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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To go after my ex for half his inheritance

220 replies

spanieleyes22 · 03/09/2024 13:43

So we split 15 years ago. 2 ds. They are with me. He did see them on weekends when they were small. He moved back in wit his mother and used take them there at weekends. Usually one nite. Not every weekend. He's been sporadic with maintenance. Had to take him to court at the beginning. Sometimes he pays it sometimes he doesn't. He doesn't see them now. They don't really have a relationship with him despite my best efforts. His mother has now died and it looks like he will inherit her house. Probably he won't get a huge amount as there are a lot of siblings. We never actually divorced. I tried a few years ago to do a diy one but he was slow signing the papers and in the end life took over and I let it go. Friends and family are saying to me I should get half his inheritance. I would feel bad though trying to get it. In the same way he could get half of anything I might inherit. My parents are well though so they will be around for a good while yet. Wwyd. Leave him be or. In one way I would do it for the dc to help them out. I don't want anything from him I hate him 🤣but he won't give the ex anything he just won't I know what he's like. So I could do it for them. They have no relationship with him anyway so I wouldn't be messing anything up for them .

OP posts:
IWasHittingMyMarks · 03/09/2024 15:54

I would go for 100% of past maintenance and get a CMS order for future maintenance ... and tell him that's all you're going for if he pays it immediately. Or you will pursue more in a divorce.

Then just file for the divorce online!

Seeingadistance · 03/09/2024 15:55

SophiaJ8 · 03/09/2024 13:45

File with CMS for maintenance.

Get divorced.

I wouldn’t go for inheritance.

This, but adding that you are not entitled to any part of his inheritance anyway.

SummerFade · 03/09/2024 15:59

You mentioned that your ex lives in Ireland but you haven’t said where you live.

Irish law is different to English law so you need to speak to a local solicitor to find out where you stand regarding divorce, inheritance and child maintenance payments.

Howmanycatsistoomany · 03/09/2024 16:02

No but I might use the threat to make him sign the divorce papers.

ItsAShame2 · 03/09/2024 16:05

standardduck · 03/09/2024 13:44

No. But I would go after the maintenance

this

Tel12 · 03/09/2024 16:06

No don't go for the inheritance but get divorced. Things can change quickly and he could be coming after yours.

blondiepigtails · 03/09/2024 16:26

Get divorced, tidy everything up and in the mean time - make sure your will is up to date.
Anyone else reading this - make sure your wills are up to date, especially if you're not married. You can't guarantee that families will do the right thing.

nosleepforme · 03/09/2024 16:35

Disgusting to go after his inheritance! It’s not half yours, and you know that.
yes, absolutely go for maintenance and backpay

bellinisurge · 03/09/2024 16:36

Inheritance is nothing to do with you. Get maintenance for your kids.

prh47bridge · 03/09/2024 16:42

@spanieleyes22 - I have only read your posts.

You need to get divorced and get a financial settlement sorted. Note that you can get help with the fees if you are on benefits or a low income.

Given that you separated 15 years ago, it is unlikely you would get any of his inheritance. The courts will only dip into his inheritance if there is no other way of ensuring that everyone's reasonable needs are met.

It sounds like the child maintenance is a private agreement. Most such agreements are not legally enforceable, so you cannot sue for unpaid maintenance. Your agreement is only enforceable if it was drawn up as a legally binding agreement, which is normally done by a lawyer.

Butwhybecause · 03/09/2024 16:45

You are not entitled to his inheritance as far as I know. Nor should he be entitled to yours if the worst happened and you lost your parents.

However, you should pursue him for maintenance, this makes me so cross that men walk away from their children, their responsibilities.

Boomer55 · 03/09/2024 16:45

Get a divorce. I doubt any court would think you’re entitled to any of his inheritance, after all these years, but you can chase past maintenance, if you want to. A divorce will stop him going after anything you get.

