To quit work and be a SAHM?

[Eviolle]

MIL and FIL sadly died young (both in their 60s) and have left DH and I in a position where we will have no mortgage, and a sizable (for us) amount of savings. We have two DC (3 and under 1).

We should have enough inheritance to really set ourselves up (holiday home time share, solar panels, sell our home and completely redecorate MIL'S larger home to move in to, electric car, savings for both DC). Combining the electric car with the savings from solar panels and the fact that we'd have no mortgage, we should just be able to live on DH's wage, however we would have to pay for nursery for youngest DC out of savings until she was 3 as we'd lose the free hours entitlement as I wouldn't be working.

I was thinking of quitting work next year when eldest DC starts school, and potentially never working in a particularly career minded way again. I could work casually in my current field, picking up occasional work once or twice a month with no difficulty and it would keep me up to date with current practices and training should I change my mind.

It would be a tight squeeze (we would still be able to save each month but less than currently), and if we had another CoL crisis or similar I'd have to return to work, but there would no immediate hurry because of the savings we'd have. DH is public sector, very safe job and final salary pension. I would be a few years shy of a full state pension but I'm only mid-thirties so would have time to pay in once DC are bigger.

AIBU to think this could work?

Personally I'd do it, but then maybe pick up a part time job later on just to keep you being social and interacting with people and having it as part of your routine

I don’t understand why it’s so hard to manage juggling family and work if he only works 3 days a week then and why the only logical response is for you to quit?

This is sort of similar to what happened to me. I have been a SAHM for 3 years, my kids were same age as yours. It's been brilliant really. I'm about to start looking to return to work now.

Main issues I had with it were:

• it's pretty isolating socially at times. You love the time with your little kids but sometimes its lonely not seeing or talking to many adults. Despite best intentions.

• you will have to deal with a lot of people telling you their various opinions of how your lazy, selfish towards your husband, not feminist, must not be very smart etc BUT please know this is to do with them, not you.

When you are old one day I don't think you'll regret taking up the opportunity to spend lots of time with your little people!

Nice to read a positive sahm thread for a change.

Life is short. Do it!

1. Yes, he does, and very good sick pay if needs be.
2. I would still be able to work in the same role, just in a casual fashion rather than with career progression, so it may not be a big problem if I did decide I wanted to go back.
3. I haven't, but family members have and have said retirement would be OK, especially if I go back more frequently once DC are older.
4. I have savings of my own, I'd have to increase my work to full time, which wouldn't be too difficult in terms of finding a job. The practicalities would be difficult but it always would be I suppose when divorce happens.

If I was you I'd take a career break, initially for 2-3 years, then make the decision after you've tried it.

I think it would be better for you to both reduce your hours. Unless he loves his job he’s going to end up resenting you, you will be careerless if you ever split up, and it doesn’t sound to me like you have enough to comfortably do nothing - university is expensive etc.

I'd be getting back to work, mostly because we need as much taxes coming in as possible, at least to pay your DP's and the many others' defined benefit pension entitlements without bankrupting the country in 15-20 years.

The only part of your plan that I disagree with is buying a timeshare. It’s so much easier to just go on holiday when and where you choose without any complications!

DH works very long hours on those three days. It means I have no support for getting up/bedtimes/meals and also struggle to manage the housework on those days because youngest DC is at home with me and the clingiest baby in existence. When I go back to work, I work the same days as DH. On the days off, we have both children at home with us, DH wants to do fun family things, and trying to keep on top of the house, the washing, the cooking etc. on those days whilst both children are at home is proving incredibly difficult.

Alternatively, we considered changing my working days so I worked when DH was off, and vice versa, but neither of us have the desire to do that as we enjoy spending time together as a family and don't want to work opposite days and never get to see each other.

I could also stay home and do the housework, or DH could, whilst the other took the children out, but, again, we enjoy spending time together as a family, so if we can afford it, we'd like to continue to do so.

When both girls are at school, I may look at different part time work, but work that actually fits around school hours and allows for all of the holidays, sickness, inset days, seem to be difficult to find.

