To be so over my tight, selfish DH every birthday

[IAmMyUtterLackOfSurprise]

I turned 57 yesterday. Birthday was a text from husband saying sorry for using last of milk, whoops happy birthday, kids up late, a card eventually. No card from DH, bottle of Lidl wine and a bunch of flowers. Booked dinner out for tonight but cancelled because DH work, rebooked for tomorrow, having had ‘well, I’m not bothered, but if YOU REALLY WANT TO’.

FB scrolling tonight I see a string quartet Coldplay concert by candlelight, not too far away, in an old priory, say ‘ooh, I’ve found a birthday pressy’ and his response was ‘hmph, not my sort of thing’..then ‘what, instead of dinner? What did you get me?’ (30 yr old scotch, dinner out with wine and a book actually’.

I fucking love Coldplay but will ever be able to afford to see them live, I thought this would be a lovely evening and cheapest tickets are £21 each.

Am I being stupid and unreasonable to just fucking want to be spoilt for one fucking birthday? My family have always been hard up so I’ve not had one birthday where it feels like a celebration.

I know this is first world problems, but am I being unreasonable to want to feel the centre of the world for ONE day?

Book 1 ticket and take yourself and have a lovely evening. Fuck the rest of them.

Also his next birthday do fuck all. He doesn't deserve it.

Selfish, selfish fucker (him)

He sounds absolutely fucking unbearable.

THIS!!

Go by yourself or take a friend.

Rethink what you do for his birthday next year.

Yep, I'd do this too!
He's a selfish prick

Book a single ticket to go. Hope you have a wild passionate affair with the cellist (I’m joking. Mostly.). In all seriousness, you’re 57 years old, how many more birthdays do you want with a miser who evidently doesn’t show you appreciation or respect for the things you enjoy?

This. Treat yourself. He's miserable. Enjoy your birthday without him.

Yep. Book your ticket to see it. Maybe book a nice hotel and good food too..be the centre of your world for a day. You are worth it.

If qe can't do these things in our 50s we'll never do rhem. Start loving yourself.

You may end up ditching the loser when you start to value and love yourself more, who knows....

Omg go alone! Sounds like he would be shit company anyway. God how unbearable.

How's the rest of your marriage?

YABU for ever doing anything for his birthday when he treats you like this on every birthday of yours.

More fool you. I actually feel really sad for you that you've had (I'm guessing) at least 20 shit birthdays as far as your DH doing anything for you goes, and yet here you are, still hopeful, and once again disappointed.

Where and when is the concert? I am sure there are at least a few other mumsnetters deliberating over whether to book themselves. Maybe you could meet up? Fuck him, miserable twat

I would start fixing your own birthday and not doing anything for his. That can work. It's a bit bloody joyless but it's better than this.

Go to the concert.

Lidl wine for his next birthday.

It’s in Northampton, if anyone is interested.

What a fun sponge. He just sounds done with life really.

Omg go alone. Or with a friend. Do nothing for his birthdays in future and bloody tell him why. It's the selfishness as much as the stinginess. I used to get an irritated "Oh, God. I'll make it up to you". Got to the point where I'd just say, "No you won't". I'm willing to bet he's not generous and unselfish in the rest of your lives, either?

Treat yourself. I always think that the best presents are the ones you get for yourself. Don't wait for your DH to spoil you, spoil yourself.

I’d go out and I wouldn’t bother to tell him where.

He's trying to gaslight you into thinking your birthday isn't special. It is special and he's a selfish arse. To be honest I would be considering more than just leaving him for an evening to go to a concert.

Buy him garage flowers etc next birthday.

That sounds lovely! When is the concert? I couldn’t find any info?
You absolutely need to do something nice for yourself!

Do not tolerate this. My husband knows I expect to be spoiled on special occasions. (Not about money but about putting himself out!)
it’s disrespectful and rude.

I've been to one of those hits by candlelight things and I think you'd be disappointed, so no loss there.

My DH was the same, I had to organise my own birthday and everything we ever did but he was good in other ways.

I’m laying in bed, feeling sorry for myself again, another year. He makes so many excuses - doesn’t know if I would like it - not sure of surprises - needs ideas. Our kids are 18 and 19 now so have openly talked to him about ideas. Nothing.

Im wishing I was younger, slimmer, prettier, to attract attention from elsewhere to feel seen.