are 'wandering the streets for hours'.

@BoredZelda

There is paying heed to NHS guidelines and then there is slavish devotion to them regardless of the needs or preferences of the individual DC. The vast majority of 11 year olds do not need it have 12 hours’ sleep.

Imo the culture in the UK of sending DC to bed at 7pm in the summer is absolutely crazy and is definitely one of the reasons we have the adolescent happiness in Europe.

Meanwhile in Spain DC are out and about with family and friends getting fresh air and exercise in the evenings. We were in a restaurant the other week in Southern Spain and saw a succession of prams arrive after 10pm on a Monday night. Socios services would be called if that happened here!

Meanwhile Spain has the third highest adolescent life satisfaction in Europe despite the U.K. being wealthier. The reason is quite clear to me.

My 8 year old can be out until about half past 7 as well.

Home from school, a bit of homework done, dinner then out to play while it's still light at night.

Very normal for where we are. All the kids are out playing. I feel sorry for the kids on here who aren't allowed out to play.

The people I chose to spend my spare time in teen years remain life long friends, more than those I went to school with. We learnt sports and other activities together, trained and pursued activities for years. And I see the same happening with my kids.

7pm is way too late! Where is she all this time? She’s at a friends house then maybe, but if she’s hanging around the streets or in a park somewhere that would be a definite no no for me.