So the timeshare had been in our family for 30 years or so, the service charge for the year is cheaper than two weeks of high season holiday at the destination, and we go to the same place every year anyway 😂 (I'm a bit of a home bird!)

I still don’t get it, when you finish maternity leave you will both only be working 3 days a week anyway? And 4 days a week with you both off won’t be enough to keep on top of every day life and chores??

Why not just pay for a cleaner and a gardener to take some of the load of? You would be staying at home to have your youngest in nursery 2 days anyway and effectively be an unpaid cleaner during that time.

It's ok if op wants to be a stay at home mum regardless of previous working hours or when dh works.

I asked whether he wanted to reduce his hours, he said no. I wouldn't be careerless, I would still be able to work (casually) in the same field, throughout any time I had off as a SAHM so I could just increase those hours/go back into a career type role. In terms of University, you're right, but we have enough to put aside a fund for both girls now that we could continue to pay into, so they'd have enough for University and a house deposit each (unless something drastic happens to University costs!).

Sure but I’m pretty certain she posted on her asking for opinions and commentary.

If her reason was just “I want to and so does my DH” then fair enough, but staying it’s because it’s too hard to keep on top of Josh work with 2 adults working 3 days out of 7 just sounds ridiculous when she’s then going to keep her child in nursery just to clean. So really it seems like she’s quitting to be a cleaner not a sahm.

I've been a sahm for 6 years and I absolutely love it so I would say go for it! I have such a close bond with my dcs after being with them 24/7 for the first couple of years. I haven't felt lonely at all tbh but I'm very comfortable in my own company. I've picked up my own hobbies as dcs have got older and both in school/nursery.

Financially I'm comfortable as I invested a lump sum and I'm financially independent as a result. I would look into seeing how your savings can work for you over the long term, otherwise it will get eroded by inflation.

With pensions I pay in £2880 a year into a SIPP which is topped up to £3600. Then I put in £4k a year into a LISA which gets topped up by £1k so it's as good as a pension, although withdrawal conditions are different. Then I put in £16k a year into S&S ISA which isn't topped up but it will be tax-free on withdrawal and can be withdrawn at any age. So that's a decent amount into long term savings compared to typical pension contributions even for a ft worker.

I don't know how else to say it, but we're struggling to keep on top of things now, so when I'm back at work it won't be any easier.

Why pay a cleaner and a gardener when we could potentially afford for me to do it and I could be there for my children, manage our household, and we'd all be a little bit less stressed?

You’re planning on using savings to put your child in nursery so you can clean, but your thought process is “why pay a cleaner?”
It just seems pointless to me.
No doubt in a few years time you’ll be moaning about doing everything but that’s the scenario you engineered.

Not sure I will, as, if we can make it work, I'm very happy with the decision and fully accept that I will be "doing everything" (that's kind of the point).

We would only be paying for nursery for 18m, you're suggesting a cleaner essentially for years and years. Not sure ones any better than the other. Also, it's not just a cleaner we'd need, and I just don't see the point in paying someone to do all of these things when I can do it?

I wouldn't anyway but definitely not if it would be a 'tight squeeze'.

Paying for childcare which you don't need is a luxury. If you're going to be a SAHM then child should be with you.

Cleaners and gardeners are way more efficient than us mere mortals. I found I was taking a day's holiday to clean our house. 2 cleaners got the same done in 1 hour!

Definitely worth paying them in my book.

However I think if you want to be a sahm then just do it. No need for it to necessarily make financial sense when you are (what sounds like could be) a trained professional.

DH will start to resent you not working or contributing money to the pot.
You will resent him as he'll expect you to do EVERYTHING around the house, like a maid, even at weekends...!!!

In this day and age, I would be worried about making any decision that led to things being a ‘tight squeeze’.

I think having only one person work and another person do absolutely everything at home leads to a very unbalanced dynamic.

I would never want to depend on a man for my income, but I know that is personal to me.

But anyway, it sounds like you have made up your mind, so enjoy the stay at home years!

I was a sahm and went back to work once the kids were older. I loved it and it was the right decision for us.

If I was in your shoes, I'd try to spend the minimum on new car/decorating etc so I could invest for the future.

It's a one off opportunity to build wealth for yourself and your kids.