For putting my foot down about DM's dog

[OhMyGodAChicken]

I'll preface this post by saying I'm not really a dog person. I like them well enough, grew up with them, and fuss on friends' pets, but I don't want one for myself. DM is convinced I hate dogs, most especially hers.

The latest situation culminated in her sloping off home from ours, where she's been staying (with dog), last night in a huff.

DM's life centres on this dog. She lives alone with him and he provides her with company and a reason to get out and about to meet people.

However, there's a list of his "requirements" (not sure how many are real, how many have been created by DM, and how many are just DM's claims) that makes it really hard work having him to stay with her - or actually doing anything much.

• He will only eat rotisserie chicken from the supermarket. It has to be served on the floor as he's "scared" of dishes.

• Likewise, he will only drink water from a glass, and it has to be refreshed three times a day. I've seen him gobble up cat food and water from my pets' dishes, and he eats literal shit when out on walks.

• He has to sleep in the bed with DM, so any bedding I put on the guest bed, I have to be happy for the dog to sleep in.

• He doesn't like the car and "can't be left", so any outings have to be short and/or near to DM's, and dog-friendly venues.

• He regularly humps cushions and blankets for 15-20 minutes. After he did it to my sofa cushions, DM brings a blanket he's allowed to hump. She advises my DD not to sit on it in case there's ejaculate on it.

• He licks everything. EVERYTHING. "He's just a licker" - we're talking aggressive licking and slurping carpets, sofas, cushions, DD, the kitchen floor, any furniture he can reach. DM lets him lick between her fingers and toes for 15 minutes at a time.

• He drags his arse along the carpet regularly - "He's clean, he just has allergies and needs to itch."

The problem I'm having is that DM is at the point where she feels it's unfair for her dog to have to change any routines/behaviours when he's here. She locks my cats in the lounge because he chases them, serves his meals on the kitchen floor, allows him to chew and lick anything he pleases, and gets extremely defensive and angry if DD or I tell him to stop.

Yday evening, I was getting to my wit's end with it. He'd chased the cats twice, wouldn't stop licking anything and everything, and was dragging his arse across the lounge floor.

Any look or comment was met with barely contained fury by DM, who eventually (because I'd literally turned my head to look at what the slurping noise in the middle of the kitchen floor was) said "Fine, if you won't stop going on about it, I'll take him home - come on, [DDog]."

I pointed out that I didn't think it was unreasonable to not want him licking everything or scraping his literal arsehole across the carpet repeatedly, but she's in a major huff now and has said she no longer feels comfortable at my home.

AIBU? Are these normal dog behaviours people tolerate in their houses? Is this just to be expected/accepted when a relative comes to stay and won't leave their dog with someone else?

I'm feeling hurt and defensive that DM has prioritised the dog over me and DD (as it feels to me) but she's obviously hurt too. Would welcome any outside perspectives on this.

I have a pooch that I am besotted with, but this would be too much for me!! To add to others,

Excessive licking - sounds like trying to self-soothe when stressed, so perhaps a good excuse not to have the dog at yours if it is stressing the poor thing out?

bum scraping - not normal so needs checking out

humping/ejaculating (!) - could be “fixed”

the chicken - nuts and not balanced diet

snarling and growling with something in the gob - this is resource guarding and is not ok to let slide. There needs to be training/ exchange for things to be given up. It’s not safe for that behaviour to continue and if left unchecked will escalate. The more “wins” the dog has with resource guarding, the more tricky it is to break.

generally it sounds like she loves the dog, but is loving it In completely the wrong way!

What type of dog is it?

Your post is positively vomit inducing!

I would never, ever have that in my house!

He's a Chorkie (Chihuahua x Yorkie) - small, shivery thing with bulbous eyes, constantly trembling, hissing, pestering to be fussed.

I know he sounds like a bit of a shit-hound - he's a sweet dog at heart, I think, just raised in the most ridiculous way. I don't hold out much hope for DM changing her ways, but I feel better about putting my foot down now.

To PPs who've asked about walks/exercise: he gets three walks a day, often when he's absolutely exhausted.

He frequently refuses to walk after a certain point and has to be carried home in DM's arms. They do socialise with other dogs/owners, which apparently he enjoys/mostly has no issue with.

I definitely agree with PPs who've said he must be living in a state of constant stress/unresolved anxiety - DM says it's "doggie ADHD."

I'd stick to visiting her house and outings. Blame the cats.

I am a dog boarder, I wouldn't board this dog. Your DM is an owner that is treating the dog like it's her child instead of an animal that needs training.

Ew. I wouldn't have the dog in my home at all. Your DM's expectations aren't compatible with basic standards of comfort and hygiene.

Who on earth has voted OP is being unreasonable?!?

op’s mother needs to get a grip and the dog sounds gross.

Perhaps DDog and DM have joined Mumsnet without me knowing?!

Wow, I have always had dogs and would absolutely not tolerate this!

