To have stopped cooking for my kids

[JMSA]

Eldest is 23 and moving into her own place next week, so this doesn't really apply to her.
Younger ones are 18 and 15.
I'm a single mum who works full-time. I'm menopausal and exhausted. Most times I'll have cereal or toast, something really simple.
It occurred to me tonight that I've not actually made them food in a while. And I feel massively guilty. The food is there, they just have to fend for themselves a bit.
Other than that, I'm a very present and loving mum
I do their laundry etc for them. But I simply can't be arsed to make dinners. Don't get me wrong, if they said 'mum, we really fancy your lasagne', I'd do it. But they probably wouldn't as I'm not the best cook anyway.
AIBU?

Do you see them eat? Are they getting nutritious meals? You’re buying the right ingredients and you’ve taught them properly so they’re eating well?
Posted too soon!

It’s fine for teens to make their own dinners, but really not all the time. Did the 18 year old go through their exams also have to cook for themself every day? You really do need to be making sure you’re feeding them properly when they’ve got masses of studying and exams to get through. You might be fine with cereal but they need better than that.

I mean they're pretty grown up now. I don't think it's a huge problem. When did you stop making meals?

What kind of foods are they eating then? Are they still healthy or do they end up eating processed food as there's nothing cooked. If they are healthy and are actually bothering to cook themselves, then I don't see an issue but I think family meals can be really nice if you all chip in.

You don’t cook for your 15 year old?

What do they eat?

Thank you. It was really only recently that I stopped. And it wasn't a conscious decision. It just sort of happened.
18 year old would eat healthily until the cows came home. 15 year old is tricky.
I need to up my game.

What does your 15 year old eat???

I'm a single mum working full time and I still cook for my 16 year old.

I think it's pretty crap tbh, you're their mum, it's part of the job. There's no reason they also can't help put given their age.

She'd sometimes make herself eggs on toast, avocado bagels, gyozas, that sort of thing.

I think it sets an unhealthy example to them. My mum often ate like that when I was growing up and it made me feel like I was a greedy pig for wanting to have actual food and not just a piece of toast.

I think that her making her own lunch is fine, but I do think that a parent should be making a kids evening meal for them until they are at least 16.
No reason why she can’t help you though.

I don't really either op and mine are 15 and 13.

I've (and school food tech gcse)taught them to cook, and do all the shopping with food they like.

They are both very health conscious and make healthy meals.

I pretty much do everything else in terms of cleaning and laundry round the house, so I find that them doing this particular chore, which they have to do if they want to eat, is a far far easier one than constantly on at them to eg unload dishwasher. Also good skill for them as adults,

I work full time, they are at school full time. They have far more down time than me already, so this seems fair.

I'd never make her feel like that.

If you were the dad it would be considered absolutely fine.

@JMSA She didn't make me feel like that intentionally at all but that was how it felt to me at the time.

Yup, it's pretty much the only chore they have to do.

That's a shame
I absolutely love my food. Always have, always will.
I am just so tired in the evenings.

How about, you cook two days a week, and they each make two meals a week and then eat out together once a week.

It’s such a change from the way we eat and I do think it’s crap and lazy, sorry.
My mum was like you and my sibling and I had to work really hard to overcome the terrible eating/not eating habits we developed as teens.
It doesn’t have to be fancy or take hours but you really should be providing something relatively balanced and nutritious to eat.
I would never have left my teen girls the way my mum did, she didn’t check in to see if we were eating anything, just didn’t care because we weren’t making a mess in the kitchen and weren’t under her feet!

Well you say you do do everything else for them so it really isn't bad. But did they not mention you not making meals for them anymore when you stopped? Or did they just get on with it.

I think at least an evening meal would be good. It is tiring but helps to add nutrition for your kids and they can help. Also what you described for your 15 year old isn't great for meals everyday.They are defo capable of fixing themselves breakfast and lunch though.

Good idea!

I'd swap the chores round then so they have to do the laundry/cleaning or whatever, while you do the cooking.

It sounds as though it would make you feel much better too.

This is really unkind and unfair. The childhood you had seems to compare in no way to the ops parenting.

Why does not cooking for your kids mean they don't eat well?

I don't, and mine do.

Also, I totally get feeling tired in the evenings OP.

I've recently started buying frozen onions, mushrooms and peppers and it's been a game changer.

A spaghetti or penne pasta bolognese takes around half an hour, now I don't have to do all that chopping.

I have a 15 yo and although she’s quite mature for her age, I think it’s still important I cook for her (and her dad does when she’s with him).

It might be a cultural thing but I find the idea of nourishing children with healthy food very important- and the evening meal is the main opportunity to do this. I almost think it’s more so for teenagers as there is often little you can do for them in other areas of life.

I made the family dinners for everyone from about this age, I was always first back in the house (parent working from home was there too but still working!) so it made sense for me to do it. I'm grateful I learned to cook!