Telling a 11 year old to be home at 7

[FreshStart2025]

Recently started secondary school, enjoying the new found freedom with friends. I think it’s reasonable to be home at 7pm for dinner, homework, shower and to chill before bed at 9pm.

She thinks this is totally unreasonable.

How does everyone manage children playing out on a school night?

yabu - Let her stay out later
yanbu - 7pm is late enough

Going to the park to play football etc is very different to just going there to "hang out". And it isn't just 11 year olds who could be there, that would be my main worry.

Our rule was they let us know if they weren't going to be home by 4pm (school finished at 3pm) and then had to be home by dark or dinner, whichever was earlier.

I think 7pm is fine at the moment if there is no homework to do. Presumably it will naturally get earlier as the light draws in? At this early stage of the term, this would just be a continuation of what they'd been doing over the summer holidays though.

My 12 year old is allowed out till it gets dark.

That's 830pm just now.

At 11 I used to get mine in for tea around 5.30, they'd then be allowed back out until pretty much bedtime so 8ish or a bit later (earlier in the winter when it's dark) but they weren't just roaming around they were in the streets/park nearby or at friends houses. I'm quite surprised at the responses to be honest, why aren't we allowing children out to get fresh air/socialise?

Whaaaaaaa?! Cant believe that unless there's some massive back story.

Presumably OP knows her own local park?

There is a park outside our local secondary school where a lot of the students hang around after school. It's also widely used by the local community. Drug addicts would get moved on sharpish.

5:30/6;00 on a school night and eat after homework here

Ridiculous!

Gosh, really?

Outside getting fresh air.

Each to their own like I said.

I don’t judge other parents with what time they allow their kids out to.

Yep! It's literally your job to be mean. Also, to embarrass your children, as I pointed out to DD in public which the people next to us heartily agreed with.

7pm is fine for am 11 year old.

Maybe a bit late in winter and a bit early in summer but overall it's a good time to be in.

I can't believe some of these replies.

A 14yr old not allowed out? That's madness.

There's a huge middle ground between stifling a child's life or letting them run wild without knowing where they are.

My youngest is 13. He's out until about 8/8.30pm in summer. He's at the park or sports field, the beach or the skatepark, bike riding around the estuary or catching a bus to the next suburb over to go late night shopping at the mall.

I know where he is at all times and who he is with. He's never missed curfew.

He does have to be back earlier in winter when it gets darker earlier. But can also stay out later if there is a pre planned activity (cinema, bowling etc)

But then I've tried to bring mine up to be responsible and sensible and trustworthy so I can allow these things. I think 11 is a good age for starting to allow more responsibility and independence.

sounds like an army boot camp. Poor kids.

I think that's sensible and about right

At home on their own (as is the case for many secondary school children)?

At home with people known to them (statistically more likely to abuse them)?

At home on their phone accessing social media (with parents who haven't yet got a handle of what their growing DC has access to)?

In local park playing football with their friends in broad daylight?

Can you enlighten me as to the answer?

Ha! Far from it!!

Parents, who don’t release the reins a bit tend to run into difficulties when their dcs get a little older.

Eleven year olds need their sleep, especially when she has just started secondary. It can be more tiring than primary school.
Seven would be too late for me (when mine were that age). Besides, you are the parent and you get to decide what time you want her home.

Genuinely not a class thing in our case, we're fairly firmly middle class, as are most of the neighbouring kids she hangs out with.

But it's a slightly different scenario if it's a child not returning home at all after school until 7pm or later - I would definitely want her to check in, be fed and have all homework done before allowing her out again to play. At 10 she's generally in sight of the house, or in a few specific other locations where I could always track her down within 5 minutes if necessary. Certainly not 'running wild'

Latest 16:30 for mine. school finishes at 3:30 allow time for 2 buses then straight home

7pm is fine for year 7. And it’ll start getting dark earlier soon.

We also had/have an open house policy in that my daughter’s friends could come over whenever as long as they were gone/picked up by a decent time. Helped get to know who she was hanging out with and I knew they were safe in our house. It worked well til covid hit halfway through year 7 and bollocksed that for a while.

Not allowing a kid of 14 out in the evenings is one of the most stupid things I have read on here.

I would NEVER have been allowed out this late at 11. I guess you deal with it the same way you enforce any rule with her. Now's not the time to start wavering. They're like sharks at that age.

Have you read my other posts? They have had a brilliant summer and go out at weekends! They are not locked in a cupboard as soon as they get in from school!
They are out of the house from 7:30am until gone 6pm nearly every school night. They come home to do homework eat and shower!

They have a great social life!