To quit work and be a SAHM?

[Eviolle]

MIL and FIL sadly died young (both in their 60s) and have left DH and I in a position where we will have no mortgage, and a sizable (for us) amount of savings. We have two DC (3 and under 1).

We should have enough inheritance to really set ourselves up (holiday home time share, solar panels, sell our home and completely redecorate MIL'S larger home to move in to, electric car, savings for both DC). Combining the electric car with the savings from solar panels and the fact that we'd have no mortgage, we should just be able to live on DH's wage, however we would have to pay for nursery for youngest DC out of savings until she was 3 as we'd lose the free hours entitlement as I wouldn't be working.

I was thinking of quitting work next year when eldest DC starts school, and potentially never working in a particularly career minded way again. I could work casually in my current field, picking up occasional work once or twice a month with no difficulty and it would keep me up to date with current practices and training should I change my mind.

It would be a tight squeeze (we would still be able to save each month but less than currently), and if we had another CoL crisis or similar I'd have to return to work, but there would no immediate hurry because of the savings we'd have. DH is public sector, very safe job and final salary pension. I would be a few years shy of a full state pension but I'm only mid-thirties so would have time to pay in once DC are bigger.

AIBU to think this could work?

This is a good point. OP, might be worth starting a thread to ask whether other nurses have found a day a fortnight to be sufficient to keep their hand in?

That makes no sense. Split household chores and childcare equally outside of work hours. Quitting your job because your partner won’t do this is deeply illogical. It’s not that difficult.

We have two cleaners who come every Monday for an hour. They're amazing and between visits we do the bare minimum. It's £36 a week which seems quite reasonable given the amount they get through. It would take me hours to do it to their standards!

This is something I haven't considered. I will have a think. Thank you.

Because you mentioned nursing I am assuming NHS - if you drop your hours (I know you said they weren't keen on employing you on a one shift a fortnight contract) - could you drop to one a week and then use the annual leave which you accrued in maternity leave to only work once a fortnight to avoid paying the mat leave back - then switch to bank (or may find one shift a week works for you)

Also any jobs in other areas where they would accept the lesser hours (as you don't have to go back to the same job to avoid paying back the mat leave - it may not even be the same trust) - I know of someone who has an annualised contract - I want to say it's 200hours a year or something like that (it's about 1 a month) - but she will often do more than that

I think this really depends on what you enjoy more - work or housework

For me, it would be a no brainer to work and have a cleaner but it sounds like maybe you prefer housework to nursing?

My ex - a very high earner - used to encourage me to change job from my well paid job to something I'd prefer to do but which would pay peanuts. I thought about it as we were very happy together (I thought) and could afford it together, but I'm glad I didn't because then she had an affair and left me, and screwed me to the floor for every penny she could get in the divorce (despite earning 4x what I do).

Even if you have money in your "own" name, it's all in the pot for division on divorce.

I think I'd be tempted to try the very part time options first if it can be arranged.

Don't underestimate having no money of your own even if your husband is as kind and generous as they come. At some point you want to buy him a birthday present, arrange a treat, buy yourself something frivolous.

There's also a huge social element to work and an imbalance in the need to be in or out of the house (i.e weekend comes your husband wants to relax in his home and you are sick of the sight of it and want out).

Plus you never know what will happen in the future and it keeps your options open.

I would do no more than two days a week and plan on this for the long term rather than just the pre school years.

You appreciate the time at home more with some time away.

I'd at least try this before giving it up. Financially it sounds like you'd be okay but it is a decision about more than finances. Maternity is a bubble because you know you are time limited and still have 'work you '. Don't expect full time SAHM to feel the same.

I used days as in normal working days. If they are 12 hour shifts then less.

Yes you're right, I was thinking more about initial 'running away' money if you ever needed it.

I became lonely, resentful and depressed as a SAHP. It depends on your personality. I get zero satisfaction from hoovering, bleaching loos or scrubbing food out of carpets. The final straw was trying to get cemented Weetabix off the table and slime off the dog in the same day..I just thought fuck this, and have been a mix of full and part time since.

