For putting my foot down about DM's dog

[OhMyGodAChicken]

I'll preface this post by saying I'm not really a dog person. I like them well enough, grew up with them, and fuss on friends' pets, but I don't want one for myself. DM is convinced I hate dogs, most especially hers.

The latest situation culminated in her sloping off home from ours, where she's been staying (with dog), last night in a huff.

DM's life centres on this dog. She lives alone with him and he provides her with company and a reason to get out and about to meet people.

However, there's a list of his "requirements" (not sure how many are real, how many have been created by DM, and how many are just DM's claims) that makes it really hard work having him to stay with her - or actually doing anything much.

• He will only eat rotisserie chicken from the supermarket. It has to be served on the floor as he's "scared" of dishes.

• Likewise, he will only drink water from a glass, and it has to be refreshed three times a day. I've seen him gobble up cat food and water from my pets' dishes, and he eats literal shit when out on walks.

• He has to sleep in the bed with DM, so any bedding I put on the guest bed, I have to be happy for the dog to sleep in.

• He doesn't like the car and "can't be left", so any outings have to be short and/or near to DM's, and dog-friendly venues.

• He regularly humps cushions and blankets for 15-20 minutes. After he did it to my sofa cushions, DM brings a blanket he's allowed to hump. She advises my DD not to sit on it in case there's ejaculate on it.

• He licks everything. EVERYTHING. "He's just a licker" - we're talking aggressive licking and slurping carpets, sofas, cushions, DD, the kitchen floor, any furniture he can reach. DM lets him lick between her fingers and toes for 15 minutes at a time.

• He drags his arse along the carpet regularly - "He's clean, he just has allergies and needs to itch."

The problem I'm having is that DM is at the point where she feels it's unfair for her dog to have to change any routines/behaviours when he's here. She locks my cats in the lounge because he chases them, serves his meals on the kitchen floor, allows him to chew and lick anything he pleases, and gets extremely defensive and angry if DD or I tell him to stop.

Yday evening, I was getting to my wit's end with it. He'd chased the cats twice, wouldn't stop licking anything and everything, and was dragging his arse across the lounge floor.

Any look or comment was met with barely contained fury by DM, who eventually (because I'd literally turned my head to look at what the slurping noise in the middle of the kitchen floor was) said "Fine, if you won't stop going on about it, I'll take him home - come on, [DDog]."

I pointed out that I didn't think it was unreasonable to not want him licking everything or scraping his literal arsehole across the carpet repeatedly, but she's in a major huff now and has said she no longer feels comfortable at my home.

AIBU? Are these normal dog behaviours people tolerate in their houses? Is this just to be expected/accepted when a relative comes to stay and won't leave their dog with someone else?

I'm feeling hurt and defensive that DM has prioritised the dog over me and DD (as it feels to me) but she's obviously hurt too. Would welcome any outside perspectives on this.

In her own house, maybe, but anywhere else, gross. I would hate to stay in someone's guest bed if a dog had been in the bed 😷
YADNBU OP. Sounds grim!

Are these normal dog behaviours people tolerate in their houses? Is this just to be expected/accepted when a relative comes to stay and won't leave their dog with someone else?

All dogs try it on - they're like children, but a firm NO is needed.

He needs his anal glands emptied, the vet showed me how to do it but I couldn't (yuk) so regular trips to the vet were necessary.
Or else he has worms and an itchy backside, which needs sorting.

Does he have tantrums too, if he doesn"t get his own way? That is one pampered pet!!

this Verruca Salt of the dog world
😂😂😂

That made me feel sick to read, never mind to witness/hear.

It's grim beyond belief.

As pp's have already pointed out your DM is not a good owner. The dog needs to see a vet and a behaviourist and needs a much better diet.

She can huff all she wants but to expect other people to tolerate this in their homes is ridiculous.

He house must absolutely stink if every surface is covered in dog dribble/lick.

And allowing the dog to link her hands and feet. Does she wash her hands after this?

As it's a Yorkshire Terrier/Chihuahua cross, something nearer the size of a hamster cage would probably fit. Or an upended shopping basket from Tesco's.

(Joking)

Poor bloody thing, malnourished, constantly scared, overwalked, spends half its time being carried around and the other half itching to hell. And poor, poor bloody cats having it invade their home.

