For putting my foot down about DM's dog

[OhMyGodAChicken]

I'll preface this post by saying I'm not really a dog person. I like them well enough, grew up with them, and fuss on friends' pets, but I don't want one for myself. DM is convinced I hate dogs, most especially hers.

The latest situation culminated in her sloping off home from ours, where she's been staying (with dog), last night in a huff.

DM's life centres on this dog. She lives alone with him and he provides her with company and a reason to get out and about to meet people.

However, there's a list of his "requirements" (not sure how many are real, how many have been created by DM, and how many are just DM's claims) that makes it really hard work having him to stay with her - or actually doing anything much.

• He will only eat rotisserie chicken from the supermarket. It has to be served on the floor as he's "scared" of dishes.

• Likewise, he will only drink water from a glass, and it has to be refreshed three times a day. I've seen him gobble up cat food and water from my pets' dishes, and he eats literal shit when out on walks.

• He has to sleep in the bed with DM, so any bedding I put on the guest bed, I have to be happy for the dog to sleep in.

• He doesn't like the car and "can't be left", so any outings have to be short and/or near to DM's, and dog-friendly venues.

• He regularly humps cushions and blankets for 15-20 minutes. After he did it to my sofa cushions, DM brings a blanket he's allowed to hump. She advises my DD not to sit on it in case there's ejaculate on it.

• He licks everything. EVERYTHING. "He's just a licker" - we're talking aggressive licking and slurping carpets, sofas, cushions, DD, the kitchen floor, any furniture he can reach. DM lets him lick between her fingers and toes for 15 minutes at a time.

• He drags his arse along the carpet regularly - "He's clean, he just has allergies and needs to itch."

The problem I'm having is that DM is at the point where she feels it's unfair for her dog to have to change any routines/behaviours when he's here. She locks my cats in the lounge because he chases them, serves his meals on the kitchen floor, allows him to chew and lick anything he pleases, and gets extremely defensive and angry if DD or I tell him to stop.

Yday evening, I was getting to my wit's end with it. He'd chased the cats twice, wouldn't stop licking anything and everything, and was dragging his arse across the lounge floor.

Any look or comment was met with barely contained fury by DM, who eventually (because I'd literally turned my head to look at what the slurping noise in the middle of the kitchen floor was) said "Fine, if you won't stop going on about it, I'll take him home - come on, [DDog]."

I pointed out that I didn't think it was unreasonable to not want him licking everything or scraping his literal arsehole across the carpet repeatedly, but she's in a major huff now and has said she no longer feels comfortable at my home.

AIBU? Are these normal dog behaviours people tolerate in their houses? Is this just to be expected/accepted when a relative comes to stay and won't leave their dog with someone else?

I'm feeling hurt and defensive that DM has prioritised the dog over me and DD (as it feels to me) but she's obviously hurt too. Would welcome any outside perspectives on this.

Oh god that poor dog.
No point in me rehashing the other PPs great points. But rotisserie chicken is so highly seasoned, I am surprised the dog does not have pancreatitis.

The dog probably feels physically unwell from his diet, and on edge, feeding off your mum’s own anxiety.

I have heard of canine adhd, but that would typically be a diagnosis from a professional behaviourist, and it does not sound as if the dog has seen one of those.

God, that's the dream. When DM's been in hospital (for ongoing health issues), the dog's gone to a sitter because I can't cope with him and his list of demands.

Problem is, the sitters are all given extensive lists of his "needs" and pander to it - they're not professionals, though, just friends who'll help out for a bit of spare cash.

Your mother needs to take dog to vet for thorough check over especially sound like he has worms and needs anal glands drained.- he is actually not being properly looked after.

Ugh! I would consider myself a massive dog lover but those last three points... 🤢

This reminds me of going with my two cousins (all early teens/preteens) to stay with my aunty for a few days. Her dog was her BABY. We weren't allowed to eat in the house and had to take our dinner plates/snacks etc out to the garden shed (it was January and freezing cold) as it was 'upsetting DDog' and God forbid he be kept in a different room - 'this is his home and he'll be so hurt if he's excluded from any part of it!'. Oh and we had to sit on the floor if 'DDog' decided he wanted the sofa - even if there was room for us we had to allow him space to stretch out should he want to. If we were already on the sofa we had to get off if he showed any interest in sitting there.

