For putting my foot down about DM's dog

[OhMyGodAChicken]

I'll preface this post by saying I'm not really a dog person. I like them well enough, grew up with them, and fuss on friends' pets, but I don't want one for myself. DM is convinced I hate dogs, most especially hers.

The latest situation culminated in her sloping off home from ours, where she's been staying (with dog), last night in a huff.

DM's life centres on this dog. She lives alone with him and he provides her with company and a reason to get out and about to meet people.

However, there's a list of his "requirements" (not sure how many are real, how many have been created by DM, and how many are just DM's claims) that makes it really hard work having him to stay with her - or actually doing anything much.

• He will only eat rotisserie chicken from the supermarket. It has to be served on the floor as he's "scared" of dishes.

• Likewise, he will only drink water from a glass, and it has to be refreshed three times a day. I've seen him gobble up cat food and water from my pets' dishes, and he eats literal shit when out on walks.

• He has to sleep in the bed with DM, so any bedding I put on the guest bed, I have to be happy for the dog to sleep in.

• He doesn't like the car and "can't be left", so any outings have to be short and/or near to DM's, and dog-friendly venues.

• He regularly humps cushions and blankets for 15-20 minutes. After he did it to my sofa cushions, DM brings a blanket he's allowed to hump. She advises my DD not to sit on it in case there's ejaculate on it.

• He licks everything. EVERYTHING. "He's just a licker" - we're talking aggressive licking and slurping carpets, sofas, cushions, DD, the kitchen floor, any furniture he can reach. DM lets him lick between her fingers and toes for 15 minutes at a time.

• He drags his arse along the carpet regularly - "He's clean, he just has allergies and needs to itch."

The problem I'm having is that DM is at the point where she feels it's unfair for her dog to have to change any routines/behaviours when he's here. She locks my cats in the lounge because he chases them, serves his meals on the kitchen floor, allows him to chew and lick anything he pleases, and gets extremely defensive and angry if DD or I tell him to stop.

Yday evening, I was getting to my wit's end with it. He'd chased the cats twice, wouldn't stop licking anything and everything, and was dragging his arse across the lounge floor.

Any look or comment was met with barely contained fury by DM, who eventually (because I'd literally turned my head to look at what the slurping noise in the middle of the kitchen floor was) said "Fine, if you won't stop going on about it, I'll take him home - come on, [DDog]."

I pointed out that I didn't think it was unreasonable to not want him licking everything or scraping his literal arsehole across the carpet repeatedly, but she's in a major huff now and has said she no longer feels comfortable at my home.

AIBU? Are these normal dog behaviours people tolerate in their houses? Is this just to be expected/accepted when a relative comes to stay and won't leave their dog with someone else?

I'm feeling hurt and defensive that DM has prioritised the dog over me and DD (as it feels to me) but she's obviously hurt too. Would welcome any outside perspectives on this.

He literally won't sleep unless he's in bed with her - if she so much as nips to the shop when she's here and leaves him, he howls endlessly.

When they stayed over at my DB's, she was told he had to sleep in the kitchen. Both DM and DDog ended up spending the night in her car in protest.

I'd be calling her out about missing your scan - even if she is still sulking.

Is she going to follow basic hygiene rules when holding the baby after it arrives? I'd not be letting a slobbering dog anywhere near a baby! I think you need to have a sit down chat before it arrives.

Yeah, I’ll be needing her to wash her hands before touching baby — she’s also a heavy smoker, so that’s just one more reason.

Bleugh !!!!

Just also wanted to add - the constant licking is often sign of anxiety or tummy ache.
Being fussy with food is a sign of tummy ache in dogs.
I think a huge amount of his behavior is probably centered around health issues i.e. he has allergies or a tummy condition which explains the food/water fussiness, constant licking and bum scooting. (My dog has inflammatory bowel disease confirmed by a biopsy and did all of this before his condition was under control).
If all he eats is chicken, even if he isn't allergic he will be very deficient in essential nutrients.
Lastly the humping is not normal behavior either. That's the sign of a very stressed dog and might even be linked to tummy ache.
You need to explain to your mum that her dog is in pain, and she is doing it a massive disservice. She clearly loves the dog, so she needs to see a vet and tackle these issues.