A chicken only diet is not balanced in anyway and will not be at all healthy for him. Chicken is top of the list when it comes to food allergens in dogs so if he’s generally itchy this could be the cause. The whole “he will only eat” is rubbish and of her making, as a general rule dogs won’t let themselves starve so persistence will get them eating pretty much anything.

The bum scooting sounds like his anal glands need emptying, he’s doing this because he’s uncomfortable.

The licking is gross, I hate licking! The extent of it sounds like a behavioural issue, under stimulation / over anxious behaviour that needs addressing not encouraging.

The humping could be improved with training using distraction techniques, the problem is the longer he's been allowed to do it and form a habbit the harder it will be to break.

Lots of people sleep with their dog on the bed myself included so thats not one I could get too wound up about, just keep a set of bedding just for them or better still stop having them stay because the other behaviours are so gross and annoying!

I love dogs but this is completely insane behaviour.

He sounds like he's just poorly trained.

I would absolutely not allow him in my home. I have a cat and we have a strict no dogs blanket policy. MIL has a dog and he's lovely, but we don't have any dogs in our home at all, it's not fair on our cat.

All of these requirements are mental and your mum has allowed/caused them.

"Dragging its arsehole over my carpet" 😂😂😂.

I love dogs, and own one, but couldn't stand your mums dogs behaviour! YANBU

This is awful, the poor dog. I cannot STAND owners who think they’re the bees knees because they fuss and baby dogs… all the while doing a whole list of things which show they’re absolutely neglectful 😡 Your mum is a really poor dog owner - no wonder the dog is licking excessively, it’s probably stressed and anxious. Poor diet. No training. Poor health (glands need sorting immediately!) as a result of poor diet. Stress aggression as no boundaries or training that it can understand. Not even the vaguest response to its actual needs (the walking situation sounds awful, does she just treat it like a toy? Does she even SEE when it’s tired or unhappy?!)

I’d let her sulk as much as she likes and have no problem in telling her how much she’s mistreating the dog, and that you don’t want to see it anymore. She needs to read up on diet, engage a trainer, and do better by the poor little thing.

Oh and good luck expecting other people to work their cats and kids around its random bitey moments - sounds like a PTS ending waiting to happen, and that too would be entirely your mums fault!

Honestly, I thought I was going mad last night - I'd left the lounge because the slurping/dragging/chewing noises were driving me spare.

I'm doing the dishes and I hear more slurping. I turn and DDog is frantically licking a huge wet patch on to the wood floor. DM, who's followed me out, sees me turn and goes, "Oh, what's he done NOW?"

I said, "He's licking the floor again," and that was it.

"RIGHT, come on, Ddog, I'll take you home!"

I said, "I don't think I'm being massively unreasonable not wanting him to lick everything and drag his literal bumhole across my lounge carpet, come on."

[Cuts to DM angrily packing her suitcase]

🙄

She did you a favour.

I reckon she's defensive because she knows this is all awful and she's embarrassed. She probably needs some good advice, but God only knows how you could go about giving it to her, because her defensiveness means she definitely won't listen!

When she said she was taking the dog home, I hope you agreed that it was best for everyone. The dog is obviously her world and she is spoiling it rotten, but it isn't your world and you don't have to pander to her ridiculous demands. Eating off the floor is really grim - of course the dog isn't 'scared' of dishes, if its hungry it will eat from a dish.
Put your cats first - they are your priority, not some over indulged pet that has been infantised by your DM.

You 100% are not unreasonable. Your mum
is! This dog sounds absolutely disgusting, and her enabling behaviour would make me irate. I would absolutely ban the dog from my home as it is such an inconvenience (thinking of the people and the cats!) and is quite unhygienic too!

Vile

I did, thank you. I didn't argue, just said OK, and helped her find anything she needed to take with her. We both pretended we weren't pissed off, and I didn't beg her to reconsider or stay, which is what I think she was hoping for.

It felt like a power play, and it wasn't one I wanted to give in to.

Yanbu. Your mum is very very unreasonable. I wouldn't let her in my house with the dog. Her choice. Visit without it or don't visit at all.

She lets him lick her toes for 15 minutes at a time? That honestly made me heave. Sounds like she has very weird feelings towards the dog. Weird.

People can have their dog sleeping with them in their own house but in my house the dog wouldn't be allowed upstairs never mind on a bed.

Sounds almost exactly like MIL's dog. We had to look after him while she was in hospital for a while, and got the list of demands.

After two days spent with our dogs, he was a) happier than he'd ever been, b) healthier than he'd ever been and c) acting like a normal dog, happily eating dog food rather than the packets of ham and chicken he apparently couldn't live without (which, incidentally, were the reason he had major heart problems).

When she got him back, she complained bitterly that we'd ruined him...but, funnily enough, he was no longer snapping at everybody and he was actually running around instead of just lying on the bed all day.

Honestly, it does the same to me.

Loud, wet slurp-slurp-slurp sounds - her arms, legs, between her toes, and between her fingers. She always wears flip-flops, so she lets him.

It really turns my stomach (and DD's), but if we ever say "DDog, please stop!", DM gets super pissed.