Butwhybecause · 03/09/2024 16:46

Get a divorce

Yes. You're living in limbo.

rwalker · 03/09/2024 16:49

I can’t see it ending well and I’m sure his inheritance will disappear as quick as it appears

Save yourself the drama

BotterMon · 03/09/2024 16:53

Forget the inheritance you wouldn't be entitled to it. Do however divorce him pdq and go after past and present maintenance as he'll have money (if he sells the house!) I don't think you can get maintenance based on assets.

AcrossthePond55 · 03/09/2024 17:00

Rumshotsandrainshowers · 03/09/2024 14:47

She can tell him that all she wants but if he’s a single brain cell he will know she’s talking nonsense.

Maybe, maybe not, we don't really know how many brain cells he has. It may come to naught, but it may result in a divorce.

Stranger things have happened than a wife ending up with a chunk of change after being separated for years. Once the money is in his bank account it's simply an asset that belongs to him.

Almostwelsh · 03/09/2024 17:06

If they are still legally married she might well have a claim on his inheritance- people have made claims when their ex came into money even after divorce if there was no financial order made at the time of divorce.

But it's unclear which jurisdiction the divorce falls under if he's in Ireland and the laws can vary between countries. You'd need to see a solicitor to advise you. Just say you want a divorce, tell them about the situation and they will guide you on what the likely outcome will be.

Rumshotsandrainshowers · 03/09/2024 17:09

Almostwelsh · 03/09/2024 17:06

If they are still legally married she might well have a claim on his inheritance- people have made claims when their ex came into money even after divorce if there was no financial order made at the time of divorce.

But it's unclear which jurisdiction the divorce falls under if he's in Ireland and the laws can vary between countries. You'd need to see a solicitor to advise you. Just say you want a divorce, tell them about the situation and they will guide you on what the likely outcome will be.

She doesn’t have a claim.

usernamealreadytaken · 03/09/2024 17:10

Izzymoon · 03/09/2024 13:51

How do you think you can “go after” someone for half their inheritance?

You are owed maintenance, it’s not the same thing, you aren’t owed half of anything he has or gets in future.

If you are still married and not divorced, you are absolutely entitled to half of the XP finances, unless a full and final financial settlement has already been made. MIL just got over half of DFILs estate, despite proclaiming that she was no longer his wife, and him writing a will dividing equally between all family members (including her; will was written before he succumbed to dementia).

KnickerlessParsons · 03/09/2024 17:18

StormingNorman · 03/09/2024 13:46

I’m confused about why your friends think you have a claim on the inheritance after all this time?

You do need to get the maintenance sorted though.

Because they are still married.

lmoh · 03/09/2024 18:09

48Hourss · 03/09/2024 13:47

No I wouldn't. Think about if he done that to you.

It’s not the same. She’s raised the kids on her own with FA contribution from him. And he probably would do it to her if he got the chance.

go for the inheritance.

StormingNorman · 03/09/2024 18:31

Inheritances are often ringfenced in marriages where they haven’t been invested in shared assets such as buying a house. Even where couples are still together at the point of inheriting. Given you have been separated for the best part of a decade, your case would be weak.

LadyGabriella · 03/09/2024 18:33

Divorce him officially. You’ve had children with him that he doesn’t contribute towards. You are entitled to money from him

Almostwelsh · 03/09/2024 18:53

Rumshotsandrainshowers · 03/09/2024 17:09

She doesn’t have a claim.

We don't know that. She is still married to him and any inheritance he has would have to be declared on Form E on divorce. The courts sometimes might ignore it, but if there is very little else in the form of assets then she could end up with some of it on financial settlement.

Galadriell · 03/09/2024 19:25

I'd go after the maintenance and if you can use his inheritance as backup (presumably he can't claim financial hardship) then do so.

But going for half the inheritance is just grabby. It reminds me of a previous thread on here. The OP lived in her husband's house and didn't pay towards the mortgage. He'd supported her whilst she studied and then she left him and was trying to get half the house, after he'd paid all the mortgage, hadn't charged her rent, and had bankrolled her whilst she studied. It was tacky as fuck IMO.

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