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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To go after my ex for half his inheritance

220 replies

spanieleyes22 · 03/09/2024 13:43

So we split 15 years ago. 2 ds. They are with me. He did see them on weekends when they were small. He moved back in wit his mother and used take them there at weekends. Usually one nite. Not every weekend. He's been sporadic with maintenance. Had to take him to court at the beginning. Sometimes he pays it sometimes he doesn't. He doesn't see them now. They don't really have a relationship with him despite my best efforts. His mother has now died and it looks like he will inherit her house. Probably he won't get a huge amount as there are a lot of siblings. We never actually divorced. I tried a few years ago to do a diy one but he was slow signing the papers and in the end life took over and I let it go. Friends and family are saying to me I should get half his inheritance. I would feel bad though trying to get it. In the same way he could get half of anything I might inherit. My parents are well though so they will be around for a good while yet. Wwyd. Leave him be or. In one way I would do it for the dc to help them out. I don't want anything from him I hate him 🤣but he won't give the ex anything he just won't I know what he's like. So I could do it for them. They have no relationship with him anyway so I wouldn't be messing anything up for them .

OP posts:
Getorganised · 03/09/2024 13:44

No I wouldn’t but absolutely go after him for maintenance.

standardduck · 03/09/2024 13:44

No. But I would go after the maintenance

Phase2 · 03/09/2024 13:45

I think you should get divorced to avoid causing any extra stress for your kids and family if you die unexpectedly or without getting round to it. I'd go for maintenance.

SophiaJ8 · 03/09/2024 13:45

File with CMS for maintenance.

Get divorced.

I wouldn’t go for inheritance.

StormingNorman · 03/09/2024 13:46

I’m confused about why your friends think you have a claim on the inheritance after all this time?

You do need to get the maintenance sorted though.

TheFlis · 03/09/2024 13:46

Why on earth haven’t you pursued him for proper maintenance in 15 years?

OhmygodDont · 03/09/2024 13:46

As above get in the cms claim and just divorce him.

Before he can one day come after your money too. It works both ways.

spanieleyes22 · 03/09/2024 13:47

I reminded him about the maintenance about 10 days ago and he tore strips off me saying how could I be so insensitive at such a time - his mother was in hos. I said I'm sorry about your mother but I still have kids to feed and bills to pay.

OP posts:
48Hourss · 03/09/2024 13:47

No I wouldn't. Think about if he done that to you.

moppety · 03/09/2024 13:47

Unlikely you'd be granted it anyway. You don't just automatically get 50%, especially when you've been separated for so long. Unlikely a judge would allow that.

Campergirls1 · 03/09/2024 13:47

Absolutely go for every penny of maintenance and inform them of an inheritance.
Well worth trying for.
Then get divorced.
You never want him to get a further penny from you.

Howdull · 03/09/2024 13:49

Don't do it if you feel bad about it. Why would you deliberately make yourself feel bad?

spanieleyes22 · 03/09/2024 13:49

Yeh . Think friends and family have seen how neglectful and bad he's been over the years: he lives in Ireland a doesn't have a proper job so I could never go down the CMS route. I did bring him to court in Ireland where he lied and played the "poor me" to the judge and I was awarded a small amount .

OP posts:
Headingtowardsdivorce · 03/09/2024 13:49

The rules have changed on divorce and it's really easy now. Just file for it online and he can't say no without a massive fight on his hands!

And no, I wouldn't go after his inheritance unless he refuses to pay maintenance.

spanieleyes22 · 03/09/2024 13:50

Small amount of maintenance that is

OP posts:
spanieleyes22 · 03/09/2024 13:50

Headingtowardsdivorce · 03/09/2024 13:49

The rules have changed on divorce and it's really easy now. Just file for it online and he can't say no without a massive fight on his hands!

And no, I wouldn't go after his inheritance unless he refuses to pay maintenance.

Really ok I wil find out about this

OP posts:
Izzymoon · 03/09/2024 13:51

How do you think you can “go after” someone for half their inheritance?

You are owed maintenance, it’s not the same thing, you aren’t owed half of anything he has or gets in future.

Topseyt123 · 03/09/2024 13:51

The inheritance is presumably intended for the ex and his siblings to split between them so may not be mega bucks.

I'd push for the maintenance via the CMS and absolutely get the divorce finalised. This would eliminate any call he might have on your future inheritance when the time comes (hopefully not for a long time yet).

Ponderingwindow · 03/09/2024 13:52

No, but I would file for divorce and follow through on all details. You don’t want financial and legal ties to this man.

you should also file for maintenance. Even if he gets out of paying, at least it will be mentally hanging over his head.

cheezncrackers · 03/09/2024 13:52

Just divorce him OP. FGS, you've been separated for 15 years and it sounds like he's a twat. Why would you want to still be married to that? Get a quickie divorce and be done with him.

takealettermsjones · 03/09/2024 13:53

Your kids' grandmother died less than 10 days ago.

I'm shocked that you're talking to friends and family about how to get your hands on the cash tbh.

You absolutely should have fought him for maintenance a long time ago but I do think you're being insensitive right now.

PointsSouth · 03/09/2024 13:54

Whoever in your life you're taking advice from, stop it.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 03/09/2024 13:54

Just get divorced and instruct your solicitor to get you the best financial settlement possible.

Anywherebuthere · 03/09/2024 13:55

Chase up for maintenance.
Get divorced.
Leave the inheritance.
No guarantee your parents will be around for a good while just because they are well now.
Find some better people in your life, not vultures trying to take what the dead have left behind.

Nobodywouldknow · 03/09/2024 13:56

You’d be unlikely to be entitled to much but given he has paid no maintenance you might get something, although the long separation and presumably short marriage would be hurdles to your claim. You are entitled to bring a claim though and you should definitely get divorced after all this time. What if one of you dies without a will for example?