This is what FaceTime was invented for.
So that we didn't have to experience shit like this in real life.
Shudder (and as I shudder my two terriers and one doodle-creature are asleep under the table so I'm no dog-hater).

Based on your accurate last paragraph summary@NeverDropYourMooncup we've got to assume it won't live a long and healthy life. How old is it OP?

Rotisserie chicken on the floor and water from a glass are ridiculous.

Dragging his arse across the floor could need a trip to the vet. Worms can cause it, as can over full anal glands which the vet can deal with.

Dogs in the bed was something I didn't like and never allowed. It's personal choice, perhaps, as some dog owners do like to sleep with theirs and your mother's dog sounds like her main (only) companion and reason for getting out most of the time. Your choice whether to allow it in your house though. Not sure how you'll manage if dog is used to sleeping in your mother's bed at home.

Licking can be very annoying. There are some sprays which you can spray onto things you don't want licked or chewed. The theory is that they taste disgusting to dogs, so deter them. Usually.

One such spray that the trainer at the dog class I used to go to with my old labrador absolutely swore by was bitter apple spray. So I tried it when Mr. Labrador was young and still in the thick of his worst licking and chewing stage. Can you believe it, the fucker LIKED it! So success not guaranteed with that.

Eating shit is common unfortunately and is because dogs are scavengers and will often look for whatever residual nutrition remains. . It's hard to stop once it starts. I managed to stop mine eating his own shit with a change of food (Arden Grange and later on Skinner's Field and Trial). He'd still nibble other dog's shit though occasionally when out if I wasn't quite quick enough to intervene.

Your mother should go to the vet and should get some recommendations for a good local trainer.

Right - I have two dogs and two cats so feel qualified to comment here.

Any dog that chased my cats would never come back to my house. End of.

Sleeping in the bed - eh, some dogs do this, you wash the sheets anyway so I dont see that as major - I would just wash them well. And maybe not use my best sheets on that bed.

As for the chicken on the floor and water out of a glass - I have never heard such bullshit in my life. Its completely bonkers.

The being left in the car - he obviously has separation anxiety and it is unfair of her not to treat it and train him. Dogs need to be able to be left for a while without distress, anything else is unworkable. Not all activities can revolve around dogs, nor should they have to.

The humping and ejaculate - so she is one of those idiots who did not fix their dog? Totally unacceptable. Beyond unacceptable. There are no words for how unacceptable this is. The dog would never come into my home again - unless it had the snip - but it has already been banned due to the cat chasing.

Your MIL needs a serious wake up call. Indulging the dog may make her feel better, but it is not good for him, or fair. She is a bad dog owner.

Absolutely. Plus, all the other stuff is truly vile. I wouldn't allow that dog in the house. I love dogs but would not have that one near me.

You have my heartfelt sympathies OP. It's so hard to be firm about these things when it's family and they make you feel guilty for not feeling the same way they do about their pet. Two of my SIL's have dogs and must assume that I'm ok with them scratching my upholstery to buggery and rubbing their bum holes across the cushions because they have never once asked them to get off my effing sofa. It's as if they simply don't notice stuff like that anymore. And because they're DP's sisters I feel uncomfortable saying anything. DP is a people pleaser and just lets them get on with it. Apparently the people pleasing doesn't extend to me though, his partner of 30 something odd years. We once had a particularly pleasant time trying to remove pure liquid diarrhoea from between our floorboards with a knife and a cloth because SIL failed to mention that one of her dogs had had the squirts for a couple of days. Apparently she didn't want to leave her at home in case she - ya know - had an accident. We've had piss and poo on the rug and a lovely combo of grass and puke on the kitchen mat. Yack. She allows her dogs to do the licking thing too.

Yikes, sounds just like my Mum and her dog!
All of it is insane. I heard a dog expert saying that people are increasingly treating their animals like children. It's so harmful to them, they become so reliant on the human and suffer separation anxiety for even small periods of time. He also said that treating them like children increases jealousy towards actual children and can cause them to attack. I'm surprised so many people think that the bed sleeping is normal, they are dogs . They should have their own bed. Most of the time it's the owner wanting the dog to sleep with them not vice versa.