Luckily we didn't have the humping or arse scratching but he did continuously thrust his nose into my and my female cousin's crotches - quite disconcerting for two 13 year old pubescent girls! Apparently 'it's just DDog being friendly/saying hello' and we weren't allowed to push him away - not that I would have had the confidence to anyway, he was a big hulking thing of indeterminate breed with zero training or socialisation.

Funnily enough we didn't return after that trip despite our aunty inviting us! Still laugh about it together now.

I'd stick to visiting your mum's house, at least then you can decide when to leave if it gets too much (and don't get arse residue, saliva and 'ejaculate' 🤢🤢🤢 all over your home!).

Your mother is neglecting the dog and actively damaging it's health. She's making it miss out on all of these essential nutrients:
Folate
Riboflavin
Thiamin
Vitamin A
Vitamin B-12
Vitamin E
Vitamin D
Calcium
Chloride
Copper
Iodine
Iron
Manganese
Potassium
Zinc

There's no excuse that justifies her actions. The lack of training is pathetic and will be stressing the dog in various scenarios, the deprivation of basic nutrition is abuse.

People have all sorts of weird tolerances for their own pets - but actually ejaculating on furniture + the arse dragging are completely beyond the pale. Absolutely not ok. I’m not sure I’d want to go to her house either if the dog’s allowed to do that there.

🤢 Massive sympathies to you for having to endure a holiday with crotch-dog. I honestly think some people lose the plot when they get a pet.

YANBU. If you wanted dog secretions (anal, saliva, and literal ejaculate) everywhere you'd have a dog. I feel a bit sick.

The chicken will be why his glands are blocked - not enough fibre to clear them out.

DM just doesn't seem to get it - she and DDog were sitting on the leather sofa, and there was a wet patch of about 20cm x 20cm where he was just licking and licking at it.

And then DM had the nerve to huffily clean it up with a tissue and go, "WELL, I cleaned your sofa for you!" and show me the dirty tissue, which had picked up a load of the leather polish. She frequently makes little digs about my house not being clean enough/me not cleaning enough.

@OhMyGodAChicken sorry but your post made me laugh with your very honest descriptions - I appreciate it's not funny for you though, and YANBU at all. The poor dog is actually suffering because she's treating it like a cross between a human and a cuddly toy instead of as a dog.

@OhMyGodAChicken

he shouldn’t be on your sofa in the first place.

a dog is a dog, their place is on the floor.

That sounds disgusting though I wouldn't let a dog in my house at all and definitely not on beds

The situation had crept up on me, I think: every time she brings him round, she's that little bit less considerate so it's been a gradual change. Reading it all back, though, it's so ridiculous - definitely fair enough to have a horrified giggle at it!

No just no!!!!! I have a dog, I love dogs but this is horrifying! I wouldn't have this dog in my house either and your mother is a terrible dog owner!

Let me guess, its a cockapoo?

Chihuahua/Yorkie cross.

Dog would never have been allowed in my house. Like Ever.

It's my house. My kids, My furniture. My cats.

No dogs.

End of.

She can stay at her own house with the dog then.

The trouble I'm having is that she has significant health issues and is likely to need to stay with me again in future.

And she's so stubborn about this dog - and has made such a rod for her own back - I can see her staying at home, really poorly, because she can't/won't leave him.

That's the only reason I've had him to stay thus far.

Who the hell thought a Yorkie chihuahua cross was a good idea? No wonder it's neurotic

Still not your problem to solve.

The dog is not welcome.

She is.

Her decision to make.

She sounds like my mum who has used her dog as an excuse to become more and more socially isolated over the past few years. She's too ill to travel now, but hasn't been to see me in 10 years because of various dogs... She won't give her dog anything hard to eat in case it chokes - as a result dog's teeth/breath is appalling. She doesn't walk dog regularly (even when she was well) so it's overweight. However she does get it groomed regularly and is never away from the vet.

I’m a huge dog lover (we have two) and this would do my head in.

The dog scoots because its anal glands are full and it needs a visit to the vet. The blanket is beyond disgusting. 🤢

You must tell her that dog is banned from your home permanently. Revolting behaviour from the pair of them.

Put it in a dog crate.