To quit work and be a SAHM?

[Eviolle]

MIL and FIL sadly died young (both in their 60s) and have left DH and I in a position where we will have no mortgage, and a sizable (for us) amount of savings. We have two DC (3 and under 1).

We should have enough inheritance to really set ourselves up (holiday home time share, solar panels, sell our home and completely redecorate MIL'S larger home to move in to, electric car, savings for both DC). Combining the electric car with the savings from solar panels and the fact that we'd have no mortgage, we should just be able to live on DH's wage, however we would have to pay for nursery for youngest DC out of savings until she was 3 as we'd lose the free hours entitlement as I wouldn't be working.

I was thinking of quitting work next year when eldest DC starts school, and potentially never working in a particularly career minded way again. I could work casually in my current field, picking up occasional work once or twice a month with no difficulty and it would keep me up to date with current practices and training should I change my mind.

It would be a tight squeeze (we would still be able to save each month but less than currently), and if we had another CoL crisis or similar I'd have to return to work, but there would no immediate hurry because of the savings we'd have. DH is public sector, very safe job and final salary pension. I would be a few years shy of a full state pension but I'm only mid-thirties so would have time to pay in once DC are bigger.

AIBU to think this could work?

It depends on if the savings are 10k or 250k but broadly it sounds fine.

My view would be if you were really strapped and needed a good amount of £ you could take a small mortgage out over a longish term on your new home.
So you could borrow 50k and actually use some of that to pay the mortgage and some to ease things financially in the short to mid term.

Savings would be 6 figures, we don't know precisely but approximately between £150-£220k.

You will get NI if you claim child benefit (even if you have to pay it back) so that sorts your state pension. How about other pension? If you think you can afford it and can easily get back into work if you change your mind then I don't see why not. Why would need to pay for nursery though if you are a SAHM? Surely that somewhat defeats the point?

Does your DH enjoy his job and want to keep working? Would he not be interested in dropping a day and you keeping a day or two at work.

Yes, sorry, would be just shy of a full pension even with child benefit NI payments. I have a work based public sector pension, but would not be much to write home about.

Re: Nursery, we'd be putting DC in to nursery at the start of next year because I have to go back to work so I don't have to pay my maternity leave back, and then we'd like her to keep her place for social interaction/development until she turned 3 rather than taking her out at 18m and putting her back in again. It would also mean that I would have two days a week to do housework uninterrupted which would be a huge benefit and help!

I would totally do this if I had the money! You can always get a job later but you can never get your time back with your kids! Just make sure DH pays into a private pension for you while youre not employed. State pension wont be enough. There's a max you can pay in per year if not employed so check the details!

He enjoys his job a lot and he's very good at it. He wants to keep working; I did ask if he'd like to drop a day or take a career break, but he said no, for his full time hours he only works 3 days a week anyway. Also, his wage is much higher than mine.

We have family in finance who have advised this too, it's quite a small amount you can pay in per year so we would be able to manage it.

Also I'd only be a sahm if you have a pot of your own savings that arent shared with DH. You still need a bit of financial independence in case shit hits the fan - you never know when you might need it sadly.

What does your husband think? Can you both go part time or both retire early? That doesn't sound like enough to provide you with a private pension and makes it generally tight later on.

I ask because if I were in your husband's position, I wouldn't be on board with this. That is because it seems unfair that he has to work for another 30 years whereas once your kids are both at school, you will have far more free time.

I have separate savings and any casual work I did would go entirely to my spend or savings. 👍🏻👍🏻

Well if DH is happy then it doesn't sound too bad an idea, especially if you can pick up little bits to keep skills up.

I don't like to mention divorce but I think sometimes inheritance is sort of kept outside marital assets that are split. You might need to get advice on this. I dint know law at all but I think its about how mingled finances are.

Does your DH’s income comfortably cover the bills? Your phrasing makes it sound like it’s just about, even though you have no mortgage.

Stay at home parent set ups work for many families, however if I was your DH I would probably feel slightly miffed that it’s his money from his parents passing that’s being used to fund you having 2 full free days to yourself in the week while he continues to work FT.

I would drop to part time instead, gives you a little bit more income but really slows down the pace of your life. If you can work contracts I know someone who used to work for 6 months of the year.

Go for it! Being a sahm is a lovely choice

DH is on board, we both have demanding jobs and it's been hard managing home/work/kids so he is happy that this would even it out so that when he has days off we'd be able to do fun things either as a couple or as a family rather than rushing about trying to get on top of the house.

I would have more free time, yes, but I would be entirely in charge of everything that wasn't his work, so not just idly hanging about! Also, when then were older, I'd increase the casual work so it was more frequent.

Do it. You get one life, one chance to raise your children and you could die before you get to retirement age. If you're unhappy as a SAHM you can easily get back into work but if there's a chance you and your family could be happier with you not working why not give it a go.

Go for it! You can always go back if you need to

My questions would be…

1. Does your husband have decent insurance? You might end up in a real mess otherwise if he had a health issue that reduced his ability to earn.
2. How confident are you that you will never want to return to more qualified work? You will become less desirable the longer you are off. Is there any danger that in a few years the kids don’t need you as much and you get bored at home/ want your kids to see you as ‘more’.
3. Have you really done the calculations on what retirement looks like if you don’t work vs if you do even part time? Six figures in savings is great, and also not great when you think of the length of time you will need it for. To get the money from your house you have to sell it ( or take on a mortgage) which you might not want to do for decades yet.
4. Plan for the worst. If you split up… what then?

I was a SAHM as DH’s business took off and he had to work longs hours/go away. Although I don’t regret it for a second it could get lonely.
Others have commented (wisely) on the financial aspects of you working part time/keeping your hand in. I would also advise it from a social point. Just enough so that you could up your hours if you wanted to. The financial aspect of working is huge but people forget the social side/having a purpose/something to talk about/focus on that is separate from your family.
Sounds like you are considering your options so am sure you will find a good path that works.

It would.l comfortably cover bills, and provide us with some spending money and a small amount of savings each month. It would just mean that for things like Christmas or birthday parties, we'd have to save up a bit more carefully rather than just being able to pay without any worry like we do at the moment.

DH would rather use the money to benefit our family than keep it in a savings pot or splurge on something silly. He'd rather have his parents really, so at least (his words) this way his parents deaths have helped our family. He would also have two days a week entirely to himself as he only works 3 days a week (full time) so he could do whatever he likes on those days and we'd have two days together as a family. Also, they might be 'free days' but I'd also be doing everything for our family on those two days, not just sitting at home drinking martinis.

You need your own pension & be careful resentment doesn’t set in from your DH.

Also I wouldn’t spend money on a timeshare. They can be a nightmare with increasing costs involved.

what happens if your marriage fails or your husband can’t work? I’d love to give up work but the thought of total financial dependence on someone else fills me with dread. If you can put some sort of safety net in go for it.

Do most SAHM start out with the intetnion they will take care of home and family and their DH facilities this thinking they have handed over all mundane life tasks and admin ...... when the reality is the SAHM's usually expect to not work but expect DH to do their fair share? Yes lokking after little kids full time is hard but it doesn't sound like what OP is planning on doing ....

What’s the appeal?