I love my dog, and I joke she is 'my baby'.
But that means I pay close attention to if she's getting a balanced diet, if she's having trouble with her anal glands, if she's showing stressed behaviours like kicking - I'm actually irritated reading this because your mum is neglecting the dog - she isn't meaning to, but she is!
Also the licking would drive me MAD. And I would never let my dog lick like that in someone else's house! Especially not on the sofa - honestly I'm twitching just thinking about it.

The poor dog, it really needs proper care, including dirt and training

I have to say, my dogs don't like bowls. They really don't.

But I bought canteen trays that I feed them on instead, easy to wash. Feeding them from the floor is gross.

sheer (mostly disgusting) nonsense

I’m not sure I could bear to visit a house where this carry-on is permitted.

I certainly wouldn’t allow it in my house!

The poor dog. Your mum is sadly being an extremely bad owner. A lot of his problems - the excessive licking, skin irritation and bum scooting are likely all down to his poor diet. Dogs often lick when they are deficient of nutrients and minerals from their diet. He is crying out for a diet of proper dog food. You may well find that a lot of his anxiety / behaviour problems will go away or reduce once he feels well from the inside.

He is effectively in an abusive relationship with your DM except she can only see it as her being kind and loving to him.

• He doesn't like the car and "can't be left", so any outings have to be short and/or near to DM's, and dog-friendly venues.

This is the only one I think is reasonable. You can't leave a dog in a car in warm weather as they can overheat. Some dogs also get car sick and hate travelling. My dog had separation issues (he's a rehome) and for a while I couldn't leave him, but I worked really hard to get him so that he's OK being left at home. But it's not fair to leave him more than 4 hours, 6 hours as the absolute max on very very rare occasions.

I feel sorry for the dog. It needs to go to a vet as others have said re scooting its bum and being itchy. The licking is also not normal nor the excessive humping. Its diet is not good (dogs need a mix of stuff) and it doesn't sound happy from your description.

It is reasonable for you to not allow the dog in your home for whatever reason, but it upsetting your cats would be a hard no from me. My dog doesn't go into my friends houses who have cats as its not fair for the cats to feel scared in their own home.

Big sympathies. DM has missed so much over the years because "I need to take DDog out / I'm going on a walk with DDog" - this morning, she's predictably announced via Messenger that she's not coming to my 20wk scan because she has to take him out.

Time to bin them both off, maybe x

"Does she wash her hands after this."

I suspect you already know the answer. No, she does not. She washes her hands after going to the loo and before making food, but otherwise no.

Agree 100%.

I understand as well as I can (I'm a cat person and love my two independent girls) that dogs are a huge source of comfort and support to their owners, and that they're often seen as 'fur-babies' or whatever, but I can't help thinking that the increasingly common trend of treating dogs like children is going to end really poorly, mostly for the dogs.

Thanks again to everyone who took the time to post - particularly the sensible dog owners who have shared some really good information and advice with DDog's wellbeing in mind.

I'll communicate it all to DM when she's stopped seeing her arse, and hopefully DDog will have a happier, healthier life - nowhere near my house 😂

Ewww!
Big dog lover here but that would not be allowed in my house. I'm I'm even sure I'd want to visit hers. That's all sounds absolutely awful and unnecessary. Why would you allow any of that in your house- say no to her, put the dog in the garden.

Did she get the dog during covid? My mum went a bit obsessive about hers during lockdown until I pointed it all out.

Could her health issues be related to her absolutely foul hygiene standards, I'd imagine her house to be an absolute cesspit of germs- poop, saliva, chicken, ejaculated?!

I'd have an honest conversation with her about the dog, this is verging on mental illness.

And no dog would be allowed in bed with anyone in my place, kept to living areas and basic needs met sure fine but seriously she needs to stop

Agree completely that it's gross - it takes a lot for me to keep my mouth shut when she "jokes" about me "never cleaning."

Her health issues are chronic, mostly, so unrelated. I suspect the frequent walks do her health good fortunately/annoyingly, so there's that to be said for DDog.

No, you are absolutely not being unreasonable. He wouldn’t set foot in our house.
Everything else aside, that’s an appalling diet for a dog, poor thing.