Telling a 11 year old to be home at 7

[FreshStart2025]

Recently started secondary school, enjoying the new found freedom with friends. I think it’s reasonable to be home at 7pm for dinner, homework, shower and to chill before bed at 9pm.

She thinks this is totally unreasonable.

How does everyone manage children playing out on a school night?

yabu - Let her stay out later
yanbu - 7pm is late enough

I never let DS out at all after school at that age, only at weekends in the day.

I live in an awful area though which influenced decisions I had to make.

i completely agree with you.

If it’s a safe area and it’s still light with other kids her age you know then 7 is fine.
I have two 12 year olds and we live in a very safe area with a couple of lovely spaces to play football etc. my two are allowed out until dark and contactable by phone.
On school nights they are often too tired but if they did want to go out and they didn’t have homework to do then 7 would be ok. It’s going to get dark earlier soon so might as well make the most of it.
I feel sorry for those kids who perhaps don’t live in nice areas where there are safe places to play and safe kids (known to you) to knock and go out with - either with a football or on a bike.

To the PP who has a 9 year old- huuuge difference between being in y4 or 5 and being in year 7. Huge.

@waterrat actually........ yes I agree with you - on a warm sunny evening, that makes sense. Particularly playing football, riding bikes, playing in the park etc. Definitely better than being at home on screens.
Genuine moving about activity yes Im all for that. Hanging about with friends just to chat or play/watch screens not so much.
What about when it gets dark at 5/6pm?

When I was this age we'd have a minimum of 4 subject lessons at school each day and each of them gave us homework. If children are playing out in the evenings, when does this get done? This is a genuine question...I'm really hoping it means kids get less homework these days!

I think in winter yes but in summer I would more say 8pm it's light their with other kids their close by if anything happens I don't see the big deal

Why not? Genuinely why not? Do they have loads of homework each night? Why can’t they go out for an hour if they are caught up with homework and it’s a nice summer evening after school?

My kids last year in y7 could complete all their homework in an hour at the weekend and an hour in the week. This is from a school which is renowned for giving out a fair bit of homework.
Sometimes lots of short pieces. If they crack on with it, it actually doesn’t take too long.

Ds(12) had his first day back at school today, came home and asked if he could go to the field behind the park - I said he could but to be home by 7. The park is about a mile away, I dropped him and 3 friends there.
Soon it will be too dark to stay out kicking a ball around a field until 7 so I’m very happy for him to get the exercise in and also to have some social time with some friends he hasn’t seen for ages.
i had his dinner ready for when he got home, he had a shower and got his bag ready for school tomorrow and was in bed at 9 reading. Plenty of time!
He only does football outside of school (cricket in the summer), no other clubs and homework won’t start until next week.

They are out of the house nearly 11 hours of the day. They do clubs most evenings and then home to do homework/shower/eat. By the time that is all done it’s gone 9pm. Weekends and holidays they can spend time out.

I think secondary school is a massive change to primary school. She is a lot more independent, travelling further to school etc.

2 hours seems enough to have dinner, homework and shower. Ideally, better to eat earlier though. She did come home after school, drop off her bag etc.

9pm is perfectly fine for bedtime, she can read in bed if she wants to.

Guess all change soon anyway when it gets dark.

Was so glad to see this.

I'm shocked people think 7pm is late for a year 7?

Mine started school today and was out with friends till 8pm. In the holidays it was 8.30/8.45?

Sje hasn't got homework yet, 7pm seems too early but I do live in a small village. May well be different in a town. Most kids here have a 8pm curfew now.

This is so dependent on where you live. On a sunny evening at this time of year every primary age child in our street is out playing until 7/8pm. My kids tend to have clubs after school and then dinner and play out after dinner in the summer. By 11/12 my dd was allowed out until 8 on a school night and 9 at weekends as long as she was somewhere sensible, my dd2 is 10 now and pretty much has the same rules. I hate the winter when they are stuck inside all the time, it seems so unnatural for kids not to have freedom to play!

Where I live the kids just roam and cause bother. It’s obviously different for everyone but I wouldn’t trust my child being out past a certain time. So because they aren’t roaming the streets means they will sit at home and watch telly? There are plenty of sports and social activities that kids can get into but some parents just cba to take them.

I think if they have to shower, eat and do homework all after 7pm, it's a bit of a squeeze. Mine aren't in any frame of mind to do homework after 7pm.

This thread is a real eye opener. The best thing my 8 year old has done is started playing out. I made 1 tree swing 3 months ago & seeing her & the other kids (boys/girls) going from fighting & sulking over whose turn it is to now all being the voice of reason/sharing & thinking of ways to fairly decide turns is amazing.

She’s changed beyond recognition in the last few months, Every part of her personality & social skills are improving, She’s not timid/scared. She’s looking at things in a much more selfless & grown up way.

She’s an only child & it’s great practice to be in a group of boys/girls all navigating playing out/falling out.

She sleeps like a dream, is now super confident. Fresh air, being off screens & being out of the house imo is as important as school & clubs.

where I live most children (mine included) do extra curricular activities most nights, one because they love them but two because it gives them something to do.

If my children go to the park they are always supervised. That is just our norm and the norm of parents around where I live. I’ve never seen young children at the park unsupervised unless they are teenagers and they are ‘hanging’ about.

Each to their own, but my 11 yo wouldn’t be allowed a daily curfew of 7pm, if something was pre-arranged that’s different but just to leave the house at 4 (let’s say) and return at 7 without any concrete plans, is unheard of in my circle. Maybe it has a lot to do with areas as we live in a big city, not a quiet little town.

I think 7-8 for 11yo sounds about right if there is no hobbies that night. Maybe later on a non-school night if theyre in the neighbourhood where you can tell where they are and not freeroaming. 9pm bedtime sounds quite early but if that's what you do then fair enough.

I have to add....opps, started secondary!

All perfectly happy until he gets to uni! We could tell without asking which freshers had ridiculously strict parents 😂

I’m surprised at the early bedtimes. Mine don’t play out because friends don’t live close enough or they have things on. They walk a 2 mile busy route from school. Have an hour to eat & get ready & then basically leave around 5pm for clubs getting home 7.30-9pm depending on the club, every night, then faff around and go to bed an hour after then get in, between 8.30-10pm. We can’t have a bedtime as the clubs are going later and later as they get older (11 & 12). When it was summer etc, I wanted them home before dark; they’d often be in the park playing manhunt. At the weekends they’re allowed around 2 mile radius of the house which includes a number of parks and shops and friends. I’m also surprised at all the homework reported on here. Ours get barely any, nothing that couldn’t be done in 10 mins. Both go to a very good school.

I’m with you. 👍

Of course she thinks it’s unreasonable!
Because she’s an eleven year old CHILD
not a fully grown mature adult parent.

Hardly strict when he is out weekends and school holidays. Not a ridiculously strict parent at all.

I wish I had this problem! Mine are 11 and 13, and we live in a very small, safe town where all the kids are at high school together and know each other. But neither of them have friendship groups who do anything after school, or even at weekends. It's really dull and I feel a bit sorry for them!

They do both have lots to do but it's all very organised.

This. She's 11. You're the parent