To have stopped cooking for my kids

[JMSA]

Eldest is 23 and moving into her own place next week, so this doesn't really apply to her.
Younger ones are 18 and 15.
I'm a single mum who works full-time. I'm menopausal and exhausted. Most times I'll have cereal or toast, something really simple.
It occurred to me tonight that I've not actually made them food in a while. And I feel massively guilty. The food is there, they just have to fend for themselves a bit.
Other than that, I'm a very present and loving mum
I do their laundry etc for them. But I simply can't be arsed to make dinners. Don't get me wrong, if they said 'mum, we really fancy your lasagne', I'd do it. But they probably wouldn't as I'm not the best cook anyway.
AIBU?

That's not really reflecting any better on you! Not cooking for your kids is a pretty low bar, sorry 😒

@Galoop

Oh don't worry, you've made your opinion of me loud and clear.

I agree it's a low bar. 15 is young.

Do you know how low your own bar is if you really think this is a good comparison?

’I don’t cook for my child and make them think that it’s ok to live off improper meals but oh well, it’s not bad enough that social services would get involved’ isn’t exactly very complimentary, OP.

Oh well as long as you’re not neglecting them to the point where ss will get involved…
I bet some of the ‘challenging teens’ you work with have mums who actually cook their tea like you’re supposed to

The way you casually say ‘it occurred to me that I haven’t made them food in a while’ says to me there’s been no regular meals for a long time. Not ‘I’ve been so busy and tired that I’ve not made them a proper dinner twice this week’. You’ve actually sat there and it’s popped into your head that you can’t remember when you fed them last. Mealtimes should be a routine op. I treat my dogs better than you treat your kids

Another vote for Hello Fresh or similar. My teenage son has been able to follow the recipes since he was 14 and some of them come with a QR code to a themed playlist they can play whilst they cook which he likes.

They're desperate for business at the moment so take advantage even for a few weeks, my work is about to go mad so am going to get boxes for a few weeks. They're doing a stupidly cheap loss-leader and I know he'll get a decent meal, and so will I when I get in!

If that doesn't work for you, my other teens staple is to get a pack of chicken breasts from Lidl or Aldi, put them in the slow cooker on Sunday until they fall apart, bag into portions, then my son can make chicken wraps with some fresh peppers and microwave rice - I grab loads of cheap spice packs from our Polish shop so there are different options.

Well food, clothing and shelter is kindof the bare minimum 🤷🏻‍♀️

Do you know, I normally can take comments on the chin. It's part and parcel of posting on here and I accept that. I didn't come on here expecting to be told 'bravo OP, you're doing a great job'.
But some of these remarks are just awful. To be told it's a SS issue and that I treat my children worse than dogs is really beyond the pale.
Please think about how your words could impact someone who is already struggling.
I reiterate, it's fine to be told 'step up, OP, you're being a lazy arse'. That's ok.
But some of you like to stick the knife in that much deeper.

@Galoop

All of which they have in bucketloads.
Yup, the food hasn't always been prepared by me. But I am looking to change that.

Thanks to those who have offered practical advice too, such as the food boxes.

Absolutely no way would I have a single person in my house go with no dinner, whether that be my partner, my 60yo mum and step dad, any guests whether they’re staying over or not, it goes without saying I feed my fucking kids. I don’t get the age thing on here where if they’re old enough to physically do something themselves then you get ridiculed for doing it for them. But it’s dinner ffs. It doesn’t even have to be healthy some nights. Have you got an air fryer? I can do fish fingers, jackets and cheesy beans in 8 minutes. Or ham, egg and chips. I can do a salad in less than 5 mins. I don’t care how old my children get, they will ALWAYS get a meal because I care about them!

@Galoop Fgs they do have food, just because it isn't being turned into a lasange every night doesn't mean they're neglected. Are you trying to make another mum feel like shit on purpose?
I think now you've realised it OP, you can take steps to rectify. I have health conditions that mean I'm not always able to do a decent dinner but the kids never go hungry and that's what's important in my view.

There's a lot of saints on this thread.

Thank you.
And I do make a mean lasagne.
It's about the only meal I'm renowned for!

If making your kids dinner most if not every night of the week makes you a saint, I must be a literal angel then!

I think when they are older your kids will remember that their mum didn’t cook for them when they were kids.

I know you do everything else, but they will remember that you stopped cooking for them.

and cooking is love.

YABU and no wonder you're exhausted living on cereal and toast!

It is a hard slog, and I really do sympathise but unfortunately you just have to do it. I actually hate cooking. The food boxes are a good idea, you can also buy meals (not microwave meals), but actual meals. Another option is traybakes which I keep meaning to try as it's basically just chuck it all in the oven and the kids can help you with the prep. There's probably lots of easy recipes to try if you google, but the food boxes can be a good start. Also if you make a big meal, then you can either eat the next day or freeze for another day. Simple things like pizza, burgers, pasta are still relatively healthy, quick and tasty.

Of course you shouldn't have to cook for your kids. They're adults bar one who's nearly one.

My mum stopped cooking for me when I was 14. We were bereaved as we lost my dad and she didn't have the energy or inclination, and was working so tired as well.

I liked having a budget each week she gave me and I'd buy all my own food. Being a teen I did end up eating a lot of pesto pasta as I'd spent a lot of my budget on fags and McDonald's, haha.

But once it was gone, it was gone. It was a good life lesson I think. I really love cooking and always have. Totally self taught. So for me it worked out really good to have the freedom to buy and cook my own meals.

It's great your kids love your food, so definitely do cook sometimes as a special treat. They'll appreciate it much more.

I love my mum's cooking as it doesn't happen very often and shows she's made an effort.
I think you can probably lay off the laundry duties now as well.

You've spent your life caring for others and should I think take a bit of time now to focus on you and your wants and desires.

I've not hit the menopause yet so I'm not going to judge.

I'd suggest printing out a few easy recipe's, pinning them to the fridge and buying the ingredients for them.

Teens might respond well to this (I have a history of working with kids and teens), and with a little praise might turn cooking into a hobby.

Basically, lay the foundation's and let it flourish

I eat more substantially at lunchtime.

@JMSA It's nearly 1am and you're in AIBU, I'd order a hard hat whilst you order the recipe boxes if I were you... 😎

Those of you saying you treat your dogs better, there are a lot of dogs I meet that are more spoilt than my children, the owners are invariably "furbaby" people and insufferable.

From what I'm hearing from you, there is food available, nobody is starving, having to hunt voles for protein, you've just maybe hit a wall in cooking from scratch every night yes?

Here's an easy one to get you started it actually is surprisingly good, and if you want you can add other veges like zucchini, mushrooms, capsicum even chuck a bag of Spinach once it's done, but you don't have to.

www.delish.com/cooking/recipe-ideas/a35421563/baked-feta-pasta-tiktok/

I agree that you should be providing some sort of dinner for your 15yo. Being tired doesn't really get you out of that responsibility. Can you divide up some other chores, particularly to your adult children, to make space for providing a meal?

@BobbyBiscuits you're the kind of person who, if I ever meet in real life I would totally love!

Ha ha ha! I actually made this so much at one point - at their request - that they became completely scunnered with it
Thank you though. I agree that it's the perfect lazy meal