To quit work and be a SAHM?

[Eviolle]

MIL and FIL sadly died young (both in their 60s) and have left DH and I in a position where we will have no mortgage, and a sizable (for us) amount of savings. We have two DC (3 and under 1).

We should have enough inheritance to really set ourselves up (holiday home time share, solar panels, sell our home and completely redecorate MIL'S larger home to move in to, electric car, savings for both DC). Combining the electric car with the savings from solar panels and the fact that we'd have no mortgage, we should just be able to live on DH's wage, however we would have to pay for nursery for youngest DC out of savings until she was 3 as we'd lose the free hours entitlement as I wouldn't be working.

I was thinking of quitting work next year when eldest DC starts school, and potentially never working in a particularly career minded way again. I could work casually in my current field, picking up occasional work once or twice a month with no difficulty and it would keep me up to date with current practices and training should I change my mind.

It would be a tight squeeze (we would still be able to save each month but less than currently), and if we had another CoL crisis or similar I'd have to return to work, but there would no immediate hurry because of the savings we'd have. DH is public sector, very safe job and final salary pension. I would be a few years shy of a full state pension but I'm only mid-thirties so would have time to pay in once DC are bigger.

AIBU to think this could work?

Where do you get all this money from for these savings...?!?

Am I really reading this.
Ffs it's 2024 not 1954.

Exactly, OP should be able to choose to be a sahm and housewife if that's what she wants

YANBU. You actually sound very flush financially. When I first became a sahm our mortgage was £150k and we had about £4k savings and that was it!! I didn't have any pension and relied on dh for everything. We were/are a team. You make it work and there is always a sacrifice whatever you choose.
My friend who was also a sahm said to me - which has always stuck with me - "no one gets to the end of their life and wishes they spent less time with their children".

Omg do you seriously think there is nothing more to life than work? Seriously?

And youngest will be 5 days a week. She'll be going in for 2 days to keep her place for when she turns 3 and would go to preschool, for socialising, building friendships, developing language etc. that I'm sure will be much better than just being with me, and it also gives me a breather from having a child attached to me 24 hours a day and I can do other things without interference. Like shower! And eat! 😂

Yep!

I have a masters, I'm an advanced practitioner in my field of work and I will happily choose to give that up because I want to spend my time looking after my family. And that's my choice (well our family not just me) to make.

Yep!

I said it above and I'll say it again - no one ever gets to the end of their life and wishes they spent less time with their children 💕 ❤️

Good luck OP 👏

I'm so excited for you 😄
Opportunity will come your way in the future if needed. Being a sahm isn't writing yourself off to never work again. You'll love it 👏 👏 👏

Edit: and if you never do work again that's also fine!! Homemaking is a wonderful role 💜

I'm not sure why you posted on AIBU really since it seems like you've already decided.

At least you have your own independent savings which isn't the case for many SAHM's.

This is my thinking.

Yes, little one would go to nursery for two days so I'm not looking after my child full time whilst youngest is teeny, but when they're little and at school, I could go to every sports day, nativity, class day out, if they're sick I can always be there, they don't need to go to breakfast or after school clubs, the house will always be clean and tidy (it's not going to be is it, I'm dreaming, but I can dream...), we can have proper food every day, the weekends can be wholly about the kiddos and what they want to do as Hubby and I would have at least one day off a week together without them so we can also have couple time... The list goes on. I just don't see how this is construed as a bad thing (if we can afford it and it works out in our favour).

Are you a social worker? Plenty of freelance work that would give freedom, choices on your time and pays reasonably well.

Being a SAHM with the kids in nursery! Sounds amazing!

It does really doesn't it... Honestly if someone came up with something I genuinely hadn't thought of, I will absolutely reconsider my feelings but there hasn't been anything that's made me think like that as of yet. Which I suppose just confirms my thoughts.

Money, yes, I know we need to look at it carefully, and we'll continue to do so as we're planning this for this time next year.

Paying a cleaner and gardener, yes, I suppose we could do that, and it did make me think, but I'm not convinced, because I want to be at home if we can manage it, so paying others to do it defeats the point.

Only two days a week 😂😂 I don't get a whole week of just chilling without them 😂

I'm a registered nurse, so I can do bank or agency work whenever it suits and can keep my registration by doing 14 shifts per year.

So nothing stopping you. I always although money was tight the years I was home with kids were the happiest, house was spotless, we ate really well cos I had the time, kids loved having me home and it was stress free. I freelanced prob 4 days a month, I went back part time when youngest was 7 and full time compressed hours when she was 11. They are both around 30 now. I have a decent pension, savings etc. you won’t regret it at all.

Why? Sounds like heaven to me and the child obviously enjoys it. I wish I had the money.

The only thing I would say is it can all become drudge very very quickly. And then you can become a drudge. Make sure you keep busy and active and interested in the world rather than just your two children and the cleaning.

I toyed with the idea (becoming a SAHM) for ages - DH was about to step up his career and might have needed to travel and lean on a bit more and I was sick of nights and weekends and chasing our tails - but then Covid hit and working as a nurse suddenly came with loads of perks like my kids being able to go to school….. by the time we were out the other side I had reduced my hours down to 2 days and set days, and the kids were a bit older and less intense, we got a cleaner and I’m so so glad I didn’t do it. DHs career took off anyway, I earn pennies compared to him but because I work I feel equal, I have something to say, an area of expertise and am professionally respected.

I don’t think it always does someone any good to have someone at home that justifies their existence by cleaning and doing school runs - they can start to feel you’re a bit like staff and even the loveliest man will have been socialised to see women a bit as service humans anyway and if you then go on to actually behave like his service human then it just a cycle of reinforcement. You’ve already said he’ll get to have two days a week to himself to do what he wants - why will he? Are you going to get that or are you bestowing that upon him to justify not earning money? Also men should have to do some DC care. Not just lovely times at the zoo, but grunt work - drop offs/meals/packing nappy bags/getting them down for naps etc - It keeps them grounded and connected to their family.
My DH is very well respected, very well remunerated professional but when he gets home he mucks in and if a kid is sick on a day we are both working we take it in turns. No one is too busy or important to take their turn with their children.

Just my views from someone who almost did it but didn’t. We pushed through and I think we have a much more equal relationship and I have a much more positive self-view than if I had.

I would love to be in the position you’re suggesting OP. The ability to maintain your career gives you lots of flexibility to change tack if required in the future.

But why would you have to pay for nursery for the youngest of you became a SAHM? Your child wouldn’t need to go to nursery?

I'm a full time SAHM (not by choice - it's where I live) and I think pt is a better route!

I would jump at the chance to enjoy the precious early years with your children. If money is going to be a little tight, why bother to send your youngest child to nursery if you will be at home?

2 healthy adults working 3 days a week between them as they can live off an inheritance.

Money should go down the generations.

Can you say, hand on heart, you will be able to send your girls out into the world, debt free from Education, and help them with a deposit before you die?

If you do in all honesty believe you will be in a position to do that for your children, then it’s your choice. Not one many would understand. If you do not believe you can forecast that kind of a sound financial starting point for your children, off a base of 3 days of work a week for two healthy adults, then you are squandering his parents’ savings so you can play house, in my opinion.

Money should go down the generations, but DH and I shouldn't take advantage of inheritance that has been passed down from a previous generation and instead should ignore ourselves and pass it on again?

Also, three days a week for my husband is full time, he can't work any more days than that without being absolutely exhausted.

But yes, we can, and intend to, put aside a house deposit plus university money for each child before we even think of our own savings and what we do next.