To be hurt that MIL won’t attend our wedding?

[CheeseSnacker]

I am/was close to DP’s mum. DP and I are getting married in two weeks. Of course we invited STB MIL and DPs sister and brother. None of them are coming,

DP’s sister said she didn’t want to use up a days annual leave (she’s known about our wedding for months) and MIL is just not going because SIL is not going. When DP said she should still come, MIL then declared it would be too upsetting for her (FIL died six years ago and didn’t live to see any of his DC marry).

BIL’s wife is expecting a baby imminently and he lives far out, so his reasoning I can understand.

I rarely talk about our wedding but when I did briefly mention something over dinner one evening, it was clear MIL wasn’t interested and she changed the subject.

It also smarts that when we announced our engagement, not one of DH’s siblings, or MIL so much as congratulated him. Yet if MIL stumps her toe, we’re expected to be by her bedside.

DH will have none of his family at our wedding. I have seen MIL in a new light and I am growing resentful of her. I couldn’t imagine not attending my future DC wedding. I’m quite hurt.

AIBU or is her reasoning valid?

It's weird if you get on with her.

How long have you been together?

YANBU.

I know you say you get on with her but does she actually like you and approve of your marriage?

Personally I would say that fil will be there in spirit and that your sure if he was alive today he would be attending. Surely he would be hurt if she does not attend on his behalf.

It's mean of them not to come. Just don't bother with them in future. Be polite when you meet and that's it.

We’ve been together for eight years and we’ve always got on. Occasional minor disagreements but nothing that wasn’t sorted out promptly. I do think she just doesn’t want to come.

Your MIL is batshit and so is the sister.

It's very disappointing but don't let them ruin your special day

Did your boyfriend never talk to his mother about the lack of congratulations?

Is there anything about the wedding itself that they might disapprove of - even if wrongly? Like you’re doing it in full sub aqua gear under water… I mean, obviously not - but is there any reason they wouldn’t like the ceremony you’ve chosen?

This but personally I wouldn’t even be polite. Id be getting into my villain era

I'd be telling them outright that it's unbelievable that he'll have no family at the wedding and that they should remember that they couldn't be bothered the come next time they expect a visit / help / interest in their lives. Arseholes.

DP has never raised the issue of no acknowledgement with them. Nothing about the ceremony is unusual or upsetting.

Is he going to say anything now?
It’s odd that he hasn’t already!

What a bunch of twats. I really feel for your DP. Does he still want the wedding or would he rather elope? I imagine the shine’s been taken off the day now.

Good riddance then. I'd distance myself if I was you two.

That’s really weird! Have they been to any other weddings in the time you’ve known them ?

Well I’d be more than disappointed @CheeseSnacker and I don’t think I’d be rushing to stay in touch with any of them tbh. If that’s the whole story then it’s extremely odd behaviour and inexcusable other than the brother with the baby due any time.

What does your DP think? Some people simply aren’t bothered about this kind of thing, like birthdays or Mother’s Day etc.

For him, is it simply admin with a cake? And the important bit is the marriage in the years to come?

How long have you know they’re not coming? Have they literally dropped out now with 2 weeks notice?

I think I'd drop all contact with them for that.

I am finding it hard to believe there is no backstory you aren't telling us, as there is no sense at all in his sister just 'not wanting to use a day's AL' nor his DM's pathetic excuse.

Nor in the fact that neither of you have expressed your disbelief and anger at the fact they just can't be bothered to come. It just doesn't ring true at all.

DP is bothered by it but doesn’t see the point in causing upset over it. I’m closer to MIL than he is and it’s strangely bothering me more even though she’s not my DM.

I can’t imagine her doing this to SIL.

DP is very reserved and I’ve said after this I will be keeping my distance, but he thinks I’ll be causing unnecessary bad feeling.

Annual leave so it is a weekday wedding?

If so no I would not be taking a days annual leave

Be careful OP….She is showing you who she is and the power she has over your life. Every occasion will be about her feelings.
If I were you I would just smile and say no problem. Absolutely do not set a precedent that if she behaves like this you’ll beg and plead and bend over backwards to accommodate her wishes.

Sorry but her reasoning is ridiculous.

One of my best mates from school lost her dad a year ago, her and her mum both came to my wedding 2 weeks ago. Her mum sobbed her heart out because it was the first formal event since he passed but she came because she loves me.

Sounds like there is more going on behind the scenes. I would tell her outright that if she fails to attend then she is ending your relationship and you will have nothing further to do with her.

This sounds insane, if you say there is no bad feeling.

If they don't come, I would go very LC.