To have stopped cooking for my kids

[JMSA]

Eldest is 23 and moving into her own place next week, so this doesn't really apply to her.
Younger ones are 18 and 15.
I'm a single mum who works full-time. I'm menopausal and exhausted. Most times I'll have cereal or toast, something really simple.
It occurred to me tonight that I've not actually made them food in a while. And I feel massively guilty. The food is there, they just have to fend for themselves a bit.
Other than that, I'm a very present and loving mum
I do their laundry etc for them. But I simply can't be arsed to make dinners. Don't get me wrong, if they said 'mum, we really fancy your lasagne', I'd do it. But they probably wouldn't as I'm not the best cook anyway.
AIBU?

I personally really value meal times as an opportunity to sit and catch up with each other.
I also think 3 meals a day with veg/protein in is important.
It's also about teaching healthy eating habits, learning to cook.

Now my eldest two are adults they tend to cook for themselves inthe week but weekends myself or dh cook for us all.

I would be making sure the 15 year old is eating a meal on an evening ideally with some nutrients in. And I would aim to try to sit and eat as a family at least a couple times a week.

It reminds of that film mermaids with Cher where Bob Hoskins cooks a roast and Cher struggles with sitting at the table and eating as a family. 😂

Slow cooker meals. Dump and go style. Zero effort when I do it, it's always good and tasty!

My love language is food, so I cook for my family as I love them. I will not cook for someone I do not like and have refused to cook when put into this situation 😂

But if it’s working for your family and the kids are ok with it I do not think you should feel guilty. 18 and 15 year olds can cook for themselves and if your exhausted it’s fair enough to want time off from cooking. And it is a good life lesson to leave home with the ability to cook for yourself.

No, this isn’t ok. I don’t know why you’re on MN trying to convince yourself it is.

Some really nice dump and go recipes online, especially YouTube. When I lived without a kitchen for a while these were a go to.

And we found we liked things we didn’t think we would - sweet and sour meatballs are surprising delicious.

My daughter, nearly 10, cooks one meal a week for the family. Supervised. She got the Harry Potter cookbook for Christmas, which she loves, we have some random old meals on a Tuesday evening

I know it's tiring and annoying to plan, shop for and cook meals but even something straightforward like an omelette and salad would be fine. Also, it's important as a family to sit down together over dinner.

The sitting down to dinner is important in my opinion

I left home at 17 and was perfectly capable of fending for myself.
I think some people do a huge disservice to teenagers.
Surely a parents role when they are mid to late teens is to equip them for the outside world, not molly coddle them like they're 5.

I don’t always cook for my kids, youngest is 17. They will make themselves fish/chicken & chips, wraps, pasta etc. I probably say to them to make dinner 3 times a week I make the rest to make sure they get “proper” food because there is no way they would make a decent meal from scratch.

Have you actually read the full thread?
I'm convincing myself of nothing.
Honestly, some people on here are beyond annoying

what you said is one of their reasons
a child between 10 and 16 should not be cooking, cleaning, changing and remaking beds, washing or doing any adult responsibilities or physically looking after a adult of the opposite sex

How on earth are teens supposed to learn to look after themselves if they don't do any of those things (apart from the adult care)??

If everyone pitches in, the housework takes 1 hour a day? If they are left to sit around on their screens all day and good old mum is expected to skivvy around after them, the mum might feel resentful and the DC certainly won't learn life skills.

Mine are teens/young adults and cook about half their dinners themselves. I only buy reasonably healthy food and they like planning meals from the Oddbox.

Personally I find the family dinner dynamic very boring, if it's every single day.

OP cooking twice or three times a week with a bit of help from the teens, interesting food and conversation, is maybe an option?

Anyway folks, I'm taking a step back from this now. Thank you and have a good day

It's important to prioritise eating properly, OP. Especially for your own sake! You're menopausal and exhausted - eating properly will help you with that.

Get a rota in place where you cook some nights and the kids cook some nights.

Don't eat cereal and toast for dinner. You need proper food.

You will feel so much better for it.

Currently I’m doing all the cooking (washing up/dog walking/housework), DH has broken his elbow. Got in from work, washed up, fed the dogs, shoved salmon fillets under the grill and made a salad all whilst on the phone.

Think about the example you’re setting for the youngest, particularly. They could definitely be cooking/making a meal in turns, but so should you, just choose stuff that isn’t loads of work, like chicken that just needs popping in the oven/air fryer, occasional chips, bags of steamed veg etc. It doesn’t have to be some stunning cordon bleu effort, but I think given the age of the younger dc, it’s pretty key to ensure she experiences a healthy set of meals, whether she makes them or someone else at home does.

@JMSA have you asked your DCs how they would like evening meals to pan out as such? Maybe sit down with them and see if they would be interested in cooking a meal a week for you all as a family as mentioned above and you could as also mentioned look into hello fresh etc or maybe batch cook with them on a weekend. You could also prepare a load of dump bags for a slow cooker which anyone of you could pop on in a morning and be ready for you all when you come home. That would be nice for you as well to come home to a ready cooked nutritious meal. You could always have toast for supper!