Some nice times with the kids before school, but the balance wasnt there for me. Even when I met other mums, I felt the conversation was often superficial and valid...I missed working on team projects, interacting with colleagues, thinking on my feet, problem solving etc etc.

Try it and see...life was too short for me to feel so bored, lonely and sad.

DH is public sector, very safe job and final salary pension.

Which bit of the PS still has a final salary pension? Aren’t they all career average now?

You could take advantage of their bequest by dropping work for you to 1 or 2 days a week. That way you keep your skills and pension ticking over, maintain a foot in the world of work and have plenty of time at home, with a smaller reliance on the bequest while your family is so young.

Children only become more expensive and if your children show a talent (or a need) that could be nurtured with hefty financial support, you’ll be better placed to do that if a huge chunk of your in law’s legacy has not been spent on very ordinary houshold expenses when the children were tiny.

Noone is saying ignore the inheritance, but you should use it to enhance your lives, and aim to build it up for your children so they have an easier start to adulthood, not stop working and just live off it.

OP isn't talking about retiring though! Merely becoming a SAHM for a few short years whilst the DC are very young. She's a registered nurse and planning on working enough hours each if those years to retain her pin. Then will go back to work part-time.

It was taken to court and deemed age discrimination that younger people in final salary pensions were having their terms altered so drastically, so it's been reversed in DHs work.

Do it. I stayed home for 5 years until youngest went to school then I started not enjoying it and went back part time. It's such a small part of our working life if we retire late 60's. As long as you are both clear about how you want it to work. Enjoy every minute of it.

If you’re talking about the McCloud judgement it didn’t do that. It protected members for a period of time in relation to the change to CARE pensions but not for the next 30 years (assuming your husband is in his 30s as well).

Yes - there is a lot of information about the effect of McCloud available, including for specific schemes, please make sure you both fully understand the position before making any decisions that you wouldn’t otherwise!

People here saying her husband ‘only’ works 3 days a week so isn’t full time. Haven’t they heard of shift work?! 12 hours a day x 3 equals 36, that is full time hours for a lot of people.

@blueshoes

It is when the children are teenagers that the tables are flipped. That is when mothers like me who kept their hand in and have got promotions over the years feel so very glad we did not take our foot off the career gas now that the children are leaving for university

This is the nub of the argument for me.

OP I think you are correct at the moment that your situation is pretty low risk: you have a decent financial cushion and I see no reason why you need to work now if you don’t want to.

The risk is over the long term: when your kids are teenagers you can rapidly start to feel quite obsolete and isolated with no work or at least nothing to focus on.

A lot of women find that they can get very lost at this time of life without a focus for their energy. It’s very hard to get back into a fulfilling career after that long out of work.

And yes you can volunteer and find interesting hobbies etc but you will find that you lose power and control in the family dynamic. I saw this happen to my mum, who went from having a really interesting career to basically being idle and pretty depressed by the time we were teenagers. She struggled to find fulfilling work and she had no financial independence outside the marriage. She became very bored and resentful.

I think take time off by all means but I would never recommend anyone become a career SAHM. Have a plan to get back into something, even if it’s volunteering or study. Being a person who only exists for their family is not long term a fulfilling life.

But we wouldn't be living off the inheritance... We can afford to live with just DHs wage. The inheritance would only need to be used in emergencies/ if circumstances drastically changed.

The things we are using the inheritance for, we will do anyway, regardless of whether or not I quit work.

Of course people have heard of shift work, and many will have done it. It doesn't change the fact he has 4 full days off per week.

Most people doing 12hr shift work average more than 3 shifts per week with weekends, rostered in too, etc.

There is no denying that a full weekend plus 2 full days off work each week is very comfortable working hours.

thing is op imo if you want to be at home not working you will need money,
money to go out, money for days out/treats what not

can you do a shift in a nursing home weekly?

I’d never totally stop work. You never know what can happen. I’d get part time work, to cover the nursery fees at least. I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable eating into savings to pay nursery fees.

Yes I agree with you again 🙂