Sounds just like my mum and based on my experience you will be wasting your time trying to get it to change.

My sister and I have tried for years. To the point I’ve started refusing to go into her house because I can no longer tolerate being jumped all over, scratched, slobbered on, getting covered in hair and ending up stressed when I finally snap to be told it’s only trying to love you!

I pull up in car and wait for her then we go out.

Mums friends have stopped visiting because of it yet still seems she’d rather be isolated than do something to improve it’s behaviour 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm so sorry that's been your experience - I think they sound really similar. There's just no telling them, is there? It's weird, almost cultish behaviour, where the dog is this perfect being who must be accommodated in all ways and situations.

Good on you for setting boundaries and staying out of the space. I'm sorry your DM doesn't give more of a shit x

These are dog issues entirely caused by your ML

Dog wiping it's backside is an anal gland issue, not helped by incorrect feeding (ie constant chicken - although some dogs can be prone to it)

The chicken thing is ridiculous - and probably the reason it has allergies (chicken can commonly cause allergies in dogs)

The water glass is laughable & I would not be using my glasses!

Humping can be because he's excited, not always a sexual hump. Even neutering doesn't always stop this. He needs to be trained.

Being left - sounds like she has created separation anxiety by never leaving him and treating him like a child. Not a lot you can do now as it's a hard habit to break & sounds like she doesn't want to anyway

Sleeping in her bed - up to her in her own home, I'd ask her to bring her own sheets, or bring the dogs bed with her & say he has to sleep downstairs if you don't like it.

Dogs do provide great companionship for people, but problems arise when they are not trained and not treated like an dog, but a small child. Poor thing sounds like he needs a new diet, a vet visit and some training!.

This is mad dog behaviour. I own a dog, who is gorgeous but can be a bit much, and it’s my job to manage that so he doesn’t put others out, especially if I’m being hosted!!
I wouldn’t dream of having him upstairs or in my bed if it made more work for a host, and if he chased their cats he’d be on a lead in the room with me.
This sounds like a rubbish dog owner tbh and you don’t have to put with with it.

Not only is all of that disgusting, I’d be so hurt if my DM missed family events / turned down invitations because of a dog! What is that all about??

That is grim, huge sympathies with you. My DM is exactly the same, she got a dog a few years ago when she retired and I thought it would be great because it would get her out and about meeting people. However, while she does get out for walks her whole life is dictated by the dogs 'needs'. The dog is badly trained and unable to be left for even a few minutes because DM has treated her like a child. Visiting her is unpleasant because it involves being leapt all over, licked and mauled by a dog while DM watches and thinks its 'cute'. 😠

Your DB is to be applauded for his insistence, join him too in sticking to your guns. I wouldn't have a dog in the house if I had a cat, regardless of the dog's behaviour.

Just visit your DM in her home only, seems the only option.

I'm gutted, if I'm honest.

She's missed house viewings, family events, and my scan today. She said she'd try and make it, but I knew from the moment she huffed off home with the dog that she'd let me down.

Sure enough this morning, a whole (clearly untrue) nonsensical saga via text about being stuck in traffic.

What can you do, though? People make their choices. I've tried to compromise by having the dog here, but I have to be allowed some standards/boundaries.

I'm sorry you can relate - it's no fun at all.