Cereal and toast will not be doing your meno symptoms any favours! Could you set up a cooking rota? All cook 2 x per week and whatever on the 7th night? I would say decent home cooked meals are essential for health for all of you - at that age they could be doing their own laundry instead. You could plan the week together - I'm sure if you're close (as it sounds) your DC will step up because you need some support.

Have you spoken to the kids about it? Are they happy?

I do a meal plan for the week.but as the older ones are out a lot (sports, clubs, friends...) they have the option that I can plate it for them to reheat or make their own later, and they often make their own (15, 16 & 21). They make chicken wraps, chilli, pasta & pesto, noodles etc

If they're happy, I'd say it's fine, but if they want you to cook you could try batch cooking and freezing portions when you feel up.to it that they can reheat, as a compromise.

Parenting is hard, don't beat yourself up!

I find it funny how some posters are appalled at OP and insist her kids should have proper, nutritious,healthy, well balanced meals and then suggest things like pesto cheesy pasta or baked potato with beans/cheese. 1. Those aren't actually great meals and 2. There's no reason why a 15 yo (and definitely an 18 yo) can't make those things themselves.

I can see myself going the same way when DD is older. She's fussy as fuck, we rarely eat the same meals so I have to cook twice and sometimes she's just not fussed about food at dinner time.

My 16yr old DD makes her own food and has for around 18 months or longer, out of choice. I leave her to it, she tells me what she wants on Saturday and our delivery comes Sunday. She makes a lot of pasta and roast potatoes, she’s become a good cook. DS (20) still likes me to cook his food when he’s home from Uni. But he can cook, and does at Uni.

For the poster who asked you if your DD cooked during exams, my daughter continued to cook for herself during GCSE’s, clearly didn’t do her any harm as she got 11 x grade 9’s. In fact it served a good purpose as it forced her to take a break from revision.

I would (and have! asked for washing /hoovering or a errand running, preferably to them cooking) It an act of love ,DM cooked separately for me as well sometimes, if I wasnt keen on the Dinner.Problem is when they have DC this may continue .Also if at Uni, they have to fend for themselves a bit ,appreciate meals at home then! I am just saying it goes quickly BTW. not trying to make you feel bad!

Some people on this thread are truly batshit. I think I saw I was called despicable! 😂

I'm just reading this eating my breakfast (Greek yoghurt and berries) and chatting to my 13 year old as she cooks her choice of breakfast which is scrambled eggs.

Someone quickly call social services.

I feel a bit sorry for the kids. We have an 18 year old. Dh & I work full time. Dc has just completed an exam year. Dc can cook but tends to veer towards tic tok recipes which usually involve a lot of ingredients & faff so it's not every night.

I am a good cook. I taught myself when I left home at 18. My mum was a very lazy cook & very often didn't bother making dinner. She claimed she bought stuff I could make dinners with. But in truth she was on a perpetual diet in those years & very often the food available would reflect this. Or total convenience foods - boil in the bag curry, cuppasoup, frozen baguette pizza (it was the late 80s!!)

It was stressful coming in from school tired & hungry, facing an evening of study & then have to forage for something to have to eat.

I knew I would never do that to my own dc. So even though I'm in my early 50s (menopausal) & working (which my mum didn't do) I cook a meal every night.

During the week I try to make at least 2 dinners that last 2 nights. So curry or ragu or stew etc & on the second night I only have to cook the sides .

Teen years are complex & stressful for so many kids. I love knowing that having a delicious dinner & feeling looked after each evening is something my dc can rely on. I also know they love it as on the odd occasion I'm not there or suggest an alternative they tell me they miss it

I know coming home to a house with a busy kitchen smelling of something delicious is comforting. I plan to provide that as long as my dc is at home or visiting. For us its a priority.

We love eating together

@JMSA so sorry this thread went dark. For what it is worth I moved out a week after my 18th birthday. I think I did OK. 15 mum cooked most times but I was definitely cooking a few nights a week by then. DH started cooking for himself at 14 as his DMs cooking was so dire he couldn't face it any more and by then his older siblings had moved out.

It is probably not as big a one to deal with as you are being made to feel. Fortnightly Meal planner, developed by your kids. Split the cooking across the 3 /4 of you. Include a cheat night or two such as oven pizza or takeout on the days you are all most busy and then go from there.

It is nice to come home to a home cooked meal (slow cookers are great for this) but it isn't always possible. And your kids sound great by the way. As do you. Look after yourself. Menopause is tough so see a GP if you haven't already and make sure you are getting enough vitamins and iron if you aren't eating properly.

Op -I've just thought of another easy thing I do to make it easier for everyone to fend for themselves- most weeks I roast a chicken. Then it sits in the fridge for a few days whilst my girls use it for their varied food choices.