To quit work and be a SAHM?

[Eviolle]

MIL and FIL sadly died young (both in their 60s) and have left DH and I in a position where we will have no mortgage, and a sizable (for us) amount of savings. We have two DC (3 and under 1).

We should have enough inheritance to really set ourselves up (holiday home time share, solar panels, sell our home and completely redecorate MIL'S larger home to move in to, electric car, savings for both DC). Combining the electric car with the savings from solar panels and the fact that we'd have no mortgage, we should just be able to live on DH's wage, however we would have to pay for nursery for youngest DC out of savings until she was 3 as we'd lose the free hours entitlement as I wouldn't be working.

I was thinking of quitting work next year when eldest DC starts school, and potentially never working in a particularly career minded way again. I could work casually in my current field, picking up occasional work once or twice a month with no difficulty and it would keep me up to date with current practices and training should I change my mind.

It would be a tight squeeze (we would still be able to save each month but less than currently), and if we had another CoL crisis or similar I'd have to return to work, but there would no immediate hurry because of the savings we'd have. DH is public sector, very safe job and final salary pension. I would be a few years shy of a full state pension but I'm only mid-thirties so would have time to pay in once DC are bigger.

AIBU to think this could work?

And for people banging on about “well what if he leaves you” and “what if he dies” - all of the current assets are marital and you would be entitled to half the savings, half the house. If, god forbid, he was to die, you’d get everything

...you do get, though, that if he were to die she'd have zero actual monthly income, right? Or indeed if he were to become incapacitated through poor health - cancer, mental health, car crash, whatever. And if they divorce then the same amount of money has to pay for two homes and two sets of bills and any maintenance will be well below what her DH currently earns. I have long ago lost count on here of the number of women posting deeply unhappy with men who treat them very poorly, but who then say, "I'm a SAHM, I can't afford to leave".

You can buffer yourself against these scenarios - life insurance, critical illness insurance, maintaining your own earning capacity and ability to scale up your income fast - but you have to consider and plan for them.

No. I agree that more men need to do it so it can become more equal and women aren’t automatically the default parent.

Well if this is about OP, she won't have zero monthly income. Because she'll still be working! 1-2 shifts a month. The availability of such work also indicates that the industry is short of staff.So no issues with her picking up again FT if she wanted to.

OP is relatively fortunate against that one, yes - she has one of the very few jobs where she can keep her hand in minimally and where demand is strong enough for her to go back in after a period of no or minimal work. But it is still something any woman and couple should consider before one person decides to SAH.

I have never said that OP shouldn't SAH. Just that planning for SAH should include planning for death, disability or desertion on the part of the earner, and the need to rapidly scale up income on the SAH partner's side if needed.

It’s important to consider how this might change the dynamic of your relationship.

It sounds like your DH is possibly a doctor or in another well-respected profession. It may be hard to imagine it now, but after years of him going out to do that job each day (paid) while you’re at home putting his laundry away (unpaid), it’s very possible the way you think of each other will change.

You see it all the time on here. The respect for the stay-at-home parent just goes. The earner feels the stay-at-home parent should be grateful and the stay-at-home parent starts to feel it too so they don’t assert themselves the way they otherwise might.

To me this is as big a concern as the practical implications.

Don̈'t sell your current house, let it out through an agent instead so you get an income from it. The house will give you security in case something happens later such as divorce or death. The house will also be a security for your children later on so you'll be shortsighted to sell it.

Instead of resigning from your job can you go part time or freelance to keep keep up with your pension & NI contributions?

To me it doesn't like you can really afford it without draining the inheritance over time.

You said your DH earns much more than you, but at the same time you'll only scraping by on his salary event without a mortgage, and that you'll be struggling if living costs increase and have to go back to work anyway.

I think the inheritance will just end up frittered away over time as it sounds like you're using its existence to justify moving to a lifestyle you can't really afford without it.

By all means give up work if you don't want to work and your husband will pick up the slack for you, though. A lot of people do it quite happily for many years.

My mum was a nurse who gave it up whilst we were growing up to SAHM. My dad was a doctor. She did go back to work pt when we were older, so it is true you can still get work as a nurse despite long periods out of the workplace.

The dynamic at home was very much all the domestic work was left to my mum by my dad. He did not do any housework at all. He did not respect my mum's opinions and her world became very small. She was the one who told me to always have my own job, career and independence and not rely on a man.

Granted OP will be keeping a toehold in her profession but it is difficult to know how over time roles get hardened and people's perceptions of each other change. Not to mention what the dcs pick up in terms of gender roles and ambition for girls especially.

When I said it would be a bit of a tight squeeze, that may not be quite the right wording. We'd have £500pcm to save, we'd also have money each for spending money, money for dates/takeaway, money for DCs hobbies and money for days out. So it's not just the bills being paid and we'd be scraping by, we would just need to be more careful than we are now where we buy what we want, when we want, without really thinking about it.

If that's what you both want, go for it. I'm glad I had that time with my children. You'll be able to go back to work later. Keep paying into a pension and I personally would take dc out of nursery. There are cheaper ways of finding social opportunities.

that’s just the short term figures though, and it doesn’t sound like your inheritance is enough to significantly reduce your personal financial risks if you SAH a few years. If you keep your nursing qualification ‘live’ that is better ‘insurance’ than most of us have.

I would be working just enough to keep my PIN number so could go back to work any time. It would knock my pension, when thinking long term but even if I did that for the entirety of DCs childhood, I would have 15+ years to do more at work to take me to state pension age (as it is now).

Go for it! You might change your mind in a few years & get bored (I did) but then you can just go back to work. You have a good qualification behind you & will keep your PIN number.