To go after my ex for half his inheritance

[spanieleyes22]

So we split 15 years ago. 2 ds. They are with me. He did see them on weekends when they were small. He moved back in wit his mother and used take them there at weekends. Usually one nite. Not every weekend. He's been sporadic with maintenance. Had to take him to court at the beginning. Sometimes he pays it sometimes he doesn't. He doesn't see them now. They don't really have a relationship with him despite my best efforts. His mother has now died and it looks like he will inherit her house. Probably he won't get a huge amount as there are a lot of siblings. We never actually divorced. I tried a few years ago to do a diy one but he was slow signing the papers and in the end life took over and I let it go. Friends and family are saying to me I should get half his inheritance. I would feel bad though trying to get it. In the same way he could get half of anything I might inherit. My parents are well though so they will be around for a good while yet. Wwyd. Leave him be or. In one way I would do it for the dc to help them out. I don't want anything from him I hate him 🤣but he won't give the ex anything he just won't I know what he's like. So I could do it for them. They have no relationship with him anyway so I wouldn't be messing anything up for them .

I’m still with my DH and when his mother passed away the inheritance was left for him. I didn’t want any of it so no I don’t think you should go for it personally.

It might just be the spur he needs to get his arse in gear if you start proceedings again. You could just gently remind him that seeing as you are still married then legally anything that he owns goes into the pot 😉.

In this instance it will be auto ring fenced, if he’d received it say early in the marriage, bought the family home with it no. But in this context, it would be immediate ring fence.

No idea why you’d ’feel bad’ about claiming the inheritance. He didn’t ’feel bad’ about not paying you maintenance. As PP said, you probably won’t get loads but go for it, why not? Look up the case of Dale Vince. Whilst it wasn’t an inheritance, it was a business, his ex-wife was awarded millions decades after they divorced because they didn’t have a financial consent order in place 🤷‍♀️

Once you’re sorted, get a divorce and financial separation order ASAP so he can’t get any of your money plus also get onto the CMS for maintenance.

That inheritance is your joint marital asset.
You go after it. The minute you feel a tiny pang of guilt bat it away by reminding yourself he has neither parented or contributed to his kids. He should have pulled his finger out on the divorce if he wanted to avoid this. Actions and consequences, see. You go for it - spend that money on your kids and don’t look back.

Sorry I misremembered. He had started a company after their divorce that became successful and she was awarded a share of the value of that, but nowhere near half: https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-gloucestershire-36499818

All those saying you won't get anything or a judge won't award it are just not correct. If you are still legally married there is a very good chance you will get some of it on a divorce, and why not. He's welched out of supporting his children and left the burden on you. The whole idea of marriage is to financially protect people and if he didn't dissolve the legal contract then that's his problem. The euro win 20 years after separation but not finalised divorce, is just a high profile one but not unique at all. New families of 20 years on the death of a partner who is married to someone else and never divorced lose assets all the time to the original partner, years later.
Don't feel bad. How bad did he feel when you were making huge sacrifices because he didn't pay anything that week.

You aren't likely to get any inheritance immediately because even though you are married still, it's up to him if he shares it.

However, if you file for divorce it will be counted as the marital assets so he'd have been wiser to have divorced years ago (from his point of view.)

From a legal site online

Generally speaking, all the assets are treated as joint assets and put into a pot for division. There is no rule that inherited assets/income are automatically excluded and can be kept by the person who inherited them. Instead it is necessary to consider the individual circumstances of the couple.

And no, it’s not “auto ring fenced” or any such fictional legal term. All your assets - yours and his - are marital assets until you are divorced. The split of them is needs and capacity based. It just means that your pot is now bigger.

perhaps he’d be more willing to assign you some pension/house equity/generous maintenance if you leave the inheritance be??

I’d go for the inheritance he didn’t mind seeing you struggle. It’s part of the marital pot so to speak.

In order to get part of his inheritance you’d have to divorce him and try to claim the inheritance was a marital asset. You can’t just ask for half and get handed it while you’re still married!

However, the inheritance is likely to be deemed a non marital asset by the court because he acquired it years after your separation. So I think your friends are wrong and you wouldn’t get a penny of it.

Definitely take him to court for maintenance though!

hilarious that your eyes have opened up to the maintenance you should have been pushing for now there’s an inheritance in sight

The inheritance may be ringfenced but a) they are still married and b) he's paid sporadically child support despite a Court order. She has a great claim if she goes after him.

I am a solictor. As you haven't divorced I assume you don't have any court order for maintenance so he thinks he can just pay you as and when he feels like it. In my opinion you should seek a divorce including an order for maintenance at least for the children if not for you. If you can get a lump sum for maintenance from his inheritance that will save you the hassle of trying to get him to pay maintenance every month. Also if you die whilst still married and you haven't made a will then he will get more than half your estate including your house. You should seek legal advice from a solicitor (or if you cannot afford one, from a Citizens Advice Bureau or free Law Centre - search online). Good luck.

He has refused to parent or pay regular child support for 15 years? Go after him for everything you can, and do it now before he can do the same to you. No fault divorce now so much easier. Get the financials sorted asap as if he will do over his children like that, you can guarantee he will do it you too if he thinks there is something in it for him.

That's not true. It can very much be used to assess the financial status of a couple on divorce and if one party is significantly worse off the inheritance can be included. The OP has been significantly financially disadvantaged during her marriage which is still legally in place. It's not true to say it is never part of a divorce settlement. It's not an accumulated asset during the marriage which are automatically assets for division, but it can still be very much included under the correct circumstances.

You don't have to 'go after' anything

When you file for divorce, a financial settlement will be worked out

You can tell the court that you've never been paid maintenance and that you'd like the court to take this into account and order backdated payments

Bear in mind that if all monies/pensions/ properties are put on the table for the financial settlement, yours will be too

The inheritance was never an asset used in the pursuit of the marriage. Therefore it is very very very unlikely to be split as part of a settlement. The best you can hope for is that it is considered as meeting his housing needs when splitting what assets you did share.

The risk you run is whether you have assets that he can lay claim to. Any investment started when you were together could be seen as a marital asset and therefore split. Even if you don’t divorce he technically owns 50% of your marital assets. Which wouldn’t be good for your heirs.

How would you feel if your DC's Ex came for a property you left for them ? The laws need changing: No one will get married if this continues!

What @Bestyearever2024 said. You can’t go after anything. You can get divorced and declare both of your finances and agree a settlement.

You never know how life will change. I wouldn’t wait. People don’t always live as long as we hope.

If the inheritance has been kept separate, which I assume it has as you are separated, under English law it would not normally be treated as a marital asset

Talk to a solicitor see what they say. He can no longer claim he can’t afford to pay maintenance. Fuck him get every last penny you can out of him.

Fgs ask a lawyer and not a bunch of anonymous randoms on the internet.