I am so, SO glad my partner just got his own place and no longer lives with MIL, as i was so sick of her bloody dogs!
3 Jack russels, i've never liked small dogs at the best of times, but they were just too much.
Elderly one was forever trying to lick my hands, and i have OCD so hated that, she also had really bad breath and shed constantly.
The little, also elderly one, a stress licker, just licks licks licks all day long, whether its your arms, your legs, clothing, the sofa etc, never stopped licking.
The male one, separation anxiety, and a humper, would grab a cusion and just go at it right in the middle of the livingroom floor. VERY jealous and possessive, will start snarling and growling and mad barking if either of the other 2 dogs go near MIL, or one of the dog toys.
Every day they have fresh boiled chicken and sweet potato, stinks to make, and they sit whining for it from 3pm onwards til they get it.
They're not well trained at all, so many instances of when i'm there even just during the day visits of them shitting in the house, won't alert to ask to be let out, will just shit wherever.
And when MIL and her partner were out they were even worse. The male and the licky one have to be on you, touching you, whilst growling at eachother til MIL got back. Dog sitting overnight was farcical. They wouldn't go out to toilet, even if you phyically put them outside they'd just sit and cry at the door scratching til let in. You couldn't shut them out of the room for any personal time, just constant scratching and howling at the door. As for trying to sleep, they would not let you move them away from touching you, they'd just lay straight back on you, and the licky one would play silly bollocks, she wanted to be downstairs, but not on her own. Launch off the bed, scratch at the door, let her out, run downstairs, if you didnt follow her down she'd come back up, scratch at the door to be let in, want lifting on to the bed, then 5 minutes later launching off to scratch to be let out, over and over. Partner would get angrier and angrier, i'd be the one up and down, and it was a miracle if i got any sleep at all.

I will point blank be refusing to go to their new place with partner to dog sit when they want to go on their little UK trips, i am not dealing with those bloody dogs ever again.

I love dogs but I would not be able to cope with this in my house. I'm not sure I'd be able to cope with it at her house either.

Who are the 2% of twits who voted YABU?

I'm sorry to say, but your DM's attitude and behaviour towards this dog is bonkers.

He's a Chorkie (Chihuahua x Yorkie)

A mongrel then.

Who in God's name decided that crossing two of the yappiest, snappiest, most belligerent and aggressive little breeds of dog would be a good idea? Ugly as sin as well, I bet. It's not normal or natural to have a man-made animal like that, and her ridiculous pandering to it has turned it into a pint-sized monster.

Anyhow. You have cats, and your house is their safe space. Their wellbeing is more important than your mother's affronted sensibilities. That is all the reason you need for refusing to let the dog come round any more. I've got cats and my house is, and will always be, a 100% dog-free zone. Nobody but nobody is allowed to bring a dog in my house or garden. If the dear departed Queen herself had come round for tea and brought her corgis - nope. Not bringing them in here.

That dog sounds incredibly unhappy! Your dm has made it the way it is and it looks like she's not willing to change the behaviour unfortunately. I'd not be letting them round

I’ll preface this post by saying I AM a dog lover. A dog trainer, in fact
Your mother’s dog sounds a miserable, anxious spoilt wreck quite frankly. Her babying him has caused serious behavioural issues (separation anxiety) and she needs to get on top of whatever the reason for his itchinesss is. It could be physical or behavioural but to just brush it off as ‘something he does’ is neglectful
I don’t blame you for not wanting him in your home or for being massively hurt at her priorities, especially regarding your scan

I'm so sorry she let you down today op, I hope the scan went well at least.

Speaking as a dog lover 😱🤮 WFT? Humping everything- he should be neutered, and telling your DD there’s ejaculate - get her out.

OP says the hellhound HAS been neutered.

Sounds an utter nightmare and that all the dogs have never been given boundaries. Just 'loving' a dog for our own self gratification isn't enough. They need brain training/stimulation, and to be taken out into different environments daily. I'be never allowed my dogs on my bed: it's my one hair free zone and they know that because I've TRAINED THEM!

My god!!!! I wouldn’t let my own dog do that in our house (and he is spoilt!). Totally outrageous. She and the dog wouldn’t be staying over again